Thursday, November 15, 2007

"Juan Es Su Nombre"

(All teams shall kneel before San Juan Pelphrey before the weekend is through!)

Good morning, bobos (stupids).
Welcome to your worst internet class ever: "Double K teaches you espanol (spanish)."
Por que (Why) you ask?
I felt the need to educate and enlighten all those Hog fans out there because today the Hogs hoop team is in beautiful San Juan, Puerto Rico to begin play in the O'Reilly's ESPNU Puerto Rico Tip-Off at 4pm today against College of Charleston.
College of Charleston is being coached by Bobbito Creminito (Bobby Cremins).

(Nothing says hoops like O'Reilly Auto Parts!)

This session will be especially helpful for those Hog fans actually in San Juan to watch the baloncesto (basketball) tournament, because of the need to communicate properly while cheering on the Hogs to victoria (victory). Even if you are not in San Juan, you will be able to impress those around you with your fluency in Spanish and your overall knowledge of Puerto Rico as well as showing your love and support for San Juan Pelphrey.

Puerto Rico was originally named San Juan by Columbus. San Juan = St. John (coincidence that the Hogs are being led into battle by a one John Pelphrey? I think not).

(Puerto Rico also certifies that all of their women look exactly like this. Now, go get me dos cervezas, mujer! (two beers, woman!))

The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, as I prefer to call it, has a population of nearly four million people or "Puerto Ricans." To Puerto Rico, we in the U.S. are the diablo (devil) (wait, that may be middle eastern countries I'm thinking of). At the very best, we are nothing but a big maton (bully) to them, but they love it when we come visit and spend our American dolars (dollars) and butcher the spanish language as I am doing very well via this blog.

On the Puerto Rico Coat of Arms is a motto: "Juan Es Su Nombre" meaning John is his name. John indeed is his name, and winning all the time is his game.

Other useful words/phrases to know:

Pe a (rock) As in: Get Beverley the pe a, bebe (baby)!
Rebote (Rebound) As in: Rebote the ball Darrienito!
Defensa (Defense) As in: Defensa Razorbacks, defensa!
Bloque (Block) As in: Stevenito has veinte (twenty) bloques!
Chupar (Suck) You never know when a "hey ref, you chupar" chant is going to break out.
Dunk en la cabeza (Dunk on your head) As in: Sonninito Weems is going to dunk en la cabeza!
Estamos ganar (We win) As in: Estamos ganar! Estamos ganar!
And finally,
Voy a cortar frente a los jefes de sus cabras! (I will chop off the heads of your goats!)

(Memo to College of Charleston: Prepare to receive a mighty patada en las liston (kick in the groin) courtesy of the red, white, and woo!)

If I butchered any of the words/phrases or used anything out of context or incorrectly, I accept no responsibility whatsoever and blame everything on wikipedia (which is always known to be 100% accurate) and on the various translation websites that contributed to this blog.

Adios, perdedores (losers).

Up next: The Arkansas - Mississippi State Preview

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Started out great, then you ended up chupando chorizo