Friday, September 5, 2008

First All-Gay Divison One Football Team Faces Razorbacks: The Arkansas - UL-Monroe Preview

Arkansas (1-0) vs. UL-Monroe (0-1)
6pm Saturday at War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock
TV: available on Pay-per-view and on Sirius Satellite Radio's Gay and Lesbian Channel

Wow, this society has come a long way when one actually gets to witness the first all-gay football team in division one history. Sadly, I'm not making the trip to Little Rock this weekend, but thousands of fans will attend the momentous occasion at War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock when the all-gay UL-Monroe Warhawks take the field against the Arkansas Razorbacks.

This is a classic case of change being inevitable, even in the most sacred of sports - American football. UL-Monroe, in an effort to appeal to all walks of life and to garner some national attention to their football team has done just that by becoming the first division one all gay team.

(Not that there's anything wrong with that)

UL-Monroe QB Kinsmon Lancaster, who idolizes Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Homo, and prefers to go by his nickname "Buck Naked" is looking forward to the hostile, mostly anti-gay, crowd in Little Rock this weekend:

"We know we will be up against it this weekend like Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. Is that comment in poor taste? Whatever. We're loud and we're proud and we're going to slam and bam those Razorbacks. All week, we've been playing certain clips from the movie "Deliverance" - I think you know which ones - over our speaker system at practice to get us all jacked up and ready to play! I, for one, am overly excited and pumped up to roll around in the mud and slop with some Hogs!"

(Just to be clear and correct: Not ULM players and not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that)

Some famous UL-Monroers from days gone by...

(Stan Humphries - had a pretty good career in the NFL)

(Bubby Brister - at one time, the great hope of the Pittsburgh Steeler organization, but we all know how that ended up)

The final analysis:

I hope we don't get beat by a bunch of gays (not that there's anything wrong with that). Not because it would be embarrassing, but because we shouldn't lose to the Warhawks especially since Auburn punked them 34-0 last week (though the Auburn offense didn't score the first half). I realize that these vicious birds went in and beat Alabama last season, but it ain't happening this week at The Rock.

It's Petrino's debut at War Memorial this weekend where the UofA hasn't lost to a non-SEC opponent since 1993 (Memphis State). The Razorbacks are 7-0 all-time against ULM and 24-0 all-time against the SunBelt Conference. I think Michael Smith returning after a one game suspension makes a huge difference on the ground, and Casey Dick continues his assault through the air. The Hogs stay strong and beat up on gays. 97-3 is your conservative right-wing final score.

As is a new tradition here at The Hog Tale, feel free to leave your prediction in the Shout box on the right side of this site and you will be rewarded handsomely next week with praise and accolades should you be closest.


gerry dorsey said...

bubby was actually the qb at tulane until a ridiculous case of nepotism. otherwise he would have never ended up in monroe.

DoubleK said...

as a Steeler fan, I was firmly on the Bubby bandwagon when he was in Pittsburgh until I came to the realization that he was horrible... I won't lie - it hurt.

Hazeka said...

Well written article.

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