I’m glad we’re back to game week, because it really sucks watching all of these inferior teams play on Saturday.
I called up some of these inferior coaches Saturday night (because I had nothing better to do and all of these coaches make their home phone numbers public knowledge), and here were a few responses:
Bob Stoops (his OU Sooners beat Miami 51-10):
“Early in the year like this, we prefer to win. Definitely Arkansas would be a tough tough game and they’ll line up and bust you in the mouth and we don’t want any of that this early in the season. We prefer to keep our guys healthy against cupcakes like North Texas, Miami, and Texas. I’ll probably vote Arkansas #1 in this week’s poll.”
Mack Brown (his Texas Longhorns had to rally to beat TCU 34-13):
“Well, having gone up against Houston Nutt on a few occasions the last few years, I personally hate it. Arkansas’ athletes are better than ours, and then when you combine that with a better coaching staff than we have steep uphill climb before we even get on the field.”
Pete Carroll (his USC Trojans took the week off as well as they get prepared for the thumping they will take at Nebraska on Saturday):
“The only advantage we have at USC is that Snoop Dogg and Will Farrell are both big fans of ours. Well, that and the 34 different High School National Players of the Year on our roster.”
Around the SEC:
Florida 59 Troy 31 – advantage Razorbacks defense as they only allowed 26 last week in their easy win over Troy and the touchdown at the end of that game really shouldn’t have counted as there should have been a running clock at the end of the game like the high school mercy rule in Arkansas.
South Carolina 16 Georgia 12 – wow, was this game boring to watch. There were seven field goals in this game with the Gamecocks scoring the game’s only touchdown. I had to force myself to watch this game and was actually in great pain watching this thing. I thought I was watching Big 10 football for most of the time and briefly considered watching the women’s tennis U.S. Open until I realized there were much more enjoyable games still on TV.
Kentucky 56 Kent St. 20 – the Wildcats outscored Kent St. 42-6 in the second half. We are Kentucky, hear us roar!
Alabama 24 Vandy 10 – I wish Arkansas would put numbers on their helmets like Alabama does because it’s so cool… just kiddin’.
Missouri 38 Ole Miss 25 – I wish the SEC didn’t have to count Ole Miss or Mississippi State in the league’s overall won-loss record. Some things in life just aren’t fair.
Mississippi State 38 Tulane 17 – on the other hand, if only MSU could play non-conference cupcakes all season... It only took the Bulldogs to the second game of the season to score - there goes that $20 bet I made that they would go scoreless all year. It was still worth it.
Tennessee 39 Southern Miss 19 - feel the wrath of Rocky Top! Southern Miss - you had no chance Saturday against Erik Ainge and that stingy Tennessee defense that only gave up 45 points last weekend.
The SEC Embarrassment of the Week:
South Florida 26 Auburn 23
Way to go, Auburn. South Florida? There should never be any scenario where a “directional” school beats a national power. Even though South Florida is a good team for the Big East and was only a 6 ½ point underdog, there should never be situations (especially at home) where you get beat by a South Florida, a Western Kentucky, or a North Texas. Just pitiful. If you are not good enough to beat a middle of the pack Big East team then you need to reconsider your membership in the SEC. War Eagle is no more after that loss.