Monday, February 25, 2008

It's Official: Mcfadden Is Faster Than You

(D-Mac showing off his agility at the combine in Indy all the while avoiding those dangerous orange cones... stay away from the cones! he hates these cones!)

"Humanity Advanced" blew out a 4.33 - 40 yard dash at the NFL combine in Indy on Sunday... against the wind. With no shoes on. Running backwards. While blindfolded. With a cigarette in one hand, and a bottle of Old English in the other...

"Insane!" yelled one scout.

"No, wait. It's actually insanity advanced!" yelled another scout

"I'm not sure God Almighty could out run that young man," yet another scout concluded.

Everyone seemed impressed, except for the Miami Dolphins' scouts. The Dolphins hold the number one overall pick but are more interested in blowing millions of dollars on someone not named Darren McFadden.

"Running backs have a shorter shelf-life," the Dolphins' head scout explained, "They're always getting hurt and are basically no good after about age 30, you see. We would rather make our investment in a mediocre offensive lineman or defensive tackle or an over-rated quarterback who can play until they are 35. Why gamble on the next coming of Jim Brown when we can get a more sure player who will help us be a .500 team every year. Besides, I think Ricky Williams still has a few good years left in his pot-smoking tank."

Felix Jones was one of a few other backs who clocked in at a turtle speed of only 4.4. Don't be surprised if Felix had a torn ACL or something along those lines, and actually had to drag that leg when he ran.

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