Thursday, January 24, 2008

We're Number 1! We're Number 1!

Take that you cheating-bastard Houston fans!

Arkansas just kicked your ass... again!

Right now, I realize that Houston fans (and probably many Arkansas fans) are trying to remember when was the last time Arkansas kicked Houston's ass in anything? To tell you the truth I can't really remember anything off hand (and I'm too lazy to do any extensive research right now), but feel free to add to my argument by emailing or leaving me a comment if you're a Hog fan and remember the last time we destroyed Houston is something... anything (sports, academics, literacy rate, meth labs, mobile home sales, etc., etc.). But, it's really beside the point anyway.

Over at the CBS Sportsline College Cheerleader of the Week playoffs, Arkansas' Laura Cole just crushed the competition beating some tramp from the University of Houston. I'm even going to go old school on you by saying that Laura went and straight Phi-Slamma-Jamma'd the hussy from Houston. If you remember Phi Slamma Jamma, then you are down with the Double K on your college hoops history.

Houston fans tried to cheat their way to this prestigious championship by scamming the online voting poll early last week only to be turned back when they were discovered by the Mensa-tech crew working at CBS Sportsline. The voting had to start over, and this time, Laura, as expected, cruised to victory 54%-46%. Laura was never really challenged throughout the contest winning most of her matchups by double digits.

(Where's Guy Lewis when you need him?)

I've been waiting for forever to just kick Houston's ass at something, and finally my wish has been granted. Number 1,026 (Kick The University of Houston's ass in something, or did I mean to write Kick Houston's ass in something? Not sure. Either will be fine now.) has just been crossed off of my personal bucket list thanks to the efforts of Laura's totally dominating cheerleading/pom performance throughout the season, and the thousands of votes from Hog fans like yourself, most of whom likely saw nothing more but the surface of a cute college hottie while your wife/girlfriend tried to decide whether you were just supporting the University or really thinking perverted thoughts while you were viewing each of the 16 finalists from around the country. Either way, yo, Adrian, we did it! I can't wait to see the trophy and take in the parade that I'm sure will be forthcoming. Anything less will be unacceptable.

(Rogers, Arkansas native Laura Cole totally dominated the field like a 1990s pom squad version of 40 minutes of hell. Nice job, Laura, and congratulations.)

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