Friday, February 13, 2009

Pelphrey Proposes 3 vs. 3 Halfcourt Game Against Kentucky

In light of freshman Courtney Fortson's suspension and Marcus Monk's career as a Razorback basketball player over, the Razorbacks are down to only 8 scholarship players suiting up, but Coach Pelphrey and the University have come up with an idea they hope Kentucky will agree to tomorrow: a 3 vs. 3 halfcourt game.

"Hell, I'm having to suspend these knuckleheads every other week for something and it's leaving me with a young, under-prepared group of players every game," said Pelphrey, "One week it's Montrell McDonald being let go, then it's Brandon Moore and his DUI, then it's Marcus Monk, then it's Jason Henry's knee, now it's Courtney... again. I half expect Rotnei (Clarke) and Michael Sanchez to confess that they hijack cars on Dickson Street in their spare time."

When asked about the specifics surrounding Fortson's suspension, Coach Pelphrey didn't elaborate too much:

"It's because of his awesomeness. He is the most awesome freshman point guard in the country and so I think I need to suspend him, but I'm not here today to talk about my suspended point guard. I'm here to propose a change to the game Saturday. I would like a three on three halfcourt game with Billy G's team. It'll help us out with overall wear and tear, and because of our lack of depth will really be beneficial for us to do something like that. It will help Kentucky out because they only have three good players anyway - Meeks counts as 1 1/2 good players, Patterson counts as one and the rest of the team counts as a 1/2."

The Cats are 17-7 overall and 6-3 in the SEC. The specifics outlined and drawn up by Pelphrey and Athletic Director Jeff Long propose regular 20 minute halves, make-it-take-it, threes count for two and twos count for one, every player will get five fouls, call your own fouls, and will be shirts vs. skins.

Arkansas' proposed starting lineup:
Stefan Welsh
Jason Henry
Michael Washington

No word from the hicks in Kentucky as to whether this will be an acceptable format to get their asses beat in, or if they prefer to get beat by an under-manned Razorback team playing by the normal rules instead.


The Fake Gimel Martinez said...

The University of Kentucky Athletics department issued a counterproposal: A game of HORSE between Jason Henry and Jodie Meeks.

DoubleK said...

only if Jodie shoots left-handed... and blindfolded... while drunk...