Bye Week Boredom

Slow in The Hog Tale this week. I should have the season basketball preview for you on Friday corresponding with the Hogs' first game of the season, but otherwise, it is a pretty boring week as the football team gets ready to take on Bye Week followed by The Croomer and Mississippi State next week.

Here are a few links to entertain and waste your time:

My favorite Razorback thread of the week comes from Woopig.net, and doesn't even have to do with Arkansas. It's about Texas.

Like I mentioned before, the basketball season is just days away and the Razorback Expats hop into a time machine to revisit past glory.

And a little SEC/Arkansas basketball previewing going on over at the Razorbloggers Network. Why I wasn't invited to pick games I'll never know.

Kickers Gone Wild

This is what happens when kickers and booze get together.



Charges

PUBLIC INTOXICATION
MINOR IN POSS ALCOHOL

Former Razorback place kicker Shay Haddock was arrested early Sunday morning on public intox and minor in possession just about five days after quitting the team. Haddock took over the kicking duties earlier in the year when Alex Tejada struggled. Instead of getting drunk and quitting, Tejada battled back and eventually won back his job.

So, Haddock, obviously frustrated at being a back-up kicker once again, quit and went out and got himself hammered. Atta boy.

Without being too judgemental, there could be a myriad of reasons behind Haddock's retirement from U of A kicking chores. For instance, maybe Haddock was pissed at the holder, because holders can drive you nuts. Just ask these two kickers...



(Aaugh! I am going to jam a knife in your eye!)



(Laces Out!)









(Maybe he missed his chance and never got his Martin Grammatica moment?)



(Or maybe, he's more of a Vanderjagt fan?)










(Maybe he was demoted behind Tejada AND our new second string kicker who recently transferred from Texas State)

Whatever it may have been, all I know is that the kiddies out there should take note - nothing good ever happens when you quit your team.

Chalk One Up for the Ol' Smelly Ball Coach

Not much to say about this one. Other than all of the obvious cheating done by South Carolina and the horrible officiating, the Hogs turned the ball over too much and now get the week off to prepare for Sylvester Croom and company down in Starkhell.

Hopefully the week off will give Michael Smith's shoulder and Casey Dick's head time to heal. The Razorbacks will have to win at Mississippi State and in Little Rock against LSU to finish Petrino's inaugural season at .500.





(Andrew Davie slams Casey Dick into the turf after another interception. Dick left with a concussion and little brother Nathan took over for the rest of the game.)

Offensive Genius vs. Offensive Genius: The Arkansas - South Carolina Preview

Arkansas 4-5 (1-4) vs. South Carolina 6-3 (3-3)
Kickoff: Noon CST
TV: ESPN Gameplan
Line: South Carolina favored by 12


Before there was Bobby Petrino, offensive mastermind, there was Steve Spurrier, offensive mastermind. The ol' ball coach brought his geniusness to the ACC and rejuvenated a historically bad Duke program, even winning an ACC Title in 1989. Spurrier then went on to win a national championship at Florida University before taking over the helm of the Washington Redskins briefly. He then bolted the NFL back to SEC country when he took over the Gamecocks in 2005. Spurrier helped to pave the way for acts like Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino (of course, Granny Lou Holtz did it many years before it became vogue).

These two offensive masterminds will play X's and O's Saturday afternoon in what may be a Deep Blue vs. Gary Kasparov type chess game. The Razorbacks will also be up against the best defense in the SEC statistically. It'll be a tough match up, and even further hindering the Razorback chances will be this totally useless stat that I calculated all by myself:

Razorback Football Record in the next game after a Presidential Election since 1900: 11-12-2
Razorback Football Record in the next game following the election of a Democrat: 5-6-1

So, as you can see, the odds are enormously stacked against us as we head to Columbia for a showdown with the Cocks.


Speaking of Presidential elections, our 44th President of the United States was kind enough to respond to a quick question from the Hog Tale:



The Hog Tale: I realize there are some issues with the economy and Iraq and such, but most of Arkansas and South Carolina only care about one thing since John McCain got all the electoral votes in both of our states: What's your prediction for this weekend's game?


President Obama:

"Listen. I don't like Arkansas, because Arkansas does not like me. 59 percent of you Bible-thumping morons voted for my opponent. Expect me to implement a state by state tax increase based upon which states did not vote for me and by how much.
Look. I don't like South Carolina either, though it wasn't as bad because only 54% of you backwards hillbillies voted for my opponent there. I will reserve the right to turn Hilton Head into a naval port in the near future.
As far as my prediction for this pathetic excuse of collegiate athletic event, I predict that Bobby Petrino and Steve Spurrier will be paying more taxes next year due to their excessive contracts with their respective universities. Only because my beloved Hilary Clinton once resided in the Governor's mansion in Little Rock, I am picking the Arkansas Razorbacks to win 21-20. So sayeth your new Commander in Chief."

The Final Analysis:

Last year's shredding of the South Carolina defense was so much fun to watch. Darren McFadden and Felix Jones each sliced through the Gamecock defense for about four miles each in rushing as the Razorbacks won their final home game of the season.

This year, we might not run for four miles on this South Carolina defense, which ranks #1 in overall defense in the SEC. But, can the Hogs win? Yes we can! The Hogs' offense, with great confidence, rolls to a 49-13 win.

You Can't Win!

Ron Aiken has spoken. I, for one, am giving up. Columnist Ron Aiken somewhere over in the lesser Carolina is convinced of a dominating, come to the whipping post you little piglets victory over Arkansas on Saturday. After his compelling argument (you have to read it first obviously), I think it best if Petrino and the boys just save the state and university the embarassment, and remain at home in the comfy confines of the majestic ozark mountains. Just email the loss in. No one will think any lesser of you (probably).

Ah, but I jest! That's just silly and one thing my readers know is that this blog is anything but silly! You, Mr. Ron Aiken, lover of Clay, shall get the mighty Razorbacks in your raucous Lesser Carolina SEC atmosphere on Saturday afternoon! And, yes, that mighty, nationally ranked Gamecock defense will have its' chance at payback from last year's horribly, disfiguring humiliation in Fayetteville.

And, though, I will acknowledge that it is possible that this Gamecock defense might be better than last year's, this is why we play the game. That, and the hundreds of Petrino versus Spurrier angles we'll get.


















(The witty, obligatory and never-before-thought-of Clay Aiken reference that I just made in today's retaliating post of Ron Aiken was at no extra cost to you good readers)


Even if their is some measure of revenge on Saturday, and the Cocks somehow come away with a hard fought win (due to horrendous officiating and/or cheating), it can and will never erase the 520+ yards the '07 Gamecock defense gave up. It's like trying to drink away a past lover or moving to another city after being fired from a job for watching porn on the internet at work. It's only a temporary band-aid on the pain and suffering of the past. Until your running game actually shreds an Arkansas defense for 500+ yards, nothing you can do on Saturday will even come close to erasing that ultimate humiliation that will live on in Razorback lore, and will continue to be brought up every year when the Cocks and Hogs get together on the gridiron until you and I and the 70,000 plus in attendance at last year's game are long gone from this planet.

Best of luck to you Gamecockers come Saturday, and may the memory of '07 live on forever.


Tomorrow: The Arkansas - South Carolina Preview

Bringin' Tha Thunder!

Since Steven Hill's picture still adorns The Hog Tale logo above with that majestic turn around jumper to take down Tennessee in last year's SEC Tourney, I had to mention on here that Hill has signed on with the NBA's OKC Thunder. Hill will be in uniform and on the bench tonight when the Thunder take on the defending NBA champion Boston Celtics.

The article quotes OKC coach PJ Carlisimo as saying that their 15th man (which is what Hill is right now) may be there for "two months or two days" depending upon the team's needs at that time. Here's hoping big Steven gets a little run while he's there, and swats a few shots off the heads of some unsuspecting OKC fans in the first few rows.


This also reminds me that Razorback basketball is underway and I am due for a 2008-09 preview of the new look Hogs. I'll try to get around to that within the next few days and have something up on here before the first official game of the season on November 14th against SE Lousiana. I know you can barely contain your excitement.

Getting Ready for South Carolina

Next to the 3-OT win at LSU last season, the final home game in Fayetteville against South Carolina was my favorite. D-Mac and Felix Jones just shredded the Gamecock defense. And when I say "shredded", I mean totally obliterated the USC run defense which looked like a high school defense instead of a SEC defense. Even the interview at halftime with the Ol' ball coach below is funny when he gets asked how they are going to stop D-Mac and Felix. Uh, well, uh, try not to get blocked... enjoy 10 minutes of fun and let's hope we get some more big plays this weekend.