(Look at me! I'm Gene "Witty" Wojciekowski! I can fold my arms with the best of comedians and check out my smirk! Don't even try to out-smirk me. I can out-smirk the smirkiest of smirkers.)
Gene's latest masterpiece tells the ficticious (or is it?) story of Coach Bobby Petrino and his last days on the recruiting trail leading up to the February 6th signing day for high school football players to commit.
Just check out this gem from Gene's article:
Petrino: "Before we start, can I just say one thing from the bottom of my heart? This is by far the best Chex Mix I've ever had in my life. My wife Becky will kill me if I leave here without the recipe."
Recruit's dad: "Recipe? You open the bag and pour it into a bowl."
"Hold on -- I'm writing this down. Into … a … bowl. Well, I can certainly see where your son gets his smarts."
Hahaha! Ooooh... hehehe... Chex Mix joke - LOL! Let me catch my breath... so I can type some more...
How bout this beauty from Gene:
Petrino: "Best recruit I've ever seen. He could be a legend in Little Rock."
Recruit's Dad: "You mean Fayetteville."
Petrino: "Fayetteville … Little Rock. I keep getting those two mixed up. Memo to me: buy map of state."
Aaaaahhhhh hhaahaaha LOL x 1,000,000! *stomach hurting... sides splitting* This dude is funny! 1,000 smiley faces :) to you good sir!
Hey, Gene, I always wanted to be on ESPN.com, so let me try it, let me try it...
Me: (knocking on Gene's door)
Gene: (pokes head out, sees me, and in his best Jack Nicholson says): "Go sell funny somewhere else, we're all stocked up here!" (slams door)
Dude, can I write for ESPN.com now? That's not good enough is it? Damn.
OK, wait, wait, Gene. How bout this one:
Me: "Gene, you're funny."
Gene: "You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"
Gene, that's good stuff right there! I don't care who ya are. Am I funny now?
OK, OK, OK, here Gene - this would be so funny if you wrote something like this in one of your columns:
Me: I understand you're pretty funny as an ESPN.com columnist, and well, comedy is kind of a hobby of mine. Well, actually it's a little more than just a hobby. Reader's Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.
Me: Yes, and perhaps some night we could maybe get together and swap humorous stories for fun.
Gene: Oh, why not? Maybe play a couple of Tennessee Ernie Ford records, that'd be a hoot.
That is a barrel of laughs right there, Gene. I'm telling you.
But, ultimately, you are probably right. I can't compete with your wit and sense of timing. You're too funny, and I pretty much didn't come up with any of that stuff above on my own. It's not original. I'm no good. I mean, I could never in a million years come up with something like this next piece (which by the way, made me spew my coke all over my monitor - you owe me a new monitor, Gene! LOL x 1,000 - just kiddin'! I could never be mad at you because you are a comedic genius, you keep me in stitches, and if ESPN doesn't give you a raise then they do not know what they have in you):
Petrino: "You work for Google or something? But you're right, I love the college game. That's why I'm sitting here in your house tonight. So, all together now: 'Moooooooooo, Wig! Pooie!"'
Recruit's dad: "I think it's, 'Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie!'"
Petrino: "Memo to me: learn pig call."
Dad: "It's calling the hogs."
Petrino: "My bad."
That's gold, Gene, gold!
If you missed the link at the beginning of the post, I'd be remiss if I didn't give it again right here.
Also, if interested, feel free to leave me a comment if you have any interest in joining The Gene Wojciekowski Fan club. Seriously, this guy deserves his own fans and his own club.