Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Petrino to Herring: "Win or Else"

(Get rid of Reggie? Hmmm...)

New Razorback head football coach Bobby Petrino is laying down the law already at the U of A. When asked recently about Coach Reggie Herring being the head coach for the up-coming Cotton Bowl game, Petrino replied:

“I'm not happy about it and he better win. If he loses, he’s fired. Check that. If he doesn’t pound Mizzouri’s ass into the Cotton Bowl grass, he’s fired. And just so Reggie is clear, I’ve made a list of things I want him to do before he is either fired or escorted off the campus.”

The List (as obtained by inside sources to The Hog Tale):

* Run the spread formation and beat Missouri's ass
* Tell Casey Dick he can look for another school unless he can put up at least 300 yards passing in the Cotton Bowl
* Make D-Mac and Felix and Monk commit to a senior seasons at Arkansas
* Make sure to insult the Cotton Bowl and Cotton Bowl officials by constantly referring to it as "The Cotton Hole."
* Eat two baby bird fetuses as seen on favorite show "Survivor"
* Sell current house to me (Bobby) for half price so I can generate some investment property income to help supplement my meager salary
* Insult Mizzou head coach Gary Pinkel at least twice prior to game day.
* Constantly refer to the Missouri players as “those Yankees”
* Refer to Chase Daniel as “the weak-armed virgin,” in every press conference and make sure the media knows Arkansas could have beaten OU with our second string.

(Get rid of me? I'm going to be 1-0 as a head coach soon)

Your Practice Report: The Razorbacks have been dominating the fake Missouri team in practice. The fake Chase Daniel has been getting sacked constantly and throwing interceptions at an alarming pace. The Razorback offense has dominated the fake Missouri defense in practice as well, so things are looking great for the Hogs that are somehow 3.5 point underdogs to the Tiggers.

Win, Reggie, win.

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