Thursday, April 30, 2009

Look Out Spain!

Long John Daly is -2 after the first round of the Spanish Open. Big John is also -60 pounds after lap band stomach surgery, whatever that is. The 43 year old former Razorback is playing a series of events overseas until his six month ban from the PGA expires. All I want to know is was it the surgery or the new hair dye that caused him to think those pants would look good on?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dick To Davie - Touchdown Jets!

(Jets fans react upon hearing the good news of Casey Dick and Andrew Davie reporting for a minicamp this weekend)

Expect to hear the Dick to Davie touchdown call often in the coming years in New York, because former Razorbacks Casey Dick and Andrew Davie are headed to the big apple to become superstars.

Both former Hogs will be headed to New York this weekend for a Jets minicamp where it is my best guess that both will test off the charts there, and the Jets will immediately start shopping Mark Sanchez to other NFL teams as trade potential to help acquire more important needs like receiver and more offensive line protection for Dick next season.

I can't wait to hear Jets fans calling the Hogs this fall.

Other non-drafted Razorbacks to sign free agent contracts include:

Tackle Jose Valdez with the Atlanta Falcons
Cornerback Jamar Love with the New England Patriots
QB Alex Mortensen with Tennessee (yes, I re-read that one about 12 times to make sure I was reading it right).

Monday, April 27, 2009

Best Damn Center Drafted By Cinci

It's official. The Cincinnati Bengals are trying to change their image. Why else would the NFL's thuggiest franchise draft Arkansas center Jonathan Luigs? Where else will you hear the word "thuggiest?" Not only is Luigs a damn good center, but the man is smart and stays out of trouble - two things most Cincinnati players are not.

Luigs went in the 4th round with the 106th pick overall to Cincinnati. Luigs joins SEC opponent Andre Smith who was selected out of Alabama with the Bengals first round selection and sixth pick overall.

Congrats, Jonathan and best of luck in Cinci.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Arkansas Bred and Hog Tale Champ

Humanity Advanced slashed and smashed his way to the Hog Tale's first annual Hog Tale Madness Championship with a win in the finals over Bill Clinton.

It's possible that if Clinton had some tats like McFadden that he would have stood a better chance in the finals.

Thanks to all who voted.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Hog Tale Madness Championship Week

It's been a long and hard (that's what she said) road for our two remaining Arkansans in The Hog Tale's first annual Hog Tale Madness. Be sure to get your vote in this week and good look to the former President and Humanity Advanced.

The last remaining #1 seed, DMac is perhaps the greatest Razorback football player of all-time. Should have won at least one Heisman while becoming Arkansas' all-time leader in rushing yards and highlight-reel runs. Now an Oakland Raider, "Humanity Advanced" hopes to have a healthy second season and some decent linemen.

McFadden's path to the championship:
Ralphie May (1st round)
Scottie Pippen (2nd round)
Todd Day (Sweet 16)
John Daly (Elite 8)
Nolan Richardson (Semi-finals)


"Slick Willie" is the former President of the United States and current good will ambassador and supporter of his much more powerful wife Hilary. Famous for his adulterous affairs (and a few of his policies), Clinton was one of the most polarizing presidents in U.S. history and helped call the Hogs all the way to a NCAA basketball championship under Nolan Richardson.

Bill Clinton's path to the championship:
Norm DeBryin (1st round)
Corliss Williamson (2nd round)
Mark Martin (Sweet 16)
Frank Broyles (Elite 8)
Jermain Taylor (Semi-finals)

Vote to the right. Voting ends Saturday at midnight.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Razorfest '09 Recap

Spring football is officially in the books for 2009 and amidst the rain and clouds, 30,000 fans took in the annual red-white game. The weather kept some of the fans away as attendance was down just a little bit, but all in all it was another outstanding Razorfest. As usual, there was plenty of games, food, and entertainment for all ages. Even the Hog Heaven store had everything 50% off, so I purchased Rick Schaeffer's University of Arkansas Football Vault which is really a cool book and lists at $49.95.

Felix Jones and Dick Butkus (and Dick's son Matt) were on hand to take pictures and sign autographs. Former Razorbacks Darren McFadden and Ken Hamlin were also in attendance at the game. Tyler Wilson actually outperformed Ryan Mallett statistically but Mallett took the majority of the snaps with the 1st team. Mallett threw for over 200 yards and two TDs while Wilson clipped the 300 yard mark with 2 TDs. The Red Team won 49-21 just as I knew they would. DeAnthony Curtis rushed for over a 100 yards, but 55 of them occurred on his first carry that resulted in a touchdown for the red team. You can check out the blog of the game at the Arkansas Razorbacks official website.

The end of the game marked the end of this field because Coach Petrino requested a new artificial field be installed, and that's going in this week. If you were at Razorfest, you could have purchased 9 inch by 9 inch squares for $10 each. I decided against such a purchase though it would have been really cool to purchase the whole endzone and put it in my back yard.

Holy Hog stuff! Free posters! Hooray! Made the whole trip worthwhile.

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Annual Spring Game Is Upon Us

Bobby Petrino's 2nd Annual Red-White spring game is just a little over 24 hours away. The game tomorrow at 6pm caps off the days' activities known as "Razorfest '09." I was out there last year, and plan to make my merry way around the various attractions again tomorrow.

Razorfest kicks off at noon and will go on all afternoon. There will be a lot of different companies represented there once again like Disney, Wal-Mart, Nickelodeon, Coca-Cola, Old Spice, Tyson, and as always proceeds will be benefitting worthy causes and charities like:
Champions for Kids,
The Elizabeth Richardson Foundation,
Life Source International,
Camp Barnabas,
St. Francis Community Clinic,
Camp Harvest,
the Arkansas Support Network,
and The Hog Tale (ok, so I just added the last one).

Dallas Cowboy Felix Jones and former All-pro Dick Butkus will be on hand to sign autographs, and the game will be broadcast on the radio and on tv. For a complete list of the everything, you can go here.
Hopefully we will get decent weather (and not all the rain forecast, damn you Dan Skoff!), so go out and enjoy this fine shin-dig.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


The annual Spring game is Saturday, and I will be enjoying the festivities known as Razorfest from noon until whenever. I'll try and post a link or something showing times for everything, guests on hand, etc. in the next day or two.

One of 10 to watch!?
One of the Heisman trophy finalists is what I think! And I'm sure that at some point very soon, Beano Cook will go a step further and predict two Heisman trophies for The Mallett before he leaves campus for a multi-million dollar payday in the NFL. What I'm referring to is the dude over at SI who's promoting Ryan Mallett as one of 10 players to watch next season in college football.

Give the man two! so sayeth Beano

The Hog baseball team, which was #1 in the Collegiate Baseball Newspaper entering last week dropped to #5 after sweeping Arizona State, but losing two to Vandy. The #5 ranking is still behind SEC opponents LSU (#1) and Georgia (#2).

You did hear about John Daly selling gear in the parking lot of The Masters this past weekend didn't you?

For an interesting read, check out The Slow Fade of Mitch Mustain. The title says it all. I hope I never have to read "The Slow Fade of The Hog Tale," though the last few weeks have been pretty pitiful by my own standards with the lack of posts. I'll try and do better... or maybe I won't.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Dammit, Vandy

Everything was all well and fine heading into a three game series this weekend against Vanderbilt for the Hog baseball team, but two losses and a rainout later the Hogs may have lost their stronghold on the #1 spot in the polls coming out tomorrow.

On a more fun note, Hog Tale Madness is down to its' Final Four, so vote in the column to the side to determine who will meet in the championship game. We're left with only one #1 seed in D-Mac, and three #2 seeds in Jermain Taylor, Bill Clinton, and Nolan Richardson.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Will The Real #1 Please Stand Up

In an unprecedented #1 vs. #1 two game series at Baum Stadium, The mighty Diamond Hogs (#1 in the Collegiate Baseball Newspaper) took down #1 Arizona State (#1 in some other polls) in a two game sweep Tuesday and last night out at Baum Stadium.

A new record of 11,014 showed up last night to see the Hogs rally from a 5 run deficit to take down ASU 8-7. Freshman Tim Carver had the game winning single in the fifth inning for Arkansas, which to moves to 24-6 on the year. The victory last night follows up the 7-3 victory the Hogs had against ASU on Tuesday night.

Seriously though, collegiate baseball polls must be the equivalent to all of the boxing championship belts out there. How many are there? I don't even know, but can we please go with one or two polls instead of the seemingly 27 different ones out there just to help avoid some confusion?

The #1 ranking is the first ever for an Arkansas baseball team. One thing is for sure, I think we settled the debate for now about who the better #1 team is.

The Hogs return to SEC play this weekend hosting Vandy beginning Friday night.

Monday, April 6, 2009

We Need Some Good Arkansas Local Television

There's no college football or basketball to be televised and very little Arkansas baseball to be shown, so I propose someone come up with some good local programming to kill the time until football season starts back up in August.

That someone doesn't even have to think very hard, because I'm here to provide the solution.

I dare you to tell me you wouldn't watch this...

Must be said in your most dramatic Jeff Probst voice - 16 Arkansas sportscasters, meteorologists, and news anchors, but only one Arkansas Survivor!

(Bring in crazy Survivor theme music)

Two tribes split with one representing Little Rock news media and one representing NW Arkansas news media being put to the test for 40 days in the Ozark National Forest with the goal of outwitting, outlasting, and outplaying..

Come on, you would watch if only to see if Matt Turner's golden, brawny face would gradually melt away or not. Tensions would run high with Dan Skoff and Ned Perme arguing how much rainfall they can expect in the coming days.

Somebody needs to make this show happen, because I can already see Bo Mattingly forming three different alliances while Neile Jones and Heather Crawford are forced to fend off coyotes and bears every night as Chuck Barrett sleeps soundly while snoring too loud, and becoming the over-bearing bossy leader that everyone secretly hates.

The anti-Jeff Probst, Rick Schaeffer would host.

Arkansas Survivors Ready! Go!

Ratings gold I tell ya!

Hog Tale Madness Elite 8

The Hog Tale's 1st Annual Hog Tale Madness is down to the elite eight this week. The favorites prevailed except for one "Cinderella" - Bad Santa himself, Billy Bob Thornton has made it this far as a #8 seed.

Vote to the side.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Things That Annoy Me - April Edition

Every month this year, I'm making it a point to pick out something totally ridiculous in the sporting world that annoys me that may or may not have anything to do with Razorback athletics.

Beginning in February I began my rant about those stupid, self-promoting press conferences held by high school recruits announcing what college they plan to attend. March brought forth my rant on the over use of the term "bubbles" and for the month of April, I'm going with these idiotic things...

They're called shooting sleeves, and many basketball players are sporting them these days. Even the best player in the world (arguably) wears one on occasion, but he looked like a damn ballerina when he sported the purple leggins in the photo below...

I don't know if anyone has started keeping stats on shooting percentages with and without the sleeves, but I just want someone to yank these sleeves off of OU's Tony Crocker even though he supposedly wears the long sleeves for medical purposes...

But, I digress, we're not talking about long sleeves that look stupid underneath a uniform, we are talking about the shooting sleeve.

Obviously, this is just a passing fad like wearing low-cut socks, or black socks, or short shorts or long shorts. But, hey, if the statistics start backing up wearing these things, I might just break out a head band and end up working in the office like this guy...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Diamond Hogs Are Killing It

Your Arkansas Razorback baseball team is killing it this season, and that comes as a welcome relief from the disaster that was the second semester of basketball and the sub .500 football season.

The Diamond Hogs are 20-5, 8-1 in the SEC, and ranked in the top 15 in the nation in most polls. It's been a well balanced attack of solid pitching and timely hitting. Five Hogs are hitting over .300 on the season with the duo of Ben Tschepikow (.374 ave., 7 hrs., 27 RBI's, and 8 stolen bases) and Andy Wilkins (.374 9 hrs., 27 RBI's)

The Razorbacks are preparing for a three game sweep of South Carolina tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. The Gamecocks are 19-8 overall and 4-5 in the SEC. As the weather gets warmer, get out to Baum Stadium and cheer the Hogs on to a SEC title.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Look Out Mexicans! Kentucky Hires Calipari

Well, it's official. The SEC has a Mexican-hating coach amongst its ranks now. Is that over the top? Ah, well, what do I care, it's just Kentucky.

Until today, we had a nice, clean cut, conservative, racially tolerant group of outstanding basketball coaches in the SEC. Thankfully, we still have John Pelphrey at Arkansas, but now, we add John Vincent Calipari to the mix.

The bluegrass state is officially welcoming Italian Johnny C. today as their new head basketball coach, but I, for one, will always think of him as the failed New Jersey Nets basketball coach from 1996-1999, and will remember him most for his tirade against Mexicans all over the world (my interpretation) when he called out Newark Star-Ledger sports reporter Dan Garcia by calling him a "[bleeping] Mexican idiot" for apparently giving Calipari a "D" grade at the time as coach of the Nets. Calipari also said he would would punch Garcia in the face when Garcia said the coach was acting like a five year old.

Look out all of you of Mexican heritage located in and around the SEC college towns, because you never know when UK's new coach is going to call you an idiot and punch you in the face!

This especially stings close to home, because after Nolan Richardson left the U of A, he spent some of his gracious time to coach the "[bleeping] Mexican idiot" national team. I know that he would not be pleased with Coach Calipari's comment or his hire.

Coach C made a half-hearted apology to Dan Garcia back then, but the damage has been done and his legacy established. With a large Mexican population in northwest Arkansas, I asked a few knowledgeable Mexican basketball fans to give me their perspective on the hiring of Calipari.

(Last names withheld for anonymity purposes)

Juan: "Who the hell is John Calipari? Whoever he is, he made a mistake, amigo. A grave mistake."

Jose: "Dan Garcia is my brother, man. I will cut Calipari and watch him bleed like a dog if he ever shows his face in Fayetteville."

Skippy John Jones: "My eyes are too beeg for my head. My head is too beeg for my body. I am not a siamese cat, I am a chihuahua!"

I think all us Hog fans can let out a collective sigh since that is as good as UK could do in getting a coach. I, for one, feel better knowing that Kentucky has taken another step toward consistent mediocrity with the hiring of a second tier coach like Calipari. Thirty-five million for this bum (with my apologies to bums everywhere)? What has Calipari done? Let's take a look at the highlights:

1988–89 UMass 10-18 8th place A10 conference
1989–90 UMass 17-14 6th place A10, NIT 1st Round
1990–91 UMass 20-13 T-3rd A10, NIT 4th Place

NJ Nets 1996–97 - 26–56
NJ Nets 1997–98 - 43-39
NJ Nets 1998–99 - 3–17

NBA Overall: 72–112 (Kentucky pays good money for NBA talent to come to that school, and look what Calipari did coaching NBA talent)

2000–01 Memphis 21-15 NIT Third Place
2004–05 Memphis 22-16 NIT Semifinals

I could care less that his teams have made eleven NCAA tournament appearances, including reaching the Sweet Sixteen seven times, the Elite Eight five times, the Final Four two times, and the championship game once (last year with Memphis). He still hasn't won a national championship has he (N.I.T. ones don't count)? No.

Until he deals with the anti-Mexican feelings he obviously still has, I think UK is in for some highly illegal recruiting violations and some very average basketball over the next few years. First Adolph Rupp and now John Calipari. Are decendents of Che Guevara going to be on staff as well?