Monday, October 22, 2007

Anti-Nutt Boosters Say "Screw It - We're Paying Players"

In an astonishing turn of events that has the NCAA taking notice, several big time Arkansas Razorback boosters, in an effort to get head coach Houston Nutt fired, have decided to openly violate NCAA rules as much as possible.

"Who cares at this point?" questioned one whom we will call Nutter Butter Be Gone. "We're 4-3 and going nowhere," said Butter, "I think we can get Nutt fired by paying players right now. I'm also issuing every player a prescription for steroids to be refilled as many times as needed. Sure we may end up on probation, but we think this is much better than being stuck with Nutt through 2012, because you know his contract runs through 2012 don't you? I'm not sure if everybody knows his contract runs through 2012."

(This could be Weston Dacus in 12 months if the anti-Nutt boosters have their way)

Anonymous Booster #2 whom we will call Sloppy Joe Hog Head had this to say:
"I'm mailing cash to the players that play well every week from here on out. Even the ones that don't play good are going to get some cash," said Sloppy, " I'm hiring limos and strippers and am going to provide all the players with enough alcohol to start their own bars if they want. We're going to fire uzies off of the dorm room balconies and have some of the guys selling drugs for extra income. Hopefully this will be enough for the University to force Coach Nutt out since his contract runs through 2012 and he couldn't possibly be gone before then."

(Replacing the football with the uzi at the University of Arkansas)

And Anonymous Booster #3 whom we will call Fat Bastard Money Hog added:
"Hell, I'm just going to give them money as they leave the locker room after practice and after games," stated Fat Money matter of factly, " I'm going to have my personal jet fly them anywhere they want on any given weekend. Then, I'm going to have them all on my yacht and give them as much weed as they need. This is the only way to force out Nutt at this point, because his contract is through 2012 in case you didn't know."

The NCAA has responded swiftly to these new allogations.
Scott Boras, head of the NCAA committee in charge of creating asinine rules, had this to say:
"I think what these boosters are trying to do is ridiculous because Coach Nutt has a contract good through 2012. Basically, these clowns are going to bring down the program and Arkansas will be the laughing stock of the SEC. Well, I guess what I meant to say is that they will remain the laughing stock of the SEC."

Fans of Arkansas State and UCA are just waiting for big brother in Fayetteville to self-destruct...

The events at the U of A the past year have the students and fans at Ark State and UCA saying "Excellent."

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