Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tennessee Will Always Have To Wear That Horrible Orange. Boom Roasted!
That's right Razorback fans, the puke orange of Bruce Pearl's Tennessee Volunteer team takes on the Hogs Wednesday night in another must win for these Razorbacks if they hope to be playing anywhere besides their parents' driveways after the SEC tourney in March.
I surveyed 100 average Arkansas Razorback fans and asked the question: What's not to love about Tennessee? The reply I got back: Everything.
The stupid mascot. The city of Knoxville. Peyton Manning. That annoying, ear-bleeding song. The uniforms. Bruce Pearl's painted chest. Bruce Peal's horrific orange suit jacket. The thugs playing on the basketball team. The thugs playing on the football team. The thugs competing on the gymnastics team. Peyton Manning. The nausea of having to hear about Pat Summitt's impending 1,000th win for another few days. Lane Kiffin (not Lane Kiffin's wife).
Remember when we kicked Tennessee's ass last year in the SEC tourney? Steven Hill made his only basket that wasn't a dunk all year with that last second turn around jumper at the buzzer. That game was awesome especially when Pel started jawing at that thug Tyler Smith of Tennessee.
Well, Tyler Smith is coming, but if you don't want to go see a pair of 13 win teams play ball Wed. night, then by all means at least show up for the halftime show! It's "Quick Change" for God's sake!
These two have performed for Oprah and the Queen of England and on "America's Got Talent" and well, the list goes on. Next up for them after this appearance is the "Lamest Act of All-Time" reality show.
Really? Is this considered talent? Do you have to possess special skills to pull this off? I'd like to know, dammit, and has there ever been a Janet Jackson like wardrobe malfunction while performing this? If someone were to teach the poor people of Africa this "talent" we would never have to ship T-shirts of the losing Superbowl champions like the "Arizona Cardinals - Superbowl Champions 2009" shirts ever again!
The gayness of "Quick Change" (with a fall at the beginning of the routine) for any of you that have never seen it...
Back to the game. Tennessee has to be one of the top three biggest disappointments this season year to date. The Vols were a consensus top 10-15 team and picked by most to win the SEC at the beginning of the year, but now find themselves unranked at 13-7 and 4-2 in the SEC. A loss at the hands of the Razorbacks would only solidify their chokiness this season.
To finish up the scouting report on Tennessee, here is Michael Scott:
Tyler Smith, you went to Iowa first to play ball and you are only shooting 27% from three-point range. Iowa called and said they're glad you're gone. You suck. Boom roasted.
Wayne Chism, you lead the Vols in fouls. You're a fouler. You foul to excess. You're foulalicious. In other words, you cheat. And that headband looks stupid on you. Boom roasted.
J.P. Prince, you are 1 for 15 from the three-point line and your cousin is Tayshaun Prince of the Detroit Pistons. You two are the ugliest set of cousins in America. Boom roasted.
Bobby Maze, you look like the love child conceived by the two dudes from Real Chance at Love on VH-1. Boom roasted.
Renaldo Woolridge, your dad Orlando was an awesome player back in his day, but you are the worst shooter on the team (32% from the field, 29% from three pt., and 46% from the free throw line). Brick-layer, you are. Boom roasted.
Michael Hubert, Steven Pearl (coaches' son), Quinn Cannington, and Tanner Wild, you are all white and will never amount to anything in collegiate basketball. You will all continue to ride the pine. Boom roasted.
Posted by KK at 11:15 AM