Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween: The Arkansas - Tulsa Preview

Arkansas 3-5 (1-4) vs. Tulsa 8-0
Homecoming, Reynolds Razorback Stadium
Kickoff: 1pm
Line: Tulsa favored by 6.5


It's homecoming time in Razorback land this weekend which means thousands upon thousands will make the trek back to their alma mater to pay tribute to the university that paved their ways to life's riches.

Tulsa also comes to town with their national ranking and high-falutin' offense under former Springdale genius Gus Malzahn. The Golden Showers bring their #1 ranked scoring offense (55 pts. per game), their #5 passing offense (346 yards per game), and their #1 ranking in yards per game (605) to Razorback stadium where it will all come crashing down tomorrow.

You know why?

Because it's about damn time. That's why.

The Final Analysis:

There's an old country song by Don Williams called "Tulsa Time" and I'm saying that Tulsa's time is up, baby! The Malzahn fling and zing game plan will not fly (literally) on Saturday at Reynolds Razorback Stadium. The perfect record? Gone! The national ranking? Gone! The BCS plans? Gone! Your time is up, Tulsa. Tomorrow begins the Novembuh to Remembuh in Razorback land as Michael Smith shreds the Tulsa defense for about 500 yards and 7 touchdowns, and the Hogs win this one 75-60.

(ahh, the good ol' days... last year)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Love You, John Daly

Long John passed out at Hooter's and had to dry out in the local drunk tank. Just goes to show you that if you really need some place to drink a lot and pass out in, you can't go wrong with Hooter's.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Step Off The Bus, Gus

(What a strange and long trip it has been since this picture was taken)

Well, the main event happened on Saturday night at Razorback stadium when The Nutt came into Fayetteville and stole a win. The matchup with Tulsa this Saturday at 1pm is more like an undercard bout that still holds considerable interest.

Former Arkansas Offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, who lasted one tumultuous season under Houston Nutt at Arkansas brings his wing ding Tulsa Golden Shower offense to Fayetteville to take on the Hogs.

Tulsa is 7-0, ranked 19th in the AP poll and 18th in the BCS, and is in that "BCS buster" class of teams with the likes of Utah, Ball State, and Boise State.

Saturday is Homecoming for the Hogs who are coming off of two winnable games that could have them 5-3 instead of the 3-5 record they currently hold. Should be an interesting matchup. Tulsa is an early 6.5 point favorite. Me thinks that is too much.

The 1pm matchup is once again available on pay-per-view.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Post Screw Job Report

Just a few more odds and ends stemming from the Ole Miss game on Saturday before we move on to the return of Gus Malzahn this weekend when Tulsa visits for homecoming...

Here is the pass interference call in question.

Coach Bobby Petrino said, "I thought London [Crawford] did a great job of elevating and grabbing the ball. That’s all I can say about it." ... except...
"I would like to also say that when my children were little, they used to like a book called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day." Except they used to change the name of the book for fun to where they ended up calling it "The Arkansas - Ole Miss Referee and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Offensive Pass Interference Call." And, that was way before we even lived here or knew anything about the University of Arkansas. What a weird coincidence huh? I can still remember junior saying to me, "Daddy, please read me "The Arkansas - Ole Miss Referee and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Offensive Pass Interference Call" again!"
"Wow, my kids loved that book. But, that obviously has no relevance on the game Saturday night, because if I said anything about that call, I could get in trouble from the league."

(Coming soon to your local children's book section)

(Also, look for this instant classic as well!)

Other witnesses were less diplomatic than Coach Petrino...

"I will beat that ref's ass if I ever run into him somewhere, and I can sucker punch him without him even seeing it coming."
- CSS color commentator Jimmy Dykes

"That's the kind of call that gets you fired, man. Back in the 80's at OU, Coach Switzer would have made that official cry after that call. He would have had him reverse his decision and issue a public apology to the crowd over the P.A. system before the game even continued."
- Arkansas radio color man Keith Jackson

"How in the Starkville can you make that questionable call that determined the outcome of the game? Sure, our kickers are on crack and shaky at best and might have missed it, but that was a total bullstarkville call! You just can't make that call."
- Ex-President, Bill Clinton

"That call made me want to "Jam The Vote"
- Andy Samberg

(begins at the 5:13 mark)

The post game also featured the fastest post-game "handshake" ever between Petrino and Nutt where Petrino barely touched the Nutt before running off to bust some kneecaps. Also, there was some sort of altercation between an Ole Miss cameraman and a University of Arkansas athletic staffer.

You know that Ole Miss cameraman probably had whatever it was coming to him.

(Hey Matt Wolf, Congrats on making into The Hog Tale. I hope you landed some good shots before you got unfairly hauled off in handcuffs. Ole Miss cameramen bastards!)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Aww, Nutt(s)!

Worst offensive pass interference call in the history of college football dooms Razorbacks


Everyone saw it. Everyone saw nothing. Everyone saw two guys jockeying for position for a lofted pass from Casey Dick with just under a minute remaining in the football game. A group of Ole Miss players, coaches, fans and one solitary referee obviously saw something different. Offensive pass interference on Arkansas' London Crawford. Please.

What was otherwise a perfectly boring game turned into a real football game in the final five minutes. Trailing 20-7, Casey Dick engineered a scoring drive to bring the Hogs to within 20-14 with 4:28 remaining.

(Lucas Miller celebrates after his TD catch brought the Hogs to within 20-14 in the 4th quarter)

The Hog defense appeared to let the game slip away giving up a big pass play from Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead that resulted in what appeared to be the game clinching field goal with 1:45 remaining to give Ole Miss the 23-14 lead.

As Arkansas fans filed out, Dick led another scoring charge as the Razorbacks scored in 38 seconds to cut the lead to 23-21 with 1:07 remaining giving the remaining Razorback faithful hope.

The ensuing onside kick by Alex Tejada was recovered by the Razorbacks at midfield which set up the play in question to London Crawford.

Casey Dick's 34 yard completion to Crawford would have put the ball at the 21 yard line of Ole Miss with less than a minute to go in a 23-21 ballgame - well within field goal range. Instead, an offensive interference penalty offset the gain plus put the ball back at the Arkansas 32 yard line after the 15 yard penalty was stepped off. The Razorbacks ran out of plays and time.

A heroic comeback in the final few minutes was all for naught when one referee pulled out his stupid little yellow hanky and tossed in the direction of London Crawford.

So, the fans, who got their "boos" worth on Saturday night got one final moment to boo Nutt and the officials (a boo-for-one special) as the game ended and the teams ran off the field.

Some will say Nutt deserved to win that game, others will not. All I know, is that there's one sucky official out there who'll have to live with the call that I will refer to as the worst offensive pass interference call of all time, and I also know that there's one lucky, giddy, goober of Nutt in Oxford today.


Friday, October 24, 2008

It's Not Just "Another" SEC Game: The Arkansas - Ole Miss Preview

Arkansas 3-4 (1-3) vs. Ole Miss 3-4 (1-3)
at: Reynolds Razorback Stadium
kickoff: 6 pm
TV: pay-per-view

Was it just another SEC game when Spurrier made his first trip back to Florida? Will it be just another SEC game when Saban goes back to LSU? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No. No. And, hell, no.

(Just a quick thought about the game being on pay-per-view: I think there is something inherently wrong with charging tv viewers to watch two sub-.500 teams play. I could understand if the SEC title were on the line or they were two Top 25 teams, but not only do fans have to suffer through a losing season, they have to shell out some bones to watch them on TV? I would like to bring this issue before the next President of the U.S. in hopes of reform.)

Back to the game...

You're going or have seen all kinds of quotes from players and coaches this week with a common theme of "it's an important SEC game" and "none of the other stuff matters. We're just trying to win another football game." "It's just another important SEC game."

Like Hell, I say to all.

This game is not just another SEC game. It's not just another one on the schedule that both teams are trying to win.

Think of it this way for you rock n' roll fans. Houston Nutt is David Lee Roth. He was the lead singer and a popular figure for many years in Arkansas. Then, he went a little nutty (no pun intended). Crazy things happened and were said. He wore out his welcome, much like Diamond Dave. Next thing you know, he is sort of forced out/fired. In comes Sammy Hagar (Petrino) and the band moves on and publicly wishes Houston well. Privately, the old band members hope Roth fails miserably, sells no albums, ends up in drug rehab, and is broke in six months.

You're either with Sammy or Dave. There is no in between, really. There is no best of both worlds. You choose a side. You stick with it, and you argue vehemently for it. Pretty plain and simple.

The Final Analysis:

Houston Nutt emerges to a mixed chorus of boos and cheers minus the cheers. The classy Nutt flips off the crowd and pulls on his Ole Miss shirt like football players do when they are showing off their team name.

He refuses to shake Petrino's hand before the game and orders their special teams unit to take out Arkansas kicker Alex Tejada on the opening kickoff. Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead tries his best to play like a legit SEC quarterback, but it's just not there as he throws six picks on his first seven passes and the Razorbacks are off and running. Michael Smith is healthy and shreds the Ole Miss defense for about 350 yards.

(I h8 r can saw. B home soon.)

The Hogs just dominate poor Houston and Ole Miss. Petrino lets up in the fourth quarter and in sticking with my pre-season prediction, Arkansas cruises to a 108-0 win.

Thanks to the gurus at for the above pics (more specifically as far as I can tell: Porkus, DRod70, and TravelHog)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hotty Toddy, My Favorite Wrestler is Rowdy Roddy

(Ole Miss defensive stud Greg Hardy gets some nap time in before practice)

Everyone's number one dictionary resource, The Urban Dictionary, calls the Hotty Toddy cheer: "The most annoying, pointless cheer ever created for a college football team! It only makes sense if you have been drunk since 6am and are surrounded by a group of snooty, stuck up, spoiled rotten white kids."

Couldn't agree more (and yes, I see the irony in the situation coming from anti-Hoggers who will argue that woo pig sooie is just as bad if not worse, so save your comments).

In the interest of fairness (why? I don't know), The Urban Dictionary says this about woo pig sooie:
Originates from Arkansas. From the Razorback football team. Usually when something exciting happens, all the idiots in the stands yell "Woo pig sooie!!!" May also be used to call a pig.


It appears as if Michael Smith will be able to play this Saturday. Smith returned to practice on a limited basis on Wednesday.

Dude, this homo at cbssportsline has some issues with Arkansas. Someone get him a psych eval and throw him some facts (his are mostly skewed).

Tomorrow: The Arkansas-Ole Miss Preview

Bring It On, Rebels

They say I'm crazy. I really don't care.

Tomorrow will be my usual game preview of which I'm rarely ever wrong. But, first, I just thought I'd set a few ground rules from where Arkansas fans are coming from to help those people across the country that really didn't or don't understand the dynamics that have happened around here during Houston Nutt's last few seasons.

I can't speak for all, but hopefully the following will cover most of the bases. (Take note, Ole Miss fans):

It is our prerogative to now refer to Houston Nutt as a horrible football coach even though we might have liked him and thought he was a very good coach at one time.

It is our prerogative to say he couldn't recruit worth a damn and that's why our team is struggling this season even though there are many highly recruited players on the Razorback sidelines.

It is our prerogative to laugh at Ole Miss for hiring sloppy seconds even if we are secretly scared that he will dominate Arkansas, and we will never hear the end of it from Ole Miss or the media. (Side note: This would be the equivalent of you running into your ex-girlfriend that you broke up with because you thought you could do better. Only you realize upon seeing her that she dropped about 20 pounds, got a great boob job, and found out that she landed a job raking in a six-figure salary working for a professional sports organization).

It is our prerogative to say Karma sucks, and I told you this would happen if Ole Miss beats Arkansas on Saturday, and makes everyone nauseous in the process.

It is our prerogative to boo Coach Nutt relentlessly even though we stood up and applauded him hundreds of times over 10 years.

It is our prerogative to continue to photoshop his picture into unflattering, compromising positions to both entertain and piss off people.

It is our prerogative to continue to hold Coach Nutt solely responsible for the embarrassment that has plagued the University of Arkansas over the last 24 months, even though many other coaches, players, parents, boosters, and/or administrators may have been equally at fault.

It is our prerogative to "go Peter" and deny three times (or even more) that we ever supported or ever thought Coach Nutt was a good football coach.

Is is also our prerogative to stand up and say that we liked Coach Nutt and wish he was still here.

For the people who have no idea of what happened the last few years here, we can play either side of the fence here and get away with it for the most part. Many around the country refer to Arkansas fans as "crazy" and "delusional." Well, I tend to prefer passionate and optimistic instead.

So, now that you understand the above forementioned prerogatives, this will allow the Hog Tale to bring down the hate on Ole Miss in tomorrow's preview of the game.

After all, it's my prerogative. I can do what I want to do. (Yes, I really did just bring down a lame, late 80's reference down on your head today. Get over it.)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Hog Tale Interviews Houston Nutt

With the big game approaching this weekend, The Hog Tale thought it would only be fitting to get that Ole Rebel, himself, Coach Houston Nutt in for a quick interview via the technology of satellite and voice modification.

Where are you at Coach? Looks like some pyramids in the background.

Really? I thought the grove included trees.

Are you excited to come back to a place you called home for many years?

Are those Camels in the background?

Can I ask about your new haircut and new look? What gives with the red mohawk and the motorcycle, coach?

OK. Fair enough. What does Ole Miss need to do this weekend to win at Arkansas?

What kind of reception do you anticipate receiving from the Razorback faithful this Saturday?

Well, Coach Nutt. You are definitely pretty confident. Any words of advice for your former quarterback Casey Dick, who has struggled in recent weeks.

Thanks for your time, Coach Nutt, and good luck this weekend in your return to Fayetteville.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Bring On The Banner!

I doubt this will happen, but I think it would be funny as hell if these Ole Miss supporters did hire a plane to fly a banner around our stadium this Saturday. Gay, and oh, so very lame, but the irony in the situation would be well worth it.

The boys over at the Red Solo Cup hope to hell this doesn't happen, and also help to stoke the flames for the upcoming game this weekend.

Last year's waste of money...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Nuttcoming Week

The most anticipated game on the schedule is just days away. Ask most Hog fans before the season started which one game they wanted to win most - Ole Miss in a landslide.

If Houston Nutt comes into Fayetteville and hands it to the Hogs and Hog faithful, there will be some bitter people and a lot of Houston lovers coming out of the woodworks next week.

On the other hand, if the Razorbacks pull out a win against their former coach, Coach Petrino could get blown out by 100 points in every remaining game and still be in good graces with the Hog faithful.

The one thing we'll all miss about Nutt is has any coach been photoshopped and/or made fun of more than Coach Nutt in his final few seasons as head Hog? I don't think so, and in honor of Coach Nutt's return to the great state of Arkansas, and after much research, The Hog Tale proudly brings you our favorite 15 photshopped photos of one Houston Dale Nutt:


In honor of AC/DC's first studio album in 8 years, "Black Ice" (released at Wal-Mart today), here is Angus Houston Nutt Young...


Hey Houston, why so serious?


The caption says it all...


A techmo bowl mind at its' best...


Baby Nutt on papa Broyles shoulders


Pez anyone?


Nutt and spin


Best buds, Nutt and Nolan


Riding the man who should have won the Heisman trophy last year


Hey ladies! Free mammograms for all!


Coach B and Mini B


Loved it when Coach Nutt used to join the fans in the stands...


Temporary employment before Ole Miss came calling...


Broyles and Nutt have taken many classic photos over the years. None better than this one...


And finally, there's just something about Houston

Many thanks to the likes of BSticks, Chortle, DEVICEHIGH and others over at Hogville and around the internets for the images above. If you have some time, you can check out hundreds more over at
My apologies to the glaring omission of not giving a shout out of thanks to the fellas over at where many of the pics originated as well.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I think the headline pretty much sums up the feeling in Razorback territory today. It was a suckerpunch to the nether regions. A low blow of ultimate proportions. It was a loss that stings way worse than any 45-7 blowout ever could.

For 3 1/2 quarters, the Razorbacks were the better football team. Much better.

Michael Smith was slicing up the Wildcat defense like a smaller version of Darren McFadden or Felix Jones for 193 yards before leaving in the fourth quarter with a concussion. UK QB Mike Hartline was making a case for worst QB in the league, and Kentucky was not only the worst team in the SEC, they were one of the worst teams in the nation at that point. It was a sea of boo in Commonwealth Stadium as the Kentucky fans rained down their displeasure with the team's performance.

Many Kentucky fans had actually given up and were actually leaving with just under six minutes to go following another turnover when Hartline was picked off by Ramon "My Posse's On" Broadway.

But the very next play saw Arkansas tailback De'Anthony Curtis fumble, and it was recovered by Kentucky.

All of sudden, the Hog defense went AWOL. Hartline changed into his Sam Bradford costume in the phone booth and rallied the Cats with 2 touchdown passes in 2 minutes, both to backup QB Randall Cobb.

The next thing you know it's 21-20 Kentucky with two minutes remaining. The final Razorback drive went nowhere except backwards and ended with a Kentucky interception (one of 8 total turnovers in the game).

Petrino loses for the first time ever to Rich Brooks. Actually, it wasn't so much a loss as a giveaway. The Razorbacks gave their fourth win of the season away, and it could come back to haunt them come bowl time. There was just no word to describe this bizarre game. I could only come up with one:


Friday, October 17, 2008

They Believe: The Arkansas - Kentucky Preview

Arkansas 3-3 (1-2) at Kentucky 4-2 (0-2)

Kickoff: 6 pm
Line: UK favored by 8

The Wildcat faithful believe. They believe in blue.

Belief can be defined as having confidence, faith, or trust in something. Unfortunately, just because you believe in something, that doesn't necessarily mean it will ever be true.

Personally, I believe the children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. Some other important beliefs from Razorback fans include:

Ron White: I Believe, that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

Larry The Cable Guy: I believe that sometimes you gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the truck payment.

Belief is a funny thing, because you can believe in the craziest things (like Kentucky football winning the SEC), and they may never come to fruition (see also: Cubs' fans for the last 100 years).

The only thing I know about the upcoming game is that the last time the Razorbacks invaded Lexington, Kentucky, it resulted in a 7 OT 71-63 win in 2003. The game featured 605 yards in total offense by Arkansas which was led by QB Matt Jones. Kentucky garnered 506 yards in total offense that day led by 475 pound QB Jared Lorenzen.

Times have changed as neither team enters the contest with a NFL caliber QB. The Hogs are led by senior Casey Dick who is averaging 235 yards per game through the air and is completing 58 percent of his passes. RB Michael Smith is averaging 119 yards per game on the ground for the Hogs.

Their counterparts will be Mike Hartline at QB (171 yds. per game) and RB Derrick Locke who leads the Cats with 269 yards rushing... total.

The Final Analysis:

Petrino was 4-0 against the Cats while he was head coach at Louisville. Expect that dominance to carry over to Arkansas and to continue Saturday night. Petrino has the Cats' number and will call all the right plays tomorrow night at Commonwealth Stadium. Last season, D-Mac and Felix Jones rumbled for a combined 300 yards approximately and somehow lost that game. I still am shaking my head over that one. Watch for Michael Smith to run for about 400 yards tomorrow. Basketball practice is already underway so don't expect too much outrage over the Hogs' win tomorrow from UK fans. I think Kentucky keeps it close for a while, and then the Hogs pull away to win 71-6. I believe.

From the UK side of things, Sasha Baron Cohen helps the Fake Gimel Martinez with his "Fake Strategery" for tomorrow over at

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tired of Losing, Kentucky Football Makes Plans to Switch Conferences

With Arkansas' impending domination of Kentucky looming around the corner, I bring you the latest in Kentucky football today hot off of The Hog Tale's AP wire...

AP report

"We hates losing! Joining the Ivy League would be a pretty good call right about now." - Kentucky Coach Rich Brooks

The year was 1976 and Jimmy Carter was the newly elected President of the United States. The median household income was $12,686 per year and Rocky was landing big blows at the movie theatres. 1976 was also the last time Kentucky shared the SEC title in football, and it was actually 1950 under Bear Bryant the last time the Mildcats won a SEC title outright. Depressing? It should be. I mean, it's not Vanderbilt-depressing, but hey, Vandy doesn't actually count as an athletic institution yet does it?

The Captain and Tenille won Record of the year for "Love Will Keep Us Together." What is that song, you say? It's my pleasure to bring it to you today via the power of Youtube.
Sidenote: The great thing about this video is that they don't even pretend to try and hide the fact that they are lip-synching. Notice there are no microphones anywhere in site. Enjoy (I know I did)!

(Just goes to show that you never know what you're going to get here at The Hog Tale. Also, I'm getting myself one of those hats and calling myself "The Double K")

"We will never win the SEC," said Brooks, "I tell my players that all the time. I say: 'Players, we are never winning the SEC, so get your damn education and get ready for the real world, because like Kentucky football there is a lot of losing in the real world. Get used to it.'"

When reminded that his team is 4-2 and has a pretty decent run the past few years with the likes of Andre Woodson, Brooks said, "Winning is fleeting here. It's only a temporary bandaid that will eventually come off of a nasty cut that we like to refer to as losing!"

Rumors have swirled at the University the past few years that the football team is looking for a new conference - preferably the Ivy League or the SunBelt Conference.

When asked about the posibility of UK jumping to a different conference in football, UK Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart had this to say:

"We think we can win conference championships. Just not in the SEC. We've been scouting the Ivy League, the Sunbelt, and the Big East. These are the three conferences where we think we can dominate in the future."

Coach Rich Brooks in his fifth year at Kentucky says change will come, but the consistent winning will only happen when they switch conferences.

"Look. We don't have the brightest or the best here in our football program, and we never will. I know what's important and I keep it simple for my boys. I only have three rules for my players," said Brooks, "One, wear a cup. Two, wear a helmet when you check into the game. And three, wear a condom when sleeping with your cousin. Most of 'em get two out of three."

(It may take another cinematical miracle for Kentucky to ever win another SEC football title)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Few Links

Coach Pel was originally going to fly with the Blue Angels, but apparently he is too awesome (or maybe he's too tall or something) to fly with the group.

The game with Kentucky is going to be on ESPNU at 6pm on Saturday, and you can read the upcoming game notes here.

But Arkansas' ass-kicking of Ole Miss, disappointingly, is going to be pay-per-view.

And, D-Mac is the man so far this season as it pertains to rookie trading cards.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Wanted: New Coaching Staff At Auburn

(Casey: Must suck to be Auburn right now, huh Coach?
Coach Petrino: Yeah, glad I left this dump when I had the chance (cheerful laugh together))

For some reason, there were a lot of people that thought Auburn could and would win the SEC West when the season started. Absolute foolishness. All you had to do was look at their quarterback situation and it was easy to see that this was not a conference championship team. An untested Chris Todd in a new offense, and a non-throwing threat in Kodi Burns. Dual QB systems never work very well. I don't know what people were thinking.

Anyway, the complete chaos that is currently Auburn football is of no concern to me anymore because the Hogs got their first of many big wins to come under Coach Bobby Petrino with their impressive 25-22 win at Auburn on Saturday. And, make no mistake, it was impressive.

Arkansas outgained Auburn 416-193 in yardage. Michael Smith broke free for 176 yards on the ground. Casey Dick threw for 222 yards and if it hadn't been for his two interceptions that nearly resulted in two TDs for Auburn, the score might have even reflected a more lopsided total than just three points. The much maligned defense came up with a big goal line stand at the end of the game, and the Razorbacks just plain outmanned the Tigers in the trenches.

Chalk one up for the Petrino era, and if you need a job, be sure to check the local want ads in Auburn, Craig's list, Monster, and Google among other places for postings out of Auburn this week trying to attract new coaches and better players.

Next up for the Hogs: this Saturday at Kentucky where the Hogs will look to avenge another home loss from last season