Thursday, July 17, 2008

This Day in Revisionist Razorback History

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Former Razorback Matt Jones rescued 7 children, 1 elderly grandmother, and a litter of brand new baby kittens from a burning house in downtown Fayetteville. Shortly after midnight, Jones, who had just completed his annual fundraiser for alzheimer research, risked his life to save the 7 children, 1 grandmother, and kittens, who were all left trapped in an upstairs bedroom together while the parents of the children bar-hopped on Dickson street. Both of the parents, whose names are currently being withheld, are University of Tennessee alums and were found passed-out face down on the steps of the Walton Arts Center.

Fayetteville Fire Marshall Bill, first on the scene at the fire, said that Jones was hardly even burned despite going into the burning house on at least eight different occasions, and that he ended up with nothing but a few scorches on his "Just Say No To Drugs" shirt.

"Let me show you something! It was Matt's 4.4 speed that allowed him to outrun the heat! Sometimes fast people can outrun fire! It's a fact!"

Reports out of Jacksonville this summer where Jones is a wide receiver with the Jaguars have been positive as the club has maintained for months now that Jones has become the hardest working member of the team and will enter the NFL season as Jacksonville's top receiving threat and even as the backup quarterback to David Garrard.

Jones, who privately helps fund the single mother's scholarship and who just finished a mission to spread the word of Christianity in the middle east will be honored with various parades and banquets in both Fayetteville and Jacksonville over the coming weeks.

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