Monday, November 5, 2007

You Cannot Be Serious!

So I'm listening to the radio today, and I learn that they have revised D-Mac's record setting night from a SEC best 323 yards down to a tie for SEC best at 321 yards. It seems he got credit for one of Felix's carries in the first half. I have to be honest. For myself, it takes just a little luster off of the shine because McFadden deserves to stand alone at #1. Instead, he will have to share the top spot with some dude from 150 years ago before facemasks and the forward pass, whom I am not even going to name in this post. OK, maybe it wasn't that long ago, but it still ticks me off just a little bit. But I won't be bitter too long about it if they fire the genius that screwed up the carries and yardage and put him in jail on trumped up drug possession and sodomy charges and never let him work another Arkansas football game as long as he/she lives. As long as that happens, I'm fine with everything.

Even as the debate rages on, Chuck Norris (who is neutral on the whole Houston Nutt thing) knows that even he has limitations.


It should be at least 323, but in honor of D-Mac's 321, let's take a look at some cool things associated with the number 321 and variations of it:

321 yards = 963 feet
3.21 alcohol in beer is better than 3.20
If you were to take 321 shots of beer, you will have drank the equivalent of just over 30 beers. It would take 3.21 hours to pump your stomach or you would be burried at least 32.1 inches below the surface.
It would take 321 volts to re-start my heart if I tried to sprint 321 yards all at once.
The average length of Tennessee's football team's manhood while on Viagra is 3.21 inches.

("I would have gladly shown Jamie Ann Naughright (former Tennessee assistant trainer) my 3.21 inches upon request.")

It would only take one of those Tennessee players 3.21 seconds to kick my ass for that less than flattering, but entirely true statistic.
On the other hand, an Arkansas player would be able to kick my ass in .321 of a second if I said anything derogatory like that.

It takes $3.21 to feed 321 children in Africa for 3.21 years

(Feed us Hog Tale readers! Sally Struthers says so!)

Before there was a "What's the 411?", there was a failed attempt to popularize "What's the 321?"
There will be at least 321 ass-chewings this week given by Steve Spurrier
It takes 321 licks to get to the center of tootsee roll lollie pop or one hard, tooth-shattering bite

(Cotton candy, sweetie go, let me see the Tootsee Roll!)

My farts, on average, last 3.21 seconds
My grade point average through high school was 3.21... in college after my crack addiction, it dropped to 0.321
Mathematics taught us that Pi = 3.14159. After McFadden's performance, the state of Arkansas is considering changing Pi to equal 3.21000.

(I want my three dollars and 21 cents!)

What? That's not the correct line? That's "Better Off Dead" with a little inflation thrown in.
Finally, the Tennessee defense will be overheard exclaiming "damn!" at least 321 times this week while watching video footage of Darren McHeisman.

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