Monday, March 16, 2009

Hog Tale Madness First Round, Second Week Matchups

In not so surprising former Razorback news: Matt Jones has been released by the Jacksonville Jaguars. Here's hoping he ends up in Oakland with D-Mac. Now, onto the Hog Tale's Arkansas Celebrity Tourney Week 2...

We're into our second week of first round matchups. Here are the matchup capsules from the Ouachitas Region and the Timberlands Region. Yes, I know the regions don't make any sense other than the fact that they are geograpically correct. Just be sure to vote on the side, otherwise you are not fulfilling your Arkansan duties.


The Ouachitas Region (Hot Springs)

1 Darren McFadden, football player
16 Ralphie May, comedian









DMac is perhaps the greatest Razorback football player of all-time. Should have won at least one Heisman while becoming Arkansas' all-time leader in rushing yards and highlight-reel runs. Now an Oakland Raider, "Humanity Advanced" hopes to have a healthy second season and some decent linemen.

vs.

Ralphie May, a graduate of Clarksville High School, burst onto the scene as one of the top comics on NBC's show "Last Comic Standing". Large and in charge, Ralphie continues to entertain the masses.





8 Jim Bob Duggar family, former state legislator and current reality star
9 Scottie Pippen, former basketball player















Speaking of mass, the Duggar family is coming in mass and bringing the thunder with them to this tourney. The former state legislator has 18 children and a reality show, "17 Kids and Counting." This team has versatility and strength in numbers and might be the only challengenger who can legitimately stop Scottie Pippen in this 8-9 matchup.

vs.

Scottie Pippen was the Robin to Michael Jordan's Batman winning 6 NBA titles together. Considered one of the greatest 50 NBA players of all-time, Pippen played his college ball at Central Arkansas and may be slightly undervalued as a 9 seed.





5 Tom Pagnozzi, former baseball player
12 Aaron Peters, tv sports personality









Tom Pagnozzi, former Razorback baseball star and MLB player, lives and works in the Fayetteville area these days. "Pags" who was a NL All-Star and spent 11 seasons with the St. Louis Cardinals heads up Pagnozzi Charities, which helps give back to the disadvantaged children.

vs.

Aaron Peters doesn't have the clout of Tom Pagnozzi, nor does he qualify for aid under the Pagnozzi Charities guidelines, but what he lacks in pure power, he makes up for in wit and just looking good for the camera every night as he reports the sports on KNWA.




4 Todd Day, former basketball player
13 Dan Skoff, tv meterologist










Arkansas Razorback basketball's all-time leading scorer, Todd Day could light it up from downtown in his day. Day played nine seasons in the NBA for Milwaukee, Boston, Miami, Phoenix, and Minnesota never meeting a shot he didn't like.

vs.

Dan Skoff is our only weatherman in the field of 64 this year. The cutting edge meterologist has been predicting the weather with uncanny accuracy of at least 50% in NW Arkansas for the past 3 years. Skoff is the dark horse to take home the crown.




3 John Pelphrey, Razorback basketball coach
14 Collin Raye, country singer









Coach John Pelphrey led the Arkansas Razorbacks into the NCAA Tournament's 2nd round last season. His sophomore campaign began well with wins over Texas and OU, but has turned into a dismal SEC season. Pel's group is young, and hopes are still high for this energetic coach from Kentucky.

vs.

Collin Raye, born Floyd Collin Wray in De Queen, Arkansas is the fourth country music star in our tournament. His first album produced his first #1 hit, "Love, Me" and since then he has charted over 30 singles on the Country charts.





6 Barry Switzer, former coach
11 A.J. Burnett, NY Yankees pitcher










The "Bootlegger's Boy" born in Crossett, spent time on the Arkansas Razorback coaching staff under Frank Broyles before going on to fame and fortune as a national championship head coach at Oklahoma and a Super Bowl winning coach with the Dallas Cowboys. Troy Aikman is gay.

vs.

A.J. Burnett, born in North Little Rock, went to Central Arkansas Christian and was an 8th round pick of the New York Mets in 1995. He has a no-hitter to his name and just recently signed a 5 year 82.5 million dollar contract with the New York Yankees. No word as to whether or not he'll follow the Roger Clemens training regimine.





7 "Gauge", pornstar
10 "LaChelle Marie", pornstar











What's a full 64 team field without a battle of Arkansas porn stars with cool alias names?

"Gauge" born in 1980 in Hot Springs has over 150 "films" to her credit. None of which I've ever seen, but I've heard she does some great acting and can moan with the best of them.

vs.

Born Sherold Boyle, "LaChelle Marie" hails from Prairie Grove. The up and coming busty blonde has around 25 "films" to her credit, and has been nominated for an Oscar. Oh, wait, correction: she's been in a scene with someone named Oscar.





2 John Daly, golfer
15 Tommy Tuberville, former Auburn football coach










Everyone's favorite lovable, cigarette-smoking, drunk hillbilly golfer is just as notorious off the golf course as his talents are on it. A two-time major winner and a frequent Hooters visitor, Daly played golf for the University of Arkansas and kept his shirt on most of the time.

vs.

Tommy Tuberville, born and raised in Camden, was the long time head coach for the Auburn Tigers. A graduate of Southern Arkansas University, Tuberville beat in-state rival Alabama six straight seasons and should have taken the Arkansas job when he had the chance.



The Timberlands Region (Pine Bluff)

1 Bobby Petrino, Razorback football coach
16 Dick Trammel, local celebrity and fund raiser extraordinnaire









Even with a sub-par first season, Bobby Petrino has Razorback fans excited for the future. The season ended on a positive note as the Razorbacks retained possession of the Boot in the annual LSU game, and things are looking up with another outstanding recruiting class. If he can keep his players sober and out of jail, it should be a good year upcoming for Hog football.

vs.

Mr. "I'm Everywhere" in Northwest Arkansas is Dick Trammel. Open up the newspaper or any local magazine publication and Dick Trammel will be in there. I think he attends every single charity event in NW Arkansas even when he's required to be in two places at once. The man is unstoppable and you can't count him out as a huge underdog in this matchup.





8 Neile Jones, tv personality
9 Joan Early, tv personality












Born in Little Rock, Neile grew up in Tulsa and became a Sooner after attending the University of Oklahoma. She now can be seen most every week night at the KNWA news desk as well as at various charity functions including heading up "Team Neile" in the annual Race for the Cure. I'd put money on her if she was ever in a royal rumble with Matt Turner, Dan Skoff, and Aaron Peters.

vs.

Joan Early is a graduate of the University of Missouri. Joan has been a long time member of the KATV team in Little Rock as a "Family First" reporter and co-host of "Good Morning Arkansas." In a cat fight, don't count out the scrappy Early.





5 Lou Brock, former baseball player
12 Dave Van Horn, Razorback baseball coach









The long time St. Louis Cardinal was the original thief setting the all-time steals record in major league baseball before Ricky Henderson came along. Born in El Dorado, Brock was the first to ever swipe 50 bases and hit 20 homers in the same season.

vs.

Keeping with the baseball theme in this matchup is U of A's baseball skipper Dave Van Horn who took over for legendary Norm DeBriyn (a first round loser to Bill Clinton). A former Razorback baseball player, Van Horn has led the Razorbacks to the College World Series once and twice with teams as head coach at Nebraska. He'll also light up an ump or two this season.





4 Hilary Clinton, former 1st lady and current Secretary of State
13 Wally Hall, sportswriter









The former 1st lady and Democat presidential nominee is now Secretary of State under President Obama. She's hot. You know the rest.

vs.

Wally Hall is not hot, but he is the long-time sports writer with a column running in the Arkansas Democrat Gazzette during the week. Sometimes controversial (Hall also serves as sports editor), people seem to have a love/hate relationship with the man.





3 Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys owner
14 Frank Bonner, actor










Born in Little Rock, Jerry Jones is arguably the most powerful man in the NFL as owner of so-called "America's Team" the Dallas Cowboys. Jones was co-captain on the 1964 NCAA championship Razorback football team under Frank Broyles and is pro-plastic surgery.

vs.

Born in Little Rock in 1942, Frank Bonner rose to superstardom (ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but very slight) as the sales manager on everyone's favorite late 70's, early 80's tv series "WKRP in Cincinnati." The dude worked with Lonnie Anderson and "Johnny Fever" and "Venus Flytrap!" Bonner also went on to direct episodes of "Who's The Boss?" and "Head of the Class." Take that, Jerry Jones!





6 Felix Jones, football player
11 Dana Sargent, tv personality










The often underappreciated and lesser known backfield mate of Darren McFadden with the Arkansas Razorbacks, Felix Jones led the country in yards per carry his final season as a Razorback and now suits up for the Dallas Cowboys.

vs.

A born and bred Arkansan and Bentonville High School graduate, Dana Sargent is the main anchor on the local Fox 24 station. "Sarge" is much easier on the eyes, but has the monumental task of stiff-arming Felix Jones.





7 John Grisham, author
10 Brooks Robinson, former baseball player











I've heard of many women losing more sleep over John Grisham than their husbands. Grisham was born in Jonesboro and has produced best seller after best seller including "The Firm," "The Pelican Brief," and "The Rainmaker" to name just a few. However, "The Chamber" was a complete waste of my time as was "Skipping Christmas."

vs.

An Arkansas native, Major League baseball's AL MVP in 1964 won 16 gold gloves at the hot corner. Robinson played his entire 22 year career with the Baltimore Orioles and is a member of the Arkansas Sports Hall of Fame.





2 Nolan Richardson, former basketball coach
15 Al Green, R&B and Gospel singer










40 Minutes of Hell vs. The man trying to keep you out of Hell.
Nolan set the standard at the University of Arkansas for the basketball program. He took the bar that had already been elevated by Eddie Sutton and he raised it a notch with the 1994 national championship. Richardson is still the only coach to win a junior college national championship, a N.I.T. championship, and a NCAA collegiate championship.

vs.

The Reverend Al Green is the sixth of ten children born in Forrest City, Arkansas. Green's smooth voice brought you the classic hit from the early 70's "Let's Stay Together." A member of the rock and roll Hall of Fame, the 62 year old Green is predominently a gospel singer these days.

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