Monday, November 26, 2007

Was It Over When the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hell no!
But it is over now.

Houston Nutt has officially resigned making him the second SEC coach on his way out in the last week (Ole Miss' Ed Orgeron was dismissed a few days ago). Here is the official story on hogwired. The search is now on for the Razorbacks' 30th head coach. Defensive coordinator Reggie Herring will undoubtedly coach the Hogs to a dominating victory in whatever bowl is lucky enough to have them.

The Hog Tale digs deep for some hidden truths that you will not hear anywhere else...

Little known fact #1:

Frank Broyles wanted to extend Houston's contract from 2012 to 2025 and increase his salary from $1.05 million per year to $5.05 million per year. New A.D., (beginning Jan. 1) Jeff Long, wanted to get rid of Houston at half-time of the Tennessee game. The two agreed to an arm-wrestling contest earlier today to determine the fate of Nutt. Houston agreed to resign if Broyles lost. In a see-saw battle witnessed by only a few, Jeff Long beat Broyles in a best of 11 contest 6 to 5 in controversial fashion. Long, rumored to be an avid steroid user among NCAA division I athletic directors refused a drug test immediately following the match saying that he peed in a cup for no one... except his urologist.

(Broyles far right takes down Long to even the score at 5-5. Long prevailed in the next match)

The match was refereed by the baddest man on the whole damn planet, Darren McFadden, who had this to say immediately following the close contest:

"Broyles is one bad mutha! The old man was laying the wood to Long, but he just ran out of gas just like old people do sometimes. Of course, I will never run out of gas even when I'm old like 30. I fully expect to be bustin' a 4.3 40 at the age of 85 though. It's Ar-kan-saw, baby! The numbers speak for themselves!"

Little known fact #2:

Houston Nutt is now rumored to be the next head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones is licking his Hog chops at the thought of firing Wade Phillips who hasn't done anything this year and bringing in Nutt to coach America's team.
A Hog Tale source close to the situation says that Houston Nutt has promised Jerry that he will recruit Darren McFadden to the Cowboys next season if he is head coach as well as Felix Jones and that the running back duo will dominate the NFL for the next 10 years. First act will be to make nice with Tavaris Jackson and get rid of Cowboy-killer, Tony Romo.

(First, Switzer. Now, Nutt)

Little known fact #3

There is a short-list of potential new head coaches for the University of Arkansas and according to one eye witness who typed them up for Frank Broyles, they are (in no particular order):

1. Bill Callahan

Frank's Notes: Used to coach in NFL, must know a lot. Defense this year was underrated, already has red and white wardrobe, a natural fit

2. Sylvester Croom

Frank's Notes: Went with new white basketball coach, really need black football coach now, love the name Sylvester because of favorite cartoon about Sylvester the Cat and Tweety Bird... I taught I taw a puddy Croom... I did, I did see a puddy Croom... lol to myself

3. John Wooden

Frank's Notes: Impressive resume, multiple national championships, love his books, is older and wiser than even me, must check to see if he is still alive

4. Joe Paterno

Frank's Notes: way too many overlooking this guy, has at least another 15 good years in him, still feisty as evidenced by his traffic accident earlier this season, must check to see if he is still alive also and if the University provides good enough health coverage.

5. Goldie Hawn

Frank's Notes: loved what she did with that Wildcats team, can recruit the inner city kids like Fayetteville and Tulsa and Bentonville kids, really cute, kind of want to get with her... could put that in her contract! lol to myself... I am smart.

Finally tonight, I leave you with Houston Nutt's last words from his press conference when a Hog Tale reporter told him how much he'd be missed here at Arkansas.

Nutt responded:

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