Thursday, August 30, 2007

Arkansas - Troy Preview

“The only Trojans I’m scared of are the ones that break…” – multiple anonymous future All-American Razorback football players

Those are the only Trojans that these mighty mighty Razorbacks should be scared of come 6pm Saturday night. Well, be scared of those Trojans and the ones that are computer program viruses that pose as legitimate programs on your computer but are secretly infecting and eventually destroying your computer instead (in fact this blog could be nothing more than an infectuous virus eating away at the inside of your computer right now...). Anyway, my predictions here this year won’t be too much of a surprise because you can see little capsules of every prediction in the right hand column beginning with week one. I may update them some as the situation arises. For instance, with the losses of Marcus Harrison, Marcus Monk, and Ben Cleveland for the first game, I am downgrading my score prediction from 74-0 to a 71-0 Hog-washing.

A Look at the Troy University Trojans:
Last season, Troy went 8-5 (you knew that, right?), won the Sun Belt conference (if you consider that a real conference), went to a bowl (if you consider the New Orleans Bowl an actual Bowl game) and destroyed Rice 41-17 (if you consider Rice an actual opponent and not just a yummy side dish). How impressive is that I ask? To answer my own question, I’d have to say about as impressive as winning the N.I.T. in college basketball, making the playoffs in the NBA, or someone being able to name 5 players currently in the NHL.

Ranking the nations' best Trojans:
3. Troy University Ribbed Trojans - these Trojans are built for any real opponents' pleasure. It will be the U of A's pleasure ripping Troy a new one on Saturday night
2. UALR (University of Arkansas - Little Rock Ultra Thin Trojans) - they don't even play football, but I still rank these Trojans #2 and ironically they are also in the Sun Belt Conference - ULAR is not as thick and tough as older brother in Fayetteville but still strong enough to hold their own in other sports
1. University of Southern Cal Magnum Trojans - USC being the best Trojan team in the country is due largely to the Hog-osmosis that occurred when former Hogs Williams and Mustain joined the football team in So Cal.

These Troy Trojans return nine defensive players and six offensive players including Sun Belt Conference player of the year, quarterback Omar Haugabook (seriously, I didn’t make up that name). I’m going to call him "O-Haug" because that name just fits here on this blog. "O-Haug" is a latex like QB in that he’ll stretch the defense with his division III play-making ability without breaking during the big moments under pressure. But, of course we’re talking Sun Belt Conference football. Sun Belt? Seriously? Isn't it time for a name change? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it the "Damn Hot and Muggy Gigantic Mosquito Conference?" How do you expect your league to get better if you’re going to play in a conference named the Sun Belt? Anyway, "O-Haug" has a chance to give the Arkansas defense some problems Saturday night but only if the entire Hog defense shows up un-prepared, over-confident and high on blue ecstasy pills. I don’t see that happening and as a result I think "O-Haug" and the first team offense will be lucky to muster 50 yards total offense Saturday.

Opponent Player Spotlight:

Troy QB Omar "O-Haug" Haugabook:

Biggest Athletic Thrill: Scoring 3 touchdowns in the Troy University annual spring game this year against the second string defense
Favorite Musical Artist: Elliott Yamin

(I will wait for you, Omar)

Favorite Movie: The Goonies
Favorite Athlete: Michael Vick, Marcus Vick, and Dale Earnhardt Sr.(3-way tie)
Favorite Book: Macroeconomics Textbook by Ben Bernanke
Arkansas Game Prediction: "I will destroy the Arkansas Pigs single handedly. I don't like Pigs of any kind and sausage, bacon and pork chops all upset my stomach. These Pigs are the same - they upset my stomach and I look forward to dominating them come Saturday evening. Hey Darren Mcfadden - you suck!"

As an extra bonus side note for today's blog, here is a fun game that you can play with friends and family anytime anywhere:
I call it "My Favorite Omars." See how many famous Omars you can take turns naming. Here are my personal three favorites to give you a head start:

3. Omar Epps

Awesome, awesome job in Major League II replacing Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes. Now plays a doctor on "House, M.D."

2. Omar Gooding

He's Cuba Gooding Jr.'s brother and who can forget his memorable roles in ESPN's original series "Playmakers" as well as his oscar worthy performance in the movie "Baby Boy" with Ving Rhames and Snoop Dogg... I'm predicting more big things to come from this Omar.

And my most favorite Omar ever...
1. Omar Knedlik

The inventor of the 7-11 Icee. What kind of world would we be living in if the Icee had never been invented (ponder on that for a moment)? God bless Omar Knedlik.

Back to Troy stuff:
It was fan appreciation day last Sunday at Troy – 37 people showed up (6 of the people were non-family). Head coach Larry Blakeney, a graduate of Auburn (boo!) in his 17th year as head coach of the Trojans, cited his wife’s family reunion out of state as a main cause of the down attendance this year from an all time high of 48 at last year’s fan appreciation day.

"We're ready for Arkansas," stated Coach Blakeney, "In order to get our offense prepared for the Arkansas defense that we will be seeing this Saturday evening, I had our offense going up against 22 defensive players during practice. That was the only way we would accurately reflect the speed and pressure we will be under all night. We basically just want to get ready to defend our Sun Belt Conference title against our tough conference opponents like San Cruz State and Filimore Univesity and Def Leppard Tech. We just hope we can move the ball past the 50 yard line Saturday against Arkansas. We're all about moral victories on Saturday night."

So, grab yourself a cold beverage, paint a giant Razorback on your horribly out of shape chest, grab any artery clogging food item, and get ready for some Razorback football!


Justin said...

Ooo Ooo...I got one...Omar Bradley! 5 Star General and 3 year West Point letterman!

Justin said...

GOT ANOTHER! Academy award nominated actor and world class bridge juggernaut...Omar Sharif!! Man I am good at this game!!