Monday, March 30, 2009

The Hog Tale's Sweet 16

Through two rounds of The Hog Tale's first Arkansas Celebrity Tournament, here are the 16 remaining. Vote to the side.

(1) Frank Broyles

The winningest head coach in Arkansas Razorback football history, Coach Frank Broyles took down Mike Huckabee in the 2nd round and led the Arkansas Razorbacks to their only national championship in football in 1964 - his two greatest sporting achievements thus far. Going on 85 years of age, the "Hog Father" is still active and can be seen and heard from at many Razorback functions to this day.


(4) Ronnie Brewer

Ronnie Brewer, the former Arkansas hoop star, is now a budding star for the NBA's Utah Jazz. Too bad they don't allow television in Utah, because I'd really like to see him play someday. Oh wait, that's the Amish community that doesn't allow that stuff. I have seen Ronnie play some this year, and he's playing better than ever.

Mark Martin (3)

This dude drives fast and can make left turns like nobody's business. The pride of Batesville, Arkansas, Mark Anthony Martin has been running down opponents on the NASCAR circuit since 1981. #5 currently resides in Florida, but owns a couple of car dealerships in the Natural state. Can he run by the former President?


Bill Clinton (2)

"Slick Willie" is the former President of the United States and current good will ambassador and supporter of his much more powerful wife Hilary. Famous for his adulterous affairs (and a few of his policies), Clinton was one of the most polarizing presidents in U.S. history.

(8) Billy Bob Thornton

Billy Bob Thornton pulled off the biggest upset of the tournament so far with his win over AL Cy Young winner and 1 seed Cliff Lee. Thornton is of course the once Mr. Angelina Jolie who has starred in numerous movies including "Sling Blade," "Friday Night Lights," and "Mr. Woodcock." Born in Hot Springs, "Bad Santa" has four biological children and one adopted son with Jolie. No word as to what happened to the vial containing a drop of Angelina's blood that used to hang around his neck.


(4) Sidney Moncrief

One of "The Triplets," Sidney Moncrief helped to lead Eddie Sutton and the Arkansas Razorbacks to the Final Four back in 1978. The Little Rock Hall High School stud was a five time all star with the Milwaukee Bucks and two time Defensive Player of the Year.

(3) Matt Jones

Despite being cut from the Jacksonville Jaguars, Jones continues to thrive in Hog Tale Madness by evidence of his domination of Tyson Gay in the second round. The Ft. Smith native was a star QB at the University of Arkansas and one of the fastest white boys I've ever seen on a collegiate football field. A cocaine possession arrest last summer has tarnished the once shiny image of the Jacksonville Jaguar's wide receiver.


(2) Jermain Taylor

The former undisputed middle weight champion of the world, Jermain "Bad Intentions" Taylor hails from Little Rock. Taylor, who is 27-2-1 in his career is a former Olympic bronze medalist and next faces Carl Froch in April.

(1) Darren McFadden

DMac is perhaps the greatest Razorback football player of all-time. Should have won at least one Heisman while becoming Arkansas' all-time leader in rushing yards and highlight-reel runs. Now an Oakland Raider, "Humanity Advanced" hopes to have a healthy second season and some decent linemen.


(4) Todd Day

Arkansas Razorback basketball's all-time leading scorer, Todd Day could light it up from downtown in his day. Day played nine seasons in the NBA for Milwaukee, Boston, Miami, Phoenix, and Minnesota never meeting a shot he didn't like. Will it be Arkansas' top baller or top gridiron great advancing?

(6) Barry Switzer

A 2nd round winner over John Pelphrey, The "Bootlegger's Boy" born in Crossett, spent time on the Arkansas Razorback coaching staff under Frank Broyles before going on to fame and fortune as a national championship head coach at Oklahoma and a Super Bowl winning coach with the Dallas Cowboys. Troy Aikman is gay.


(2) John Daly

Everyone's favorite lovable, cigarette-smoking, drunk hillbilly golfer took down the only remaining Arkansas porn star in "Gauge" in the 2nd round. A two-time major winner and a frequent Hooters visitor, Daly played golf for the University of Arkansas and kept his shirt on most of the time and will try to take down another rebel in Switzer in this Sweet 16 matchup.

(1) Bobby Petrino

Even with a sub-par first season, Bobby Petrino has Razorback fans excited for the future. The season ended on a positive note as the Razorbacks retained possession of the Boot in the annual LSU game, and things are looking up with another outstanding recruiting class. If he can keep his players sober and out of jail, it should be a good year upcoming for Hog football.


(4) Hilary Clinton

The former 1st lady and Democat presidential nominee is now Secretary of State under President Obama. She's hot. You know the rest.

(3) Jerry Jones

Thanks to a narrow victory over Felix Jones, the Little Rock native is arguably the most powerful man in the NFL as owner of so-called "America's Team" the Dallas Cowboys. Jones was co-captain on the 1964 NCAA championship Razorback football team under Frank Broyles and is pro-plastic surgery.


(2) Nolan Richardson

With 40 Minutes of Hell, Nolan set the standard at the University of Arkansas for the basketball program. He took the bar that had already been elevated by Eddie Sutton and he raised it a notch with the 1994 national championship. Richardson is still the only coach to win a junior college national championship, a N.I.T. championship, and a NCAA collegiate championship.


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