(Thomas Sanders - 21pts. & 10 rebs. is my new favorite college basketball player after he dominated the Kentucky Wildcats last night)
It's the least I feel I could do after the UK football team brought their cross-dressing quarterback into Hog Country and stuck it to the Razorbacks a little over a month ago.
Gardner-Webb, located in Boiling Springs, NC (I'm sure you knew that) has only been playing division one basketball since 2000. The Bulldogs, picked preseason to finish 8th in the Atlantic Sun Conference, are now heading to New York for the semi-finals instead of Kentucky. Sure, they are probably better than that, and Kentucky obviously has a long ways to go, but last night was a lot of fun for non-Kentucky fans across the country. I'd just like to say thank you to ESPN U and the boys at Gardner-Webb for making my evening.
Speaking of Kentucky, let's move on to more serious and pressing matters if you believe what you read in the Kentucky Hillbilly Herald...
From The Hillbilly Herald
Pelphrey A Plant?
A juniper? A yew? A fern? John Pelphrey may be more like Poison Ivy if you believe the no-name, big-money insiders at the University of Kentucky.
“The hiring of John Pelphrey was all our idea,” laughed one of Kentucky’s oldest and wealthiest boosters, whom we will just refer to as “Mr. Brain.”
“Our base is so strong and so stinking rich that we can influence who other schools hire like at Arkansas. You think Pelphrey really likes it in the Ozark hills over there?” Mr. Brain questioned, “Hell, no. We got him that job and now it’s time for him to single-handedly destroy that program."
According to Mr. Brain, "Operation: Pel To Take Arkansas to Probation Hell" is underway.
When asked why the University of Kentucky cared about what happened with the U of A basketball program, Mr. Brain just replied,
“Because we have nothing better to do then screw with other schools and their programs. Also, do you remember 1992 when #9 Arkansas beat #8 Kentucky 105-88? Well, you best believe Pel hasn't forgotten. He scored 22 that night and the Cats got waxed. He hasn't forgotten and this is his chance to exact some revenge upon the little piggies in Fayetteville.”
“Let me set you straight,” said Mr. Brain, “We ran off Tubby and hired the best basketball coach in America - a Mr. Billy Clyde Gillispie. We have the most tradition and best fan base in college basketball. Sure, Rich Brooks is doing a nice job with the football program at this time, but seriously, we could really care less, because this is basketball country. We know Tubby will screw up Minnesota within a few years so we don't have to worry about them being any good, so we thought we'd turn our attention to Arkansas. We have so much power, and money, and influence here that it’s not even fun to run off local coaches and administration, so we thought why not see if we can put some Kentucky blue blood in other places around the country and see if we can totally ruin other universities that way.”
(The Golden Gophers best be cautious)
According to Mr. Brain, Pelphrey’s job is to say and do all of the right things at the University of Arkansas initially and then when he has garnered the complete trust of the University and the Razorback nation, he will slowly unfold his plan to help Kentucky basketball to take over the world. The plan is simple. Pelphrey is to commit as many major NCAA violations as possible within a time frame to be determined very soon.
The last thing Mr. Brain said to me before disappearing in a cloud of smoke was this bit of advice:
"Just remember pig-lovers, once a blueblood, always a blueblood!"
Up next: The Arkansas - Tennessee Preview