Friday, February 27, 2009

Pelphrey Vows More Practice, Less Class

"I'm speaking literally with regards to both definitions of class," said Coach Pelphrey in a recent interview, "We will practice more with less class-room work and less class in terms of behavior. We have pretty much lost all respect in the SEC anyway, so we vow to not give any in return for the remainder of the year. I'm talking to you Georgia, and Ole Miss, and Vandy, and whomever we kill in the SEC Tourney. There will be more cursing and more technicals and more childlike behavior in terms of our team. I may even throw a chair across the floor before the season ends."

Pelphrey, who picked up his 6th technical of the year at Alabama the other night, has outlined a plan with help from Athletic Director Jeff Long that will allow the Razorback basketball players to practice up to 12 hours a day while still getting in their classroom work.

"We are going to have all their classroom stuff streaming on video for the players to watch during waterbreaks," said Pelphrey, "15 minute breaks every hour for 12 hours adds up to 15 hours per week without ever leaving the gym. This will allow them to pretty much remain in the gym all day long without having to actually attend class. They'll get 45 hours of practice in Monday through Friday and another 24 hours on the weekend. Plus the remaining games! It's brilliant!"

Pelphrey went on to say that he's tired of getting his ass kicked, so at the very least he can take it out on either his players or his family and his family was getting really tired of the f-bomb outbursts at home over dinner.

"When he came home, sat down for dinner, and yelled out 'Eff this meatloaf! and Eff these damn green beans!', that's when I knew that I had had enough, and so I grounded him from the Wii," said Mrs. Pelphrey, "The biggest downer now is that the kids now refer to my meatloaf as 'mom's effin' meatloaf.'"

When Coach Pelphrey was questioned about NCAA guidelines that prohibit this amount of practice, Pelphrey responded:

"Eff the NCAA! We'll practice nine hours a day if I feel like it! Anybody that don't agree with me can take it up with Coach Evans, and that brother is packin' some heat with him at all times, so proceed with caution."

Some of the Razorback players had reservations about the new practice schedule but seemed to be taking it in stride.

"My girlfriend cheated on me with three other guys once we started losing all the time, my parents are embarassed for me to come home, and my grades are sucking to the point that I probably won't be eligible next season," said one player who wished to remain anonymous, "I mine as well get in all the practice I can right now."

You gotta problem wit me? Huh, do you punk?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Celebration of a Championship

It's been 15 long years since the Razorbacks thoroughly dominated on the basketball floor (suck it, Duke!), and this weekend we will all take a walk down memory lane as the NCAA championship squad from 1994 will be honored all weekend long concluding with the basketball game against Georgia on Sunday afternoon at 3:05 inside Bud Walton arena. The game will be televised by Raycom sports.

You can click here if you want more information on the happenings around Fayetteville on Sunday. I, for one, am excited to see the return of Nolan to the place he once owned with his "40 Minutes of Hell" style. Maybe Pelphrey will let him sit on the bench and help coach these young Razorbacks to an ass-kicking of Georgia.

Our last NCAA basketball championship coach sitting next to our next NCAA basketball championship coach. I hope Pel wears his bright red suit jacket on Sunday.

Alabama 88 Arkansas 67

When you see us play
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When we shoot the trey
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

You should forget about the first semester, it would be just as well
And hope in the SEC tourney we begin to jell
Or else they'll only be a few games left in this hell

We've won one game
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
But we beat OU and Texas too
Hope it gives them hell

Today, you're thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

Truth be told, it's ok
And truth be told, I'm lying

When you see us play
Hope it gives you hell, but I still love Pel
We'll be back one day
And we'll give you hell, yes, we'll give you hell

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

At Bama Tonight

Yes, your Razorbacks are still playing and are in Alabama tonight. I'm predicting a Razorback romp something like 112-27. Sorry for my lack of posts lately, but I've been attending to more important matters if you can believe that.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Put Me in Coach, I'm Ready to Play

Late February is here and we all know what that means - baseball season is here!

No matter how many years continue to roll by, I will never get used to baseball being played in February unless it's in Florida or Arizona.

The Hogs are off to a 3-0 start after a weekend series sweep of Washington State. It was the best news Razorback fans have had since, well, December I guess. Well, that or signing day earlier in the month.

The Razorbacks play host to Kansas for two games on Tuesday and Wednesday before hosting Western Illinois over the weekend.

You can check out the Razorback Nine blog for what promises to be some good Razorback baseball coverage.

The only thing I really have to say about the state of the basketball program right now is that Jason Henry will be the best player out of this freshman class if he stays healthy and academically eligible for the next few years. The Hogs are back on the road for a game at Alabama on Wednesday.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Horror... The Horror

So I was in attendance last night in the great Bud Walton arena wearing my Hog-colored glasses and just knowing that this was the kind of game the Hogs would pull off. You had a LSU team venturing in with only one SEC loss and now ranked in the top 25 for the first time since 2007, and you had a Hog team on a downward spiral that was due for a win.

It looked good for the Hogs until the final few minutes when a lack of execution on the offensive end, and a lack of defensive rebounding ultimately cost the Hogs a win. LSU had 19 offensive rebounds (Tasmin Mitchell had 8 by himself) including one by Garrett Temple off a missed free throw with 16 seconds to go and LSU only up 2. A collective kick to the groin was felt by the fans in attendance after that happened, because Marcus Thornton hit both free throws after that to seal it for LSU.

You can check out the full boxscore here.

The Razorbacks are now 13-11 with a trip to South Carolina on the agenda for a Saturday game.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

LSU Tonight

(This is not the man that I loved to hate when LSU comes to town)

Well, Coach Pelphrey's sophomore season is winding down with only three home games remaining starting tonight with LSU and finishing up with Georgia and Ole Miss.

LSU is playing well this season under new coach Trent Johnson. Man, how I miss crazy John Brady and his group of underachievers. Instead, we get a team ranked 23rd in the AP poll with 21 wins and only four losses (Texas A&M, Utah, Alabama, and Xavier), and is 9-1 in the SEC.

Marcus Thornton leads LSU in scoring at 20 points per game which is only second to the man that single-handedly stomped on Bud Walton's grave when he was here - Jodie Meeks of Kentucky.

Courtney Fortson is expected to be back in uniform tonight for the Hogs, so at least we have that going for us.

It's a 7pm tipoff tonight with no television, so go to the game if you have tickets and a strong stomach. Personally, I'm just going to pretend it's still John Brady and his group of underachievers on the opposing bench and won't be a bit surprised when Arkansas gets their second SEC win of the year.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy President's Day!

This is for you, Johnny Utah.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Hogs Spank Kentucky

What a sweet, sweet win it was for the Hogs against SEC east rival Kentucky the other day. Arkansas jumped out to a a 36-22 lead and cruised to a 86-72 win over the over-matched Mildcats.

Joe Johnson was outstanding as the freshman went for 21 points and 5 rebounds. That dude is headed for super-stardom in the NBA someday, I can just feel it. Let's just hope that he doesn't end up in a dismal NBA city like Atlanta.
My man, Sergerio Gipson had 16 for the Razorbacks out of nowhere, and Brandon Dean was solid with 12 points.

The Razorbacks demonstrated some serious defense in holding the Cats to only 38% shooting from the field and only 21% from the three-point line. Tayshaun Prince had 15 points and 6 rebounds and continues to amaze me with his overall lack of impressiveness. He's one of those guys that will probably make it in the NBA because of his freakish arms. Keith Bogans had 25 pts. and Jamaal Magloire added 16 points and 13 boards for the Wildcats that just didn't stand a chance.

I missed the game on TV, but here's the full boxscore of Saturday's dominating Razorback win. Way to go, boys!

Life is good Razorback fans!

P.S. Somewhere, some kid named Jodie Meeks is watching, nailing 25 footers, and plotting his revenge. Bastard.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Pelphrey Proposes 3 vs. 3 Halfcourt Game Against Kentucky

In light of freshman Courtney Fortson's suspension and Marcus Monk's career as a Razorback basketball player over, the Razorbacks are down to only 8 scholarship players suiting up, but Coach Pelphrey and the University have come up with an idea they hope Kentucky will agree to tomorrow: a 3 vs. 3 halfcourt game.

"Hell, I'm having to suspend these knuckleheads every other week for something and it's leaving me with a young, under-prepared group of players every game," said Pelphrey, "One week it's Montrell McDonald being let go, then it's Brandon Moore and his DUI, then it's Marcus Monk, then it's Jason Henry's knee, now it's Courtney... again. I half expect Rotnei (Clarke) and Michael Sanchez to confess that they hijack cars on Dickson Street in their spare time."

When asked about the specifics surrounding Fortson's suspension, Coach Pelphrey didn't elaborate too much:

"It's because of his awesomeness. He is the most awesome freshman point guard in the country and so I think I need to suspend him, but I'm not here today to talk about my suspended point guard. I'm here to propose a change to the game Saturday. I would like a three on three halfcourt game with Billy G's team. It'll help us out with overall wear and tear, and because of our lack of depth will really be beneficial for us to do something like that. It will help Kentucky out because they only have three good players anyway - Meeks counts as 1 1/2 good players, Patterson counts as one and the rest of the team counts as a 1/2."

The Cats are 17-7 overall and 6-3 in the SEC. The specifics outlined and drawn up by Pelphrey and Athletic Director Jeff Long propose regular 20 minute halves, make-it-take-it, threes count for two and twos count for one, every player will get five fouls, call your own fouls, and will be shirts vs. skins.

Arkansas' proposed starting lineup:
Stefan Welsh
Jason Henry
Michael Washington

No word from the hicks in Kentucky as to whether this will be an acceptable format to get their asses beat in, or if they prefer to get beat by an under-manned Razorback team playing by the normal rules instead.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

It's Getting Old

The Hogs blew another halftime lead last night. This time it was Auburn that rallied from an eight point half-time deficit to win going away 75-62. The Hogs even won that all-important first 4-5 minutes of the second half and actually led by nine with 15 and a half minutes to play when Courtney Fortson missed two free throws that could have given the Hogs an 11 point lead. Instead, Auburn went on a 15-2 run over the next five and a half minutes to take the lead for good.

"I hate Auburn! The whole state of Auburn can go to hell!... and Alabama also! We are going to kill Kentucky on Saturday. Billy Gillespie is a dead man! If we do lose to Kentucky on Saturday, I am going to run all these players until I puke!" said Pelphrey after the game.

The Razorbacks are now 13-9 with Kentucky coming to visit on Saturday. I just have a feeling that the way the Hogs have been playing that it will all click together on Saturday once again and Kentucky will go home a loser.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Things That Annoy Me - February Edition

Well, with the Hogs struggling in the hoop arena and staring down a game at Auburn tomorrow night, let's divert ourselves from their recent struggles for a bit and enjoy this gem from signing day.

From the things that annoy me category, here is another one of those stupid self-promoting press conferences where the athlete chooses where he going to go to college. Here is defensive back Dre Kirkpatrick and the spectacle he put on in choosing Alabama over Texas... subtitles included!

The part that cracked me up was the part where he said that he isn't afraid of Julio Jones. Ummm, you guys are on the same team I believe now.

Of course, I wouldn't mind more made up press conferences from 2008 like this one featuring a lineman named Kevin Hart out of a small school in Nevada. This dude chooses Cal over Oregon even though neither school (or any division one school for that matter) offered him a scholarship.

Personally, I'm getting a little sick of the hat choice as well. Let's get some creativity going. How about lifesize pinatas of the two head football coaches and the player selects his school by beating the hell out of the other "coach" pinata he won't play for.

Or what if the player got a giant tat across his chest of the team he wants to play for and rips open his shirt to reveal that team, or hires a sky-writing plane to write out his choice.

It would even be fun to have two boxes on a table with money in them and tell everyone that whichever team sent him the most cash is where he will go play and then proceed to have your accountant count out the money in front of everyone.

Maybe the prospect is so good that he tells all the head coaches that they must arm wrestle the other coaches with the winner getting his signature, or the prospect draws up a complicated pirate map and sends the media out to find the treasure which names the school he is attending. Don't tell me the media wouldn't eat this up, because whoever found it would have the exclusive.

Whatever the case, please either ditch the whole signing day press conferences or at the very least do something different besides selecting a hat and putting it on your dome and looking like a damn fool.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

What In The Starkhell?

The Razorbacks are finding new and excruciating ways of torturing me this season as evidenced by their come from ahead loss to Mississippi State on Saturday.

Let's face it though, there were no consensus big expectations of this team pre-season sans my undefeated prediction which is besides the point right now. Most prognosticators had the Hogs with about 13-14 wins at this point in the season anyway. Most might have figured that the Hogs would have at least 2-3 SEC wins at this point, but no one saw the upsets of OU or Texas.

This is a young team and they look it right now. The Hogs shot 62 percent from the field in the first half to take a 15 point lead into the lockerroom only to have the Bulldogs shoot 64 percent from the field in the second half to win it 86-77. Jarvis Varnado had 7 blocks for the Dogs.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Bobby Petrino's 2nd Annual Best Recruiting Class of All Time has the Razorbacks with the 15th best recruiting class in the nation, and we all know what that means, don't we? Absolutely nothing. The one minor problem with having the 15th best class overall if you're into this sort of thing is that it still ranks as only 6th best in the SEC.

So, let's take a look at Petrino's 2nd annual best recruiting class of all-time (height, weight, 40 yd. times included):

Apparently, the jewel of the class is 5 star recruit Darius Winston out of West Helena.

Dude just has a cool name so that has to be at least half a star right there. Let me try it out for you a few times... "Darius Winston with the interception!" "Darius Winston in on the tackle!" Darius Winston is our BCS Championship player of the game." "Darius Winston has been stopped and charged with possession of marijuana and driving under the influence." Wait, strike that last one. That'll never happen. You know why? Because Darius Winston will be too busy laying the wood to every good wide receiver in the league, baby. I just like saying "Darius Winston." Rolls off the tongue just like his play in the secondary - very smooth.

Down at the bottom is the full list and all the stuff about weight, height, slamming a beer times, etc., but right now, I'm going with some important stuff like...

Coolest name: Darius Winston is right up there, but since he is the 5 star stud, I'm going to go with - Rudell Crim (Butler County C.C. in Kansas).

I like the name Rudell, and Crim is a cool last name. He's a defensive back, so the first time he levels a receiver or running back and lays him out, he could be "The Crimpler." C'mon, work with me. His gang of buddies in the secondary could be The Crimps. Alright, I'll quit.

Best photo: Terrell Williams, Tulsa Union High School

I don't know who posts these photos of players on here, but if I were Terrell, I wouldn't want a picture of me with eyes that looked like I had just spent some quality time with Michael Phelps at a campus party somewhere.

The full soon to be SEC-dominating list of Razorbacks:

Alvin Bailey (3 stars)
6-5 330 5.3
Broken Arrow, OK

Neal Barlow (3 stars)
6-6 190 4.55
Little Rock, AR

Colby Berna (4 stars)
6-4 275 5.1
Fayetteville, AR

Shauntez Bruce (3 stars)
6-5 300 -
Tallahassee, FL

Ryan Calender (3 stars)
6-8 220 4.8
Caddo Mills, TX

Rudell Crim (4 stars)
6-0 190 4.4
El Dorado, KS

Knile Davis (4 stars)
6-0 209 4.48
Missouri City, TX

David Gordon (3 stars)
5-11 161 4.4
Tulsa, OK

Cobi Hamilton (3 stars)
6-3 190 4.56
Texarkana, TX

John Henderson (2 stars)
6-1 300 4.95
Visalia, CA

Rickey Hughey (3 stars)
6-5 221 4.7
Stamps, AR

DeQuinta Jones (4 stars)
6-4 305 4.92
Bastrop, LA

Anthony Leon (4 stars)
6-3 230 4.55
Visalia, CA

Kevin Lowery (3 stars)
6-3 286 5.1
Gainesville, FL

Brandon Mitchell (3 stars)
6-4 220 4.5
Amite, LA

Jerry Mitchell (3 stars)
6-1 198 4.5
Mandeville, LA

Austin Moss (4 stars)
6-2 209 4.57
Rockwall, TX

Colton Nash (3 stars)
6-6 240 4.8
Sulphur Springs, TX

Anthony Oden (4 stars)
6-8 295 4.87
Chatham, VA

Ross Rasner (3 stars)
6-0 197 -
Waco, TX

Lance Ray (3 stars)
6-2 183 4.4
Havana, FL

Andru Stewart (3 stars)
5-11 190 4.5
Visalia, CA

Travis Swanson (3 stars)
6-5 271 -
Kingwood, TX

Austin Tate (3 stars)
6-6 230 4.75
Harrison, AR

Robert Thomas (3 stars)
6-1 295 -
Muskogee, OK

Zhamal Thomas (3 stars)
6-4 315 5
Corsicana, TX

Terrell Williams (3 stars)
6-2 210 4.58
Tulsa, OK

Turell Williams (3 stars)
6-2 215 4.5
West Helena, AR

Ronnie Wingo Jr. (4 stars)
6-3 212 4.4
St. Louis, MO

Darius Winston (5 stars)
6-0 180 4.4
West Helena, AR

How broke down the SEC in recruiting:
(overall ranking)

1. Alabama (1)
2. LSU (2)
3. Georgia (9)
4. Florida (10)
5. South Carolina (12)
6. Arkansas (15)
7. Tennessee (17)
8. Ole Miss (18)
9. Auburn (19)
10. Mississippi State (23)
11. Kentucky (42)
12. Vanderbilt (73 - damn those academic requirements!)

The Vols Make Me Want To Puke

I almost threw up last night after the final minute unfolded in Bud Walton Arena where Tennessee escaped with a two point victory over the Hogs. Seriously. I wanted to puke. I wanted to blow chunks right on Bruce Pearl.

After the game, Pearl had this to say:
"Obviously, this is a big step. It's a really good step for us. ... It's got a chance to catapult us."

Well, Bruce. In the words of Christian Bale - Oh, good for you! If you haven't heard Bale's baby tantrum on the set of the new Terminator movie, click on the link to hear the PG version as brought to you by "The Today Show." The moral of this story is - don't ever go into the lighting business in Hollywood.

Anyway, there were definitely some things to like about the Razorbacks last night despite the two point loss:

Reminding us all why Freshmen can be so damn frustrating was Courtney Fortson who in no way resembled one of the best freshmen in the country the first 30 minutes of the game. In fact, I was trying to think up a way to get him off the floor at one point but realized Coach Pel's bench is horribly lacking at this point. But, the last 10 minutes of the game, Fortson almost single-handedly won it for us as he scored 12 of the final 14 points for the Razorbacks and reaffirmed his status as best freshman point guard in the country.

Coach Pel went with Jason Henry in the starting lineup. I think Henry might have the most upside of any freshman on the team and might be the key to how successful the Hogs become over the next two to three years. He had seven boards and shot the ball well the first half.

Michael Sanchez started the night on the bench, but when he came in and got the ball on offense, he was aggressive and took it the hole on Tennessee. I loved seeing that from him last night as he has a tendency to disappear at times.

Stefan Welsh played brilliantly despite missing the final off balance leaner in the lane as the clock expired. Despite the one brick that I can recall off-hand, Welsh shot the ball well finishing with 22 points and had three steals. It seemed like he had more than three though.

M-Dub was Double-Dub again as Washington went for 18 pts. and 11 boards.

It's on to Mississippi State Saturday for a 2:05 tipoff.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tennessee Will Always Have To Wear That Horrible Orange. Boom Roasted!

That's right Razorback fans, the puke orange of Bruce Pearl's Tennessee Volunteer team takes on the Hogs Wednesday night in another must win for these Razorbacks if they hope to be playing anywhere besides their parents' driveways after the SEC tourney in March.

I surveyed 100 average Arkansas Razorback fans and asked the question: What's not to love about Tennessee? The reply I got back: Everything.

The stupid mascot. The city of Knoxville. Peyton Manning. That annoying, ear-bleeding song. The uniforms. Bruce Pearl's painted chest. Bruce Peal's horrific orange suit jacket. The thugs playing on the basketball team. The thugs playing on the football team. The thugs competing on the gymnastics team. Peyton Manning. The nausea of having to hear about Pat Summitt's impending 1,000th win for another few days. Lane Kiffin (not Lane Kiffin's wife).

Remember when we kicked Tennessee's ass last year in the SEC tourney? Steven Hill made his only basket that wasn't a dunk all year with that last second turn around jumper at the buzzer. That game was awesome especially when Pel started jawing at that thug Tyler Smith of Tennessee.

Well, Tyler Smith is coming, but if you don't want to go see a pair of 13 win teams play ball Wed. night, then by all means at least show up for the halftime show! It's "Quick Change" for God's sake!

These two have performed for Oprah and the Queen of England and on "America's Got Talent" and well, the list goes on. Next up for them after this appearance is the "Lamest Act of All-Time" reality show.
Really? Is this considered talent? Do you have to possess special skills to pull this off? I'd like to know, dammit, and has there ever been a Janet Jackson like wardrobe malfunction while performing this? If someone were to teach the poor people of Africa this "talent" we would never have to ship T-shirts of the losing Superbowl champions like the "Arizona Cardinals - Superbowl Champions 2009" shirts ever again!

The gayness of "Quick Change" (with a fall at the beginning of the routine) for any of you that have never seen it...

Back to the game. Tennessee has to be one of the top three biggest disappointments this season year to date. The Vols were a consensus top 10-15 team and picked by most to win the SEC at the beginning of the year, but now find themselves unranked at 13-7 and 4-2 in the SEC. A loss at the hands of the Razorbacks would only solidify their chokiness this season.

To finish up the scouting report on Tennessee, here is Michael Scott:

Tyler Smith, you went to Iowa first to play ball and you are only shooting 27% from three-point range. Iowa called and said they're glad you're gone. You suck. Boom roasted.
Wayne Chism, you lead the Vols in fouls. You're a fouler. You foul to excess. You're foulalicious. In other words, you cheat. And that headband looks stupid on you. Boom roasted.
J.P. Prince, you are 1 for 15 from the three-point line and your cousin is Tayshaun Prince of the Detroit Pistons. You two are the ugliest set of cousins in America. Boom roasted.
Bobby Maze, you look like the love child conceived by the two dudes from Real Chance at Love on VH-1. Boom roasted.

Renaldo Woolridge, your dad Orlando was an awesome player back in his day, but you are the worst shooter on the team (32% from the field, 29% from three pt., and 46% from the free throw line). Brick-layer, you are. Boom roasted.
Michael Hubert, Steven Pearl (coaches' son), Quinn Cannington, and Tanner Wild, you are all white and will never amount to anything in collegiate basketball. You will all continue to ride the pine. Boom roasted.

Final prediction:

Monday, February 2, 2009

Did We Play This Weekend?

I refuse to acknowledge any basketball game played in Louisiana this past Saturday.

I do, however, acknowledge that my pro team of choice - the Steelers won their record-setting sixth Superbowl. Suck it, Cowboy fans.

I look forward to tomorrow night's Tennessee blowout at Bud Walton Arena.

That is all.