Thursday, June 26, 2008

D-Mac Petitions NFL To Wear Infinity Symbol

"I want to be the first player in NFL history to wear a symbol instead of a number. It's pretty obvious - I plan to run for infinity on NFL defenses."

- Darren McFadden

"I ain't gonna play. That's what's going to happen," stated McFadden when asked what he would do if his petition to wear the infinity sign on the back of his jersey was turned down. "I'm serious, I ain't playing football in America if I'm gonna get treated like a second class citizen! I'll go play in the damn Europe NFL or the Arena Football League, or do they still have the XFL anymore?"

Former Razorback All-American, first round draft pick, rookie sensation, future Hall of Famer, future all-time rushing leader, future all-time touchdowns record holder, future Hollywood action star, future ruler of all creation, Oakland Raider Darren McFadden is a little perturbed.

The greatest thing to come along since sliced wheat bread, McFadden was upset when he found out that the NFL restricted running backs to wear a number between 20 and 49, so he has petitioned the NFL to let him wear the infinity symbol on the back of his jersey instead.

"I wasn't too upset by not getting to wear my number five," said McFadden, "But I'm not going to lie. I'll be pissed if they don't let me wear the symbol instead. These dumb ass linebackers in the NFL are going to think it's an eight anyway as they're lying on the ground looking at my backside after I run past them."

When it was mentioned that for a brief time, the musician Prince went by the following symbol, McFadden had this to say:

"That was cool when Prince was just a symbol. I might change my name to an infinity symbol if the NFL don't let me wear it as my number. If I change it to my name legally, they will have to put it on the back of my jersey then, right?"

McFaddy then proceeded to sing his own version of "Purple Rain"...
"D-Dawg pain. D-Dawg pain.
I only want to see you linemen suffer D-Dawg pain"

For the time being, the future musical superstar known currently as Humanity Advanced is going with the number 20 as you can read on his blog, but don't count out the symbol just yet. Here's hoping NFL commissioner Roger Goodell makes a wise choice and grants McFadden's request. It's not like he's requesting this...

(Someday this freak of nature may simply be known as the NFL Hall of Famer formerly known as Darren McFadden)

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