Friday, August 29, 2008

The Arkansas - Western Illinois Preview

Arkansas (0-0) vs. Western Illinois University (0-0)
Saturday 6pm
Reynolds Razorback Stadium

We are going to kill Western Illinois. Seriously. I really mean we might kill them. I'm talking tons of hits, explosions, and blood that may lead this game to a NC-17 rating. We're talking Tarantino type carnage here. We are going to kill you dead, Western Illinois. There will be blood.

The purple and gold Leathernecks are sauntering into Razorback country for a good ol' southern ass whoopin' - SEC style.

The Razorbacks show at least 18 true freshman on the two-deep chart (and seems to be changing every minute) which tells me that there are going to be 13 opponents this season getting spanked by a bunch of guys barely past their high school senior prom night.

What we do know is that we will probably see a lot of those frosh come Saturday evening. Casey Dick will lead the offense with DJ Williams, London Crawford, Jarius Wright, and Lucas Miller seeing their fare share of balls thrown their way. Michael Smith will be starting at tailback, but we'll probably get to see a lot of Dennis Johnson, Brandon Barnett, and De'Anthony Curtis.

WIU comes into the contest ranked #25 in whatever the hell division of football they pretend to play in. The purple and gold are led by their kicker and a running back named Herb. In whatever the hell division they play in, their kicker is a pre-season first team All-America. Taylor Rowan booted six field goals over 50 yards last year (the most among Division I kickers). But, in Illinois and in whatever the hell division of football, the fields are smaller and 50 yards equates to about 30 yards in real football from what I hear.

(Is there anything more intimidating than a light yellow bulldog?)

The Leathernecks also have third team pre-season All-America Herb Donaldson who is on pace to become Western's all-time leading rusher in only his third season there. Herb has back to back 1,400 yard seasons in whatever the hell division of football they play in. Herb. Herbie. Herbster. I'd be embarrassed to let anyone named Herb run for very much on me. I say Herb is in for a rude SEC welcoming and will be lucky to get past the line of scrimmage anytime he gets the ball.

Trivia question stumper: There are three division one schools with military nicknames. Name them.
Answer: 1. Army Cadets 2. Navy Midshipmen and... you ready? 3. Western Illinois Leathernecks
Feel free to win some money or alchohol of your choice off of your friends with that little trivia question.

Most famous WIU footballers:

(Bryan Cox made flipping off the fans in the NFL fun for everyone)

(Rodney Harrison is still hanging around with the Patriots and will forever be part of the "helmet catch" in last year's Super Bowl loss to the Giants)

Final Analysis:

The Razorbacks recorded their most lopsided win ever in 1911 when the Hogs spanked Missouri State 100-0. Well, 1911 will be erased from the record books tomorrow evening in Fayetteville when the Flying Petrinos hang 105 on WIU in a 105-6 win. Casey Dick will be slinging more rock than your neighborhood crack dealer as Razorback fans will get a glimpse of the future. Leave the small children and weak-stomached at home, because there will be blood.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

48 Hour Countdown

We're just two days away from college football and from the Petrino-era kicking off in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Tomorrow, I will bring you an in-depth breakdown of the first game of the year from Double K's perspective. In the post below, you can get a brief overview of every game and how I predict the year will play out, but tomorrow will be a little more detailed about the opponent and the game itself. And as a reminder, please feel free to leave a score prediction in the shout box on the right side of the page.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Game Week News & Notes

Just a few quick hits for you on this most excellent Tuesday...

Former All-SEC linebacker and Razorback linebacker Tony Bua has been named an honorary captain for the season opener against Western Illinois.

The game notes which include the just released two-deep chart for the Razorbacks can be found here.

Coming up later this week will be the Arkansas - Western Illinois Preview, so continue to make your best guess at the score of the game in the shout box on the right side of the page.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Game by Game - Double K Breaks It Down

You'll obviously get more detailed breakdowns of the games during the season, but just like I did last year, I wanted to give a quick game by game preview for the upcoming season.

Last year, I went 8-4 on my prediction for the 2007 season.
If you don't count the games the Razorbacks got screwed in, I went 8-0, and if they hadn't gotten screwed, I would have gone 12-0! I am awesome!

Without further ado, (now changing into my Slick Rick voice) heeerrre we go...

Arkansas vs. Western Illinois

Are you kidding me? WIU has about as much chance of winning this game as the Cubs do of winning the World Series this year... wait... change that to Devil Rays... wait, no... make it the Pirates! Anyway, Casey Dick completes his first 37 passes (including 5 TD passes) leading the Razorbacks to a 35-0 lead... after one quarter. He spends the second half on the bench resting his arm, and the Razorbacks begin the Petrino era 1-0 with a 105-6 win.

Arkansas vs. UL Monroe (in Little Rock)

Petrino gets his first glimpse of the Rock and thinks to himself "what a hell hole" and "we've got to stop playing games here." Anyway, Casey Dick raises his completion percentage from 97 to 98.5% after this game. He throws for seven touchdowns and Michael Smith rumbles for 200 yards on the ground as the Hogs win 97-3.

Arkansas at Texass

You know what they say about Texas! Only steers and queers come from there! Too bad they don't have any steers on their football team. For some reason, the Razorbacks enter the game a big underdog, but they pull off the "upset of the season" so far with a 54-14 spanking of the Shorthorns thanks in large part to great ball control and Alex Tejada's 11 field goals (six of which are over 50 yards).

Arkansas vs. Alabama

The Hammer Bammer Jammer Yellow Rammer Spammer boys got lucky last year that the game didn't come down to a Leigh Tifton extra point. Bama senior QB Jessica Parker Wilson has "one of those game" that causes liquor sales, the crime rate, and Bear Bryant tatoos to go up in Alabama. Jessica throws 5 picks and the Razorbacks get revenge from last year winning 47-21.

Arkansas vs. Florida

Welcome to Arkansas, Tim Teblow. The player that won the Heisman trophy in last year's ridiculous voting over Arkansas' Darren McFadden comes to town. Karma is a mother. Tebow, who only won the Heisman because of racist voters in the Northeast and West coast, gets crushed early and crushed often by our overlooked defensive line. Linebacker Elton Forte sends Tebow to the bench crying early in the third quarter with his fifth sack of the game, and the Razorbacks rally for another stunning win in Fayetteville 52-51.

Arkansas at Auburn

Goodness gracious, who doesn't love Tommy Tuberville? Me! That's who! You don't have Will Muschamp anymore whose defense limited Arkansas to only 7 points last year. You're getting it this year, Tuberville! And on your home turf! Petrino's master game plan works to perfection as Casey Dick picks apart the suspect Auburn defense and Arkansas native, Auburn QB Kodi Burns fumbles six times. Hogs win 63-10.

Arkansas at Kentucky

Another revenge game for the Hogs as Kentucky came in here last year with cross-dressing QB, Andre Woodson and somehow ended up with more points on the score board than the Razorbacks did at the end of the game. I'm claiming there was some sort of scoreboard malfunction that caused this, because no way in hell they were better than us last year. This year, they definitely are not. Revenge is sweet - 71-6 Hogs.

Arkansas vs. Ole Miss

No one around here really cares about this game at all. Some former Razorback coach strolls back into town, but this time he is with the worst SEC team in the league. Instead of anti-Houston Nutt banners flying around the stadium before the game, Razorback fans are flying banners and flags calling for Ole Miss to keep him forever. Razorback fans know that as long as Ole Miss has him as coach, that Ole Miss will be an automatic win every season. Round one to Petrino and company, 108-0.

Arkansas vs. Tulsa (Homecoming)

Offensive genius Gus Malzahn returns with his so-called high-flying Golden Hurricane offense for homecoming in Fayetteville. Well, he gets a lesson in offense this night as young paddawon Malzahn meets up with and tries to match offensive skillz with Darth Sidius Petrino. The master, Petrino, ends up cutting off both his legs and leaving him for dead by a boiling lava river. (Ok, so I took pieces from the movie that didn't quite go together. Sue me.) What I'm saying is that the master is still the master - Razorbacks 75 Golden Hurricane 60.

Arkansas at South Carolina

This was the game last season where D-Mac ran for about 4 miles on the soft Gamecock defense. Felix Jones had his way as well. This year Michael Smith will shred Spurrier's boys for about 300 yards and Casey Dick will manage nicely through the air as the Razorbacks win again 49-13.

Arkansas at Mississippi State

It's Croom and Doom time again at Mississippi State. Because of my love for the Croomer, this game will be close. The Hogs end up winning when the defense gets back to back safeties in the last minute of this contest to pull off a stunning win 31-30.

Arkansas vs. LSU (Little Rock)

Last year's triple OT win was an instant classic. D-Mac brought da wood and helped carry the Golden Boot back to Razorback country. I was in a casino playing poker watching this game last year and I plan to be doing it again this year. I'll be outplaying lesser opponents surely as Petrino will be outcoaching a lesser coach on the opposing sidelines. LSU's national championship hopes go down in flames as the Hogs win in 8 OTs this year 96-90.

(You ain't takin' our boot back!)

Double K's 100% unbiased final prediction: Hogs 12-0

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Shout! Shout! Shout at The Hog Tale!

I'm going all gadgety gangsta on ya today. If you'll notice to the right, there is a new chat box in which I'll be soliciting you, the loyal readers, to give everyone else your best prediction on the upcoming Razorback games beginning next Saturday with Western Illinois.

So, go on with your bad self and tell everyone what you think the score is going to be or what the outcome of this week's Razorback game will look like. If you're the closest, you will be hailed as an official Hog Tale reader genius of the week (along with myself), which will earn you valuable "know-it-all expert points" of which I already have like a gazillion of. But, hey, we all have to start somewhere.

So, buck up campers, and give it your best shot, or shout. (And if you know why I used a picture of Motley Crue in this post, then you are definitely 100% red, white, and Crue.)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Some Links and Stuff

The Hogs concluded two a day practices yesterday in preparations for the season opener against Western Illinois next Saturday.

The guys over at Razorback Expats rank the SEC coaches from 1-12, and only have Bobby Petrino at #7. I won't say I told you so when those guys and that site mysteriously disappear forever after Coach Petrino gets wind of those rankings. They are also pissing off many many people by suggesting that Santa Claus is not real, and making fun of the people who think the Hogs can't possibly win 9 games.

(If Santa is supposedly not real, then who the hell did I take a photo of at the beach last year!?)

Here's an L.A. Times story about former Springdale stud and Arkansas wide receiver Damian Williams who is apparently in the mix to get significant playing time this season at USC. Good thing to, since he would be probably be a practice squad player at Arkansas right now. Same with Mustain who could be the starting QB in USC's season opener with Mark Sanchez recovering from injury.

And, finally, the whole Patrick Beverley thing keeps getting more and more confusing by the day. Frankly, I'm beyond caring at this point unless he somehow ends up back in a Razorback uniform.

Monday, August 18, 2008

And the Countdown Continues

I'm back from Oklahoma, and since I know you can barely contain your excitement, here is the thrilling conclusion to the 2008 football media guide covers rankings:

#6 Auburn

I actually like the artwork/graphics on this cover, but do we need Tommy T front and center? I say no. I think it would have been more appropriate to put something like "We Own Bama" on there somewhere. That's why I'm deducting from their overall ranking and going with the Cocks in front at #5.

#5 South Carolina

I like this artwork/graphics just a little bit better than Auburn's though the premise is the same. You've got the head coach, aka "The Visor" in the middle and some stud players flanking him on both sides. Hmmm, not sure if I should use the words stud players in a paragraph about South Carolina football.

#4 Florida

Now, we enter the bling section of the countdown as Florida shows off their hardware. Interesting that the current Heisman Trophy champion is nowhere to be seen here. If any SEC school wanted a legit coverboy it should be Florida and quarterback Tim Teblow. Anyway, hard to argue with the bling, but this is somewhat similar to what they did on last year's cover and that's why LSU gets the nod in front of them.

#3 LSU

Here is a pretty simple and classy cover, which is suprising for me coming from a program run by Les Miles. Anyway, the BCS champs have earned the right to, and are flaunting the Crystal footballs for all to see. If you look close enough though, ah hell you don't even have to look close, you'll notice there is no Golden Boot though, cause that baby is in Fayetteville!

#2 Alabama

Finally! What took a SEC school so long to finally do something unique? Preseason publications have been doing it for years, and Alabama did it this year when they came up with four different covers for their media guide. Beats the hell out of last year's Nick Saban walking cover. They have the cool two tone look to the covers as well. Kudos to the Bammers for finally doing something different.

#1 Arkansas

Who did you expect to finish #1 at The Hog Tale? With this year's SEC Coach of the year and the best center in the whole nation, make that the whole planet, no, make that the whole universe on the cover, I had to go with the Hogs. Granted, it's not as cool as last year's cover which featured two first round draft picks and four NFL draft picks overall, but it will surely do.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The SEC Media Guides Rankings

Part Uno (#12-#6)

As I did last year in one horribly long post, I ranked the media guide covers based upon my own 100% unbiased view of each cover. And, by popular demand (and when I say popular demand, I mean at least three people), I am back for more. But, this time, I am putting it an unbelievably exciting two-part post just to drag out the tension and excitement from the millions of Hog Tale readers who will be checking in here.

Without anymore delay...

#12 Vandy

Vandy is the worst at everything except academics and the occasional run in basketball. They're probably good at women's soccer too and maybe lacrosse. I don't really know for sure. I'm just making a generalized statement based solely on their football program. Anyway, this media guide cover is pathetic. Aren't the students at this fine institution supposed to be some of the brightest in the country? Last year, they had four players fully dressed standing together looking ferocious. More of the same this year I guess, and still no smiles from any of them. I want some smiles next year! Is that too much to ask? Where is the imagination and the creativity with this horrendous cover? Sorely lacking. If I was in this media guide, I would want to curl up in a ball and suck my black and gold Vandy thumb.

#11 Ole Miss

Seriously? They are going to put Houston Nutter on the cover after he has done absoulutely nothing at Ole Miss yet. I at least understand why Bama put Saban on the cover last year - because Saban got paid more money than God, and from what I hear he put the whole media guide together himself via telekinesis... in just over 2 1/2 minutes time. Well, Ole Miss is destined for the bottom of the heap in the SEC West this year - just where these media guides will belong at the end of the season - the bottom of a stinky, messy Ole Miss garbage heap.

#10 Kentucky

Kentucky never fails to disappoint when it comes to football media guide covers, and it's another resounding failure this season! It's like they don't even care, because they realize that basketball season is only a few months away. Last year's horrific "Believe in Blue" cover was awesomely awful. This year's guide - not much better.

#9 Mississippi State

Anytime you can put the Croomer on anything, it's a masterpiece in my opinion. I think they should put a closeup picture of his face that takes up the whole cover, personally. The only and biggest problem with this cover is that it's still Mississippi State, and who outside of a portion of Mississippi gets excited for this media guide?

#8 Georgia

This guide reminds me way too much of last year's guide which featured their kicker, Brandon Coutu, in the middle of the cover. It's just boring. Extremely, excrutiatingly boring. In fact, I'm so bored with it, that I refuse to even acknowledge this cover anymore. It's erased from my mind.

#7 Tennessee

Why do I have to see Philip Fulmer on the cover? Why I ask? What did I ever do to deserve such a cruel punishment of the eyes? At least there is a little bit of creativity with the black and white photos that surround big Phil. But still, couldn't they have put Tee Martin or Smokey the Dog or Tee Martin petting Smokey the dog on there instead?

Next week: Part Deaux - The Top 6 SEC Football Media Guide covers for 2008

(Try to contain your excitement. I'd post it sooner, but I'm on my way to visit family in Oklahoma and everyone knows there is no internet in Oklahoma and only the very wealthiest of wheat farmers own personal computers.)

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

More Predictions For The Upcoming SEC Season's Pat Forde has made a few predictions about the SEC conference for the upcoming season. I didn't like any of them, so I came up with nine of my own:

1. Tim Tebow is revealed to be a degenerate gambler with thousands in credit card gambling debt... Tebow is kicked out of school when it is revelaled that he bet against his own team on numerous occasions...

2. It is discovered that Georgia's Mark Richt is a part-time superhero wannabe when this picture was taken of Richt (left), his running backs coach, and the athletic trainer graduate assistant...

3. In an effort to beef up his team, Ole Miss Coach Houston Nutt recruits the best damn women football players he can find...

(I just can't get enough of this picture)

4. In a commitment of confidence in his offense, Les Miles refuses to punt on 4th down for a whole month, then tells the media he won't waste anymore scholarships on "stupid punters" ever again...

5. At some point during every quarter of every game this season, an Alabama fan will curse John Parker Wilson...

6. It will be revealed that Georgia quarterback Matt Stafford's girlfriend of two years is Miley Cyrus (and not Nick Jonas)... Stafford is dismissed from Georgia

(Stafford, you are sick!)

7. Smokey and Uga get into a vicious dog battle at mid field during halftime of the Vols-Dawgs game this year... Michael Vick happens to be watching on TV and ends up getting 6 more months on his jail term

8. Tommy Tuberville's ears become so big, that they sign a contract for their own talk show

(I believe I can fly...)

9. MTV's recent dismissal of Tila Tequila makes room for South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier to be the new star in the new MTV show: "A Shot at Love With Steve Spurrier"

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Take That, France!

We interupt this Arkansas Razorback blog to pile on in sticking it to the Frenchies... I was doing the same thing Michael Phelps was in this picture after the underdog Americans overtook the trash-talking Frenchies at the wall in the 4x100 freestyle relay. The greatest swimming relay event I've ever seen sure was a great way to end the weekend.

Hogs' "Pitbull" Won't Be Ballin' Here Next Season

Coach John Pelphrey once referred to Arkansas guard Patrick Beverley as a "pitbull." The 6'2 junior to be, who led last year's NCAA team in rebounding, will not be suiting up to play ball this fall.
Though no official announcement has been made as to why, numerous sources are saying it is academics, and the press release issued by the university coincidentally coincided with the last day of summer school.

No official word from Beverley yet as to what he will do next season though there is speculation that he may end up overseas playing professionally. Another option is to utilize his redshirt and remain at the U of A, but that appears to be unlikely at this time.

Good luck, PB, wherever you end up.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Time For Some SEC Prognosticating

We are a week into August, meaning we are less than a month to the kickoff of the college football season and it's time for a little SEC prognosticating (for you Kentucky and Tennessee people, prognosticating is a big word for making predictions).

Here is how The Hog Tale is breaking down the SEC Conference in general (a more detailed game by game Arkansas breakdown will be forthcoming):

The Media's SEC East Prediction looked like this:
1. Florida (45)
2. Georgia (23)
3. Tennessee (2)
4. South Carolina
5. Kentucky
6. Vanderbilt

I'll make this easy: I agree with the exception that I'm swapping Georgia and Florida and going with the Dawgs to take the SEC Least. Easy enough.

Now, onto more important divisions in college football...

The SEC West:

The Media's SEC West Prediction:
1. Auburn (48)
2. LSU (21)
3. Alabama
4. Mississippi State
5. Ole Miss (1)
6. Arkansas

What the!? The Hog Tale takes great exception to these rankings and is making its own, more accurate prediction as follows:

#6 Ole Miss - do I really need a good reason for this? They are going to suck, though Vandy and Kentucky would love to have a few of their defensive linemen from the photo below.

#5 Mississippi State - I love Croom. I just don't love his team.

#4 Alabama - Darth Saban has recruited young jedis very well in his short time at Bama and may be a national contender in the coming years... just don't see it this year as Bama fans wearing their fancy Bear Bryant hats become restless. Love that Jessica Parker Wilson!

#3 Auburn - they will choke under the heavy expectations of winning the SEC West; who else thinks they can win the SEC West with Ft. Smith product Kodi Burns at QB? (I'm looking around, and I don't see any hands. You know what they say about karma.)

#2 LSU - with a chance to win the SEC West and national championship aspirations, Miles' boys will go down in Little Rock this year crushing any national championship hopes the purple and gold had.

#1 Arkansas - Petrino will have Casey Dick throwing the ball a lot, and then throwing it some more. Expect a few 70-65 wins and a few more 84-58 wins by the Hogs as the defense may be a little suspect this season, but the offense will look like Texas Tech's on crack.

I might be the only person in the country predicting the Hogs to win the SEC West so just remember that come the end of November when they are sitting on top looking down at the rest of the big bad SEC West.

If for some reason, they don't win the SEC West, I'm sure it will be due to injuries, bad refs, cheating opponents, global warming, the war in Iraq, Tony Romo's girlfriend, or a combination of those things.

(Don't you dare jinx us this season, Jessica. Don't you dare. And, stay away from Casey Dick)

Woo to the pig sooie!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

We're Talkin' Bout Practice

Well, the first official day of fall practice is done, and Coach Petrino declared it a resounding success.

"The first day was awesome. The players were incredible. The coaches were outstanding, and even the water boys were all-SEC caliber. We are going to win the national championship this year," said the fired up first year Arkansas coach.

"We're ready," said Petrino, "It's very likely that I'll give the kids the rest of the month off up until August 29th, when we will get together for a walk through before we play Western on Saturday the 30th. We need to beat the heat and stay inside so we don't get over heated and/or injured, so I'm telling the guys to get in as much NCAA 2009 on XBox or Playstation as they possibly can in preparation for the upcoming season."

Elsewhere, here is a photo of Reggie Fish showing off the new Razorback uniforms. I like the tusks.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Some Links and Stuff

All 105 Razorbacks were on hand for the team's first meal together of the 2008-2009 season on Sunday night. Let's hope most of them keep it down as the first practice of the fall begins today in near triple digit heat. The freshman report at 3 pm today while the veterans come in at 4 pm.

Arkansas Sports 360 has a good piece on a player that I think will really surprise a lot of folks this season - quarterback Casey Dick.

Some good Olympics stuff about former Razorbacks over at including this short one on the world's fastest man, Tyson Gay.

The fellows over Razorback Expats defend the honor of Dwight Stewart, or as I like to call him - the black Larry Bird (just look at his form and elevation in the picture and tell me you don't think the same thing).

And finally, what would a post be without some current or former Razorback getting busted by the 5-0 for something. Well, recently dismissed Razorback linebacker Fast Freddie Fairchild tripped over a bush trying to avoid police and was found in possession of marijuana.

(Freddie, who was once prone to giving out hits, is now taking them instead)

Friday, August 1, 2008

It's August

August is here. Football practice is right around the corner, and the first Razorback massacre is only days away... I'm talking to you, Western Illinois!

I'm giddy with anticipation.

Sippin' on gin and juice...

From the "What the Hell?" category...
Les Miles and Snoop D - O - Double G!?... and if you want some actual video of Les attempting to rap or something, then check this out...