Wednesday, September 26, 2007

This Is Garbage!

With Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy’s recent outburst at his post game press conference Saturday afternoon (video follows this post), I got to thinking that maybe he’s right in protecting his players and that the media should not go around ripping a kid “who’s doing all the right things.”

But, since I’m not the media, nor am I a Mike Gundy fan, I say, let’s all rip away! I came up with this totally original idea that I’ve never seen done on any other website by any other writer. Anything remotely resembling another writer’s weekly column on a large all sports website is purely coincidental. I’m going to call this:

The 40 Yard Bash

Forty names, games, teams, and minutiae making news in the SEC Conference (“Remedial Coaching” instructional video sold separately at LSU (1):

“Three quarters of this (blog) is fiction”

Are you calling me a liar, Gundy? Truthfully and accurately, about four/sevenths of this three quarters of this blog is purely fiction. The other 9/16ths of the one quarter of this blog is pure fact, buddy!

SEC Players of the Week were: Florida's Tim Teblows (2) on offense and Kentucky's Wesley Woodyard (3) (14 tackles and one forced fumble)

Maybe Tebow’s stats (427 yards of total offense including 166 yards rushing and threw two touchdowns) would be enough to impress Bashette Paris Hilton(4), who is a noted famous college quarterback lover, but The Bash is not impressed yet.

(Paris may be thinking Teblow is the east coast version of Matt Leinart)

The SEC has a national best six teams in this week’s associated press poll (LSU #2, Florida #4, Kentucky #14, Georgia #15, South Carolina #16, and Alabama #22)

At least nine SEC teams have been ranked this year. Those 10 votes that Arkansas got in this week's AP poll were made by some extremely smart voters who can see the future and know the Hogs are on their way to 10-2*. The Bash extends an invitation to any of those voters to write about the Hogs on this blog and give us their clear reasoning as to why and where they ranked Arkansas in their Top 25.

Hogs’ Coach Houston Nutt (5) has a career .500 winning percentage against SEC teams (38-38) and is behind only Nick Saban (6), Tommy Tuberville (7), Urban Meyer (8), Mark Richt (9), Les Miles (10), Steve Spurrier (11), and Philip Fulmer (12).

Nutt still dominates Rich Brooks (13) (.273), Ed Orgeron (14) (.167), Sylvester Croom (15) (.192) and Bobby Johnson (16) (.167) in winning percentage against SEC teams.
So, take that all you nay-sayers!

“Because (this blog) it’s garbage”

This week’s favorite picture making the Arkansas Razorback rounds:

(The Bash doesn’t get it. The Bash gets funny, but is this supposed to be a funny ha-ha joke, or are the coaches going to appear on the hit ABC Series, “Lost” (17)?)

Speaking of ABC TV, my wife will soon start making me watch “Grey’s Anatomy” (18) again which stars Bashette Katherine Heigl(19)

(Just don't end up with George this season... The Bash is begging!)

Anyway this show has a McDreamy (20), a McSteamy (21), and if it really wanted ratings, it should add a McHeisman to the cast!

(Still never better then in the movie "Can't Buy Me Love")

(Doesn't George Michael have a copyright on this look?)

(The best of all the Macs!)

Speaking of the Heisman Trophy winner, D-Mac (22) needs just 286 yards to pass Shaun Alexander (23) for 10th place all time in SEC rushing yards. McFadden, who has amassed 3,279 yards in 28 games, needs only 1,980 more yards to pass SEC career leader Herschel Walker (24). If he can do that in only four more games (only 495 yards per game), he will beat Herschel who needed only 33 games to get 5,259 yards.

Speaking of records, the best player in the world on the injured reserve list right now, wide receiver Marcus Monk (25), needs only 7 more touchdown receptions to tie Florida’s Chris Doering (26) for the all-time TD reception record in the SEC. Monk, currently tied at 11th with 24 career TD receptions would pass the likes of Reidel Anthony (27), Dwayne Bowe (28), and Ike Hilliard (29) along the way. Monk is out again this week with the hopes that he will return to action some against Tennessee-Chattanooga (30)

“You have a child someday, you’ll understand.”

What did The Bash tell you early in the year about Coach Steve Spurrier (31), and his South Carolina (32) children? Refresh (SEC East Preview blog):
“... Sure QB Blake Mitchell is back too, but Spurrier will have his head screwed up before halftime of the first game and it'll be all downhill from there..."

Well, looky, looky, Coach Spurrier says freshman Chris Smelley (33) will get the start this week at QB just one week after declaring that senior Blake Mitchell would be the one to take the Gamecocks as far as they would go this season. Chris Smelley? I’ll let all the other amateur hacks abuse his name after he stinks it up (D'oh! I thought I could get away from it without a horrible reference to his name) this week.
In a side note, South Carolina has lost starting linebacker Jasper Brinkley (34) for the rest of the season with a knee injury.

The Heisman Pundit (35) currently lists three SEC players in the top 5 in voting: McFadden, Tebow, and Kentucky's Andre Woodson (36)

Alabama is selling DVD's of the Arkansas game calling it an "instant classic." How the mighty Tide have fallen to be pushing this junk on fans.

Not Lame:
The Bash has "stolen" a new fantasy football helmet but not without giving the website some props and a way to link directly there:

(My fantasy team will now be inspired wearing helmets representing the greatest rock band of all-time, Van Halen(37))
I ain't talking bout love, I'm talking fantasy football, and I predict the Bash's team will be standing on top of the world come season's end.

“That’s all I have to say. (This blog) Makes Me Want to Puke”

Putting Out an A.P.B. for: Deuce McAllister’s healthy knee (38). The former Ole Miss Rebel was the 23rd player taken in the 2001 NFL draft by the New Orleans Saints. Deuce was just placed on the disabled list for the rest of the season with a torn ACL in his left knee. If anybody knows the whereabouts of his healthy left knee, please apprise the Bash so that the Bash can help those fantasy football owners who have McAllister on their teams and are in need of psychological care right now.

“Come After Me, I’m a man! I’m (almost to) 40!”

2 Point Conversion:

You want a good place to grab some meat lovers’ pizza while you’re visiting Fayetteville cheering for your favorite team (fill in the blank) who is about to get pounded by their opponent (fill in the blank)? Well, have a couple brews and try the “Cousin Vinny” (39) at Guido’s Pizza (40) in either Tontitown or Fayetteville for some serious meat eating and some potentially serious heartburn/diarrhea afterwards (but it’s all worth it!).

The Mike Gundy Tirade...

Up next: The Hogs – Mean Green Preview

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