"These are the 25 individuals that will help Arkansas dominate the SEC for the next four years. In the words of John "Bluto" Blutarsky - The SEC can kiss my ass from now on. The Razorbacks are not gonna take this losing anymore. Miles, he's a dead man! Saban, dead! Tuberville, dead!"
- Coach Bobby Petrino
I’m really tired of the whole star rankings thing. I mean, this may work well if you’re a general, but I'm blaming the recruiting services for all this four star/five star elephant dung. We just don’t need it. The recruiting gurus here at the Hog Tale have tirelessly surfed other recruiting forums for alternative ratings. Without further ado, here is Bobby Petrino’s "First Annual Best Recruiting Class of All Time" commitments (if you've been brainwashed by the rivals.com's of the world and still prefer the old stars rankings, I've included those rankings as well):
Joe Adams, DB, Little Rock (4 stars) - a last minute commitment has a "12 dollar bling" rating by Street Hustler Recruiting
Lavunce Askew DT, Camden, AR (3 stars) - as one of four Camden Fairview signees, Askew will be called upon to come in and bring some meat to the Defensive line like Bill brought to the White House - a six Billary rating from the Clinton Campaign Recruiting Services
Khiry Battle DB, Dacula, GA (3 stars) - a secondary gem who was rated as a 5 Disturbingly Funny Baby Faces recruit by Toddlers Magazine
Greg Childs WR, Warren, AR (3 stars) - Childs likes the deep ball and likes his privacy and that's why the recruiting experts at Leave Britney Alone.com have given him a four Britney shaved heads rating
Brian Christopher DE, Camden, AR (2 stars) - the McCain Camp Recruiting News thinks Christopher can turn into a solid Razorback and have the DE as a 5 1/2 Johnny Stud
De’Anthony Curtis RB, Camden, AR (4 stars) - arguably the best running back in the class, Anthony received an impressive 11 Platinum Grillz ranking by The Urban Dental Society Recruiting gurus.
Alfred Davis DT, College Park, GA (2 stars) - this Georgia signee could have signed with Hawaii and been a stud, but opted for the Razorbacks where he'll help shore up the defensive line - a Four Hang Loose man according to various Tropical Recruiting publications
Austin Eoff OL, Fort Smith, AR (2 stars) - in a continuous effort to promote his new movie, Will Farrell gives Eoff a rating of 9 Sexy Jackie Moons
Albert Gary RB, Citra, FL (2 stars) - as the only Floridan to sign with the Hogs, Gary is considered a Can't Miss recruit by recruiting expert/rapper, Flo Rida
Elton Ford LB, Lithonia, GA (2 stars) - this linebacker will be blowing up the holes on that Razorback defense for the next four years - a five tuber as rated by KY.
Chris Gragg WR, Warren, AR (2 stars) - Gragg will be looked at to help solidify the receiving core and is considered an 8 Barack O'Urkel player by the Obama Recruiting News
Matt Hall OL, Russellville, AR (4 stars) - this dude is 6'10, 320 lbs. - a 17 bagger as rated by Big & Tall Recruiting Services
Dennis Johnson RB, Texarkana, AR (3 stars) - this back from Texarkana hits the holes in a flash and is a 6 Rim Recruit according to The Rims Recruiting Report
Basmine Jones ATH, Warren, AR (2 stars) - the Sweet Mustache Society Recruting gurus give this athlete from Warren 4 Geraldo Mustaches
Jerico Nelson ATH, Destrehan, LA (4 stars) - Jerico can do it all, and as a stud athlete is used to putting moves on defenders (and also on the ladies) that leaves their jocks on the field - an 11 jock man according to Where's Your Jock Recruiting
Anthony Oden OL, Indianapolis, IN (2 stars) - this big O lineman likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain... he's a 7 Pina Colada stud according to the Jimmy Buffett Recruiting Guide
Chris Raggett DB, Beaumont, TX (2 stars) - though Raggett is not highly ranked by Rivals, we did see that he is a solid 4 1/2 Hello Kitty keyrings player in the Preteen Recruting Dream Magazine
Jelani Smith LB, Abbeville, LA (3 stars) - Cardplayer Magazine says that Jelani is a legit 4 aces recruit and that rivals.com is full of crap with only three stars
Zach Stadther DT, North Little Rock, AR (3 stars) - in an effort to remain hip and relevent in today's society, Barry Mannilow has started his own recruiting service and gives Stadther 8 bobbleheads
Tramain Thomas ATH, Winnie, TX (3 stars) - this athlete from Texas garnered a solid 4-Tat Hug-Life rating in Tats Fo Ats Recruiting Forum
Cruz Williams WR, Little Rock, AR (3 stars) - this guy's motor will get up and go and that's made him a 12 quart stud as rated by Pennzoil's Recruting Service
Tyler Wilson QB, Greenwood, AR (4 stars) - one of the premier QBs in the nation, this kid is ranked as a 14 McLovins' Prospect in the SuperBad Prospectus
Jarius Wright WR, Warren, AR (4 stars) - his 4.4 speed should play out well next season for the Hogs - ranked as a Truckload of Green Pumas standout receiver by Puma Shoes Recruiting.
Tenarius Wright LB, Memphis, TN (3 stars) - this studly linebacker from Memphis is listed as an 8 Keg & 4 Shots of Tequila prospect at the Drinking Heavily Recruting website
Jim Youngblood QB, Camden, AR (3 stars) - not as widely a heralded QB as Wilson, but still a solid 6 1/2 Dead Knomes as reported by The Knomes Recruiting Services
There you have it! Throw in Michigan QB transfer Ryan Mallett, who may be eligible next season, and you have yourself the best recruiting class of all time! Don't pay any attention to rivals.com and their 8th or 9th place ranking of Arkansas among SEC teams. Their rating system is all bogus. Can't wait to get these studs on the field.