Friday, October 12, 2007

The Arkansas - Auburn Preview



Arkansas (3-2, 0-2 SEC) vs. Auburn (4-2, 2-1 SEC)
6:45pm kickoff on ESPN





Tommy Tuberville and his Auburn Tigers are coming back to Hog Country for another pivotal SEC showdown Saturday evening, and everytime it happens, there are more and more whispers about the Arkansas native taking over whenever Nutt's coaching days are done at Arkansas. Well, let me just put those ridiculous thoughts and/or hopes to rest with this AP wire story I pulled off the googler on the internets recently:


Tuberville Hates Arkansas:
“I Would Never Leave Auburn for Arkyland”

by I.P. Freely (Associated Press)

I never played at the University of Arkansas. I don’t like the University of Arkansas. I played college football at Southern Arkansas University and not in Fayetteville - big difference. Go SAU Muleriders! I went to high school in Camden, Arkansas, and always just wanted to be a bank president in Camden – not some stupid football coach. But here I am, and the money is pretty good these days so I don’t complain too much. Let me just reiterate by stating that I hate Arkansas and would never leave Auburn to coach there. The Alabama people have set me straight and have helped me to see the light - Arkies are a bunch shoeless, overall-wearing, moonshine and meth growing hillbillies!


These were the words (possibly) of Tommy Tuberville during a recent interview when he was asked about the possibility of returning to his home state to coach the Arkansas Razorbacks if Houston Nutt is not retained after this season.
Indeed, the 2.2 million dollars that Auburn University pays Tuberville annually (third most in the SEC behind only Saban's 3.5 and Meyer's 3.25 million) makes him the eighth highest paid college football coach, and has him quite content and not in need of making any immediate changes.

Let me just say this. I like Houston Nutt and I consider him a friend. Am I a better coach than him? Undoubtedly. Do I recruit better than him? Absolutely. Is my wife hotter than his? Unquestionably. But my point is this - Arkansas has a fine football coach right now, so I don't even want to discuss hypotheticals at this time. I'm happy being the football coach at the state's second most popular institution.


When asked how long he has felt this way about his former home state, Tuberville referenced his favorite rapper, Kayne West, and replied,
“Since Prince was on Apollonia, since OJ had isotoners, don’t act like I never told ya!”

So, for now, it appears that Tommy Tuberville is quite happy and content in Tigerland as head coach of the Auburn Tigers.


(Tuberville may not want to coach the Razorbacks, but even Kanye, wearing his Razorback red, knows Arkansas is "Stronger")











A Look At Auburn

The Traitors:


Lee Ziemba
Freshman OL
Rogers, AR



So what if mom and dad are Auburn grads. He should be starting on the Hogs O-Line right now instead of Auburn's. Anyway, let's all sing along. Here are the words to my new song:









Ziemba dee doo-dah, Ziemba dee ay
My, oh my, are you gonna pay
Plenty of Hog linemen headed your way
Ziemba dee doo-dah, we're kickin' your 'A'


Ziemba dee doo-dah, Ziemba dee ay
D-Mac is coming
War Eagle is gay


Kodi Burns
Freshman QB
Fort Smith, AR



Tuna, tuna, tuna. Kodi, Kodi, Kodi. You, my poor decision-making friend, need to take some awesome lessons. You are not cool just because you are getting some run at QB for Auburn as a true freshman. Special? Hardly. You would only be starting at wide receiver if you were here because we have three quarterbacks that are better than you right now anyway. Have fun going 7-5 over the next 3 1/2 years.




The Hilarious:

The lamest American Idol ever, Alabama-native Taylor Hicks, performs at the Auburn - Mississippi State game. No wonder Auburn lost.




Taylor Hicks secretly wishes he were this man, Elliott Yamin





Woo Pig Sooie vs. War Eagle: The Prediction






(Nova VII and Tusk I will get it on Saturday... well, they won't actually get it on. I'm just using a metaphor, but that's a sick thought and you should be ashamed of yourself if that's what you thought I meant... sicko.)

Here's what is going to happen...
Casey Dick morphs into Tom Brady on the first play of the game and hits London Crawford for a 75 yard touchdown on a play-action pass. Dick goes on to throw for 400 yards on 20-25 passing while McFadden complements the passing game with his rushing and with actual compliments to Casey by saying “I like you Casey, we all like you,” “You sure are smart, Casey,” and “you’re the next Peyton Manning!” and also McFadden rushes for a modest 250 yards and two TDs on 3 carries. Felix Jones adds another 150 yards on 2 carries and the Razorback offense posts over 800 yards in total offense in this 56-7 win over Auburn on national TV. Lee Ziemba gives up eight sacks and Kodi Burns throws two interceptions in his only two passing attempts, and McFadden lands a hard stiff-arm to the head of Tommy Tuberville while heading out of bounds (picture in previous post) as the final exclamation point in this Razorback romp.

One last addition, here is a good article on ESPN about Weston Dacus.

Vick'em Hogs!

3 comments:

Double K said...

This post and whole blog is just plain stupid.

Double K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Double K said...

No, you're stupid. That's what's stupid.