Thursday, May 29, 2008

You're Going Down, Pepperdine

Tomorrow (Friday) at 3pm, the Pepperdine Waves (39-16) will be going down at the hands of the SEC's 9th place team - the Arkansas Razorbacks. The two teams haven't played since their meeting in the first round of the College World Series in 1979 (which the Hogs won 5-4).

Apparently Pepperdine's best hitter (Eric Thames?) has an injured leg (likely excuse) and may not play at all in the Stanford regional.

My 100% or your money back Guaranteed Prediction:
Arkansas Razorbacks 9
Pepperdine Gay Waves 5

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Our Female Tennis Player is Better Than Your Female Tennis Player

How about this for some minor sports coverage...

Lady Razorback tennis phenom Aurelija Miseviciute, ranked #1 in the last collegiate tennis rankings, fell in the NCAA singles semi-finals Sunday after an impressive run that included 52 singles wins this season - the most in Razorback tennis history.

Don't even try to pretend that your female tennis player is better than ours, because she's not. Ours lost in the semis only because she was drugged or doped or something that prevented her from playing her best. Perhaps, as some sort of self-motivation, she decided to watch the movie "Wimbledon" the night before her semi-final match and the movie made her puke because it was so disgustingly bad. Whatever the reason, she didn't deserve her fate.

Miseviciute dropped a 7-6, 6-4 match to 25th ranked Zuzana Zemenova of Baylor - an upset of epic proportions if you ask me. 25th? Fault! I say. This was a once in a lifetime win by Zemenova that would never happen again as far as I'm concerned. Curse you, Zemenova! And curse the rest of your Baylor tennis team as well! (for those of you interested, Zemenova lost in the championship to some chick from Georgia Tech who wasn't nearly as good as Miseviciute either).

Miseviciute was rightfully named unanimously to the All Southeastern Conference First-Team to go along with SEC Scholar-Athlete of the Year. So, in case that didn't make any sense to you, that means she's also a brain. So our female tennis player is not only better than yours, but she is also smarter than yours.

Aurelija helped lead the University of Arkansas to its first ever SEC Western Division title and Elite Eight appearance in the NCAA Team Championships.

For this tennis season, I say game - set - match.

But for next season, I say beware of the Lituanian Love and don't be surprised if she goes undefeated.

There will be no kissing of the singles title this season, but just wait until next year!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh Me of Little Faith

Well, a good Memorial Day to ya, and a good Memorial Day indeed to the Razorback baseball team who ended up in the NCAA tournament today and will face Pepperdine in a first round game later this week. The Hogs ended up in the Cal St. Fullerton regional where Cal St. is the #5 seed overall. I initially had a bad feeling that the Hogs would be left out, but the strength of the SEC is too hard to ignore and so the 9th place SEC team will be heading out west to Stanford University, the host site to the Razorbacks, Pepperdine, UC Davis, and of course Stanford.

Here's the bracket.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Sit and Wait

I'd like to be able to tell you all right here that the Razorback baseball team is going to the NCAA Tourney. I'd like to tell you that a ninth place finish in the brutal SEC is still good enough for the Diamond Hogs to take a trip somewhere and keep on playing.

But... I just have this bad feeling that the Hogs are on a sinking ship with no life boats. That their chances of making it in are more in line with Hillary's chances of being the Democratic presidential nominee than Obama's (do you smell what Barack is cookin'?).

We won't know for certain until Monday when the field is announced, but at this point I don't think 34 wins and a losing SEC record is going to get them in.

Here's hoping I'm wrong... for the first time ever.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Last Razorback Standing

Well, the man with no conscience, aka Jannero Pargo was the last remaining Razorback in the NBA playoffs until the Hornets couldn't get the job done in game 7 at home against the Spurs. Pargo went 6-16 in game 7 including 13 shots in the fourth quarter for 18 points.

Joe Johnson went out in the first round for the Hawks, and Utah's Ronnie Brewer went down in 6 to the Lakers.

The Spurs remind me of Ivan Lendl. Yes, I'm going old school tennis on you right here. If you remember Ivan Lendl during his playing days in the 80s and early 1990s, he was the most dominant, machine-like, frustrating player to watch. He was never spectacular or a fan favorite, but he always beat your favorite player just like the Spurs do these days. The Spurs are the champs. They keep winning titles without any kind of flare. They are steady and boring and just keep beating your team every year. Now they get the Western Conference top-seeded Lakers for the Western Conference championship. Don't count them out by any means.

Congrats, Jannero on a lengthy and outstanding season even though you probably jacked it a little too much down the stretch last night.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dear Razorback Fans: Montrell McDonald is Smart

It was with nothing more than a passing glance this weekend that I noticed that 6'6" Cowley County (Kansas) Junior College forward Montrell McDonald changed his oral commitment from Texas Tech University and signed a letter of intent to play for John Pelphrey and the University of Arkansas.

After thinking about it a little more, I realized that Montrell is of above average intelligence and deserves to be applauded right here in The Hog Tale. Why? Well, you know his mamma or pops or whomever helped him make a decision on where to play basketball set him down and showed him this...

... and then asked him "Do you know where in the hell this place is?"

After careful consideration, I'm convinced Montrell shook his head and said that he was pretty sure that wherever this Lubbock place was that he was pretty sure he didn't want to be there. This decision was followed up by numerous high fives among the family and a party into the wee hours of the morning. I think it's very possible that Montrell was just a little confused and thought he was headed for Austin or Dallas or someplace cool before being shown this map.

So, this cerebralness has me now believing that Montrell is not only a future SEC all conference member but also an academic all american as well.

Razorback fans, you should be proud of Montrell for the smartest decision he's ever made.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

No Love For Finishing Ninth

Ninth places finishes don't get any love do they? What's up with that? I don't know about you, but I was pumped after Tres Borrachos (pictured left) finished ninth in The Preakness on Saturday. That's my boy... errr, horse! Tres Borrachos translated means "Three Drunks". What's not to love about that horse? Well, the fact that he got blitzed by Big Brown and most of the rest of the field is probably what's not to love about him. But, the fact that he was in Maryland running is something to be proud of.

Unfortunately, the Hog baseball team also finished ninth in the SEC, and won't be invited to Hoover, Alabama for this weekend's SEC tourney.

My actual paying job kind of ruined any real posting time for last week, but the biggest Razorback storyline heading into Thursday was whether or not the Diamond Hogs could win a couple or three and find a way to get into the SEC Tournament while in Starkville, MS this weekend.

The Hogs lost the first two games 6-5 (the second when they gave up four runs in the ninth to lose 6-5... arrgh), and bounced back with a 15-10 win on Saturday in what was legendary MSU Bulldog coach Ron Polk's final game at the helm (take that, Polk!). Polk got himself a car given to him as a retirement gift (somebody check the NCAA rule book about that), so it wasn't a total loss for him on Saturday.

(Three drunks just didn't have it on Saturday, much like the Razorback baseball team this past weekend in Starkville.)

Alas, though, it was not to be as the Hogs finished in Tres Borrachos place in the SEC by half a game with a 33-22 record and 14-15 in the SEC (a game at Vandy was washed out earlier in the year and never re-scheduled).

But, c'mon. Basketball has figured a way to run a SEC tourney with 12 teams, why not baseball? Why can't teams 5-8 host teams 9-12 in a best of three game series Monday through Wednesday, and then the winning four teams go onto Hoover, Alabama to participate in "Part II" of the SEC tournament with the final eight say on Friday through Tuesday. It's just a thought, but it's probably "too much" or "makes too much sense." Sure, it's probably too much for teams five through 12, but the top four should get some sort of slight advantage just like the basketball tournament. What do they get now? To wear their home jearsey in the first round? You say teams nine through 12 don't deserve to be in the SEC Tourney? Tell the Georgia Bulldog basketball team that. Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox for now.

Ironically, in what will probably be the Diamond Hogs final game of the season (their odds of making the NCAA tournament look slim at best), the Hogs take on the Western Illinois Leathernecks at Baum Stadium in their final home game Monday evening at 6:35pm. The Razorback football team opens the season in 104 days in Fayetteville against WIU.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Dallas, Arkansas

10 Strikeouts in 8 innings for Arkansas' Dallas Keuchel gave the Razorbacks a crucial three-game sweep of Ole Miss this weekend in Fayetteville. The lefty pitched a gem on senior day and the Razorbacks (31-21, 13-13 SEC) are now in eighth place in the SEC as they battle for a spot in the SEC Tournament.

It was the first SEC series sweep of the season for the Razorbacks.

The weekend got off to an unbelievable start when Jacob House came into pinch hit with two outs and the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth Friday night, and the Hogs down three runs. He promptly launched a 1-0 pitch over the right field fence for a dramatic walk-off grandslam that gave the Hogs the opening game victory 12-11. They followed that up on Saturday with a 6-3 win before yesterday's 4-2 series ending sweep.

The Hogs' last regular season home game is a makeup game this afternoon at 2:05 against Mississippi Valley State. The Hogs then travel to Starkville for a three game set against the Mississippi State Bulldogs to end the regular season.

Friday, May 9, 2008

News And Notes

Coach Bobby Petrino's post spring practice press conference just took place and you can find a good rundown right here...

Here is the Razorbacks post-spring practice depth chart which should remain this way until practice begins in a few months...

D-Mac's first entry at Yardbarker as a Raider

And it's do or die this weekend as the Razorback baseball team sits 1/2 game out of eighth place in the SEC as they try to make the SEC Tournament...

Monday, May 5, 2008

The National Communists Against Athletes Strikes Again!

The NCAA denied Razorback QB Ryan Mallett's appeal for immediate eligibility ending months of speculation as to whether Mallett would be eligible or not for the 2008 season after transferring from an inferior institution up north where the only thing cool besides the weather are the football helmets. The Hog Tale intercepted this email supposedly from Mr. Mallett after word of his appeal being denied was released...

(I just can't get enough of this picture... back when college football was a clean game played by upstanding individuals... Long live The Boz!)

Dear NCAA Spineless Baby Doo-Doo Heads,

That's right. You heard me. You are all doo-doo heads. The Mallett is keeping his language clean because The Mallett don't want to be considered a foul mouth in front of The Mallett's thousands of adoring fans.

That's right. I just referred to myself in third person as The Mallett. You Humpty Humps got a problem with that? I didn't think so.

Here's a little story about doo-doo, because that's what you all are - doo-doo's. I have a new puppy in my house that pees and poops all over everything, and I had been rubbing her nose in it and scolding her so she would learn. Now, I'm just imagining that she is pissing and crapping on you and your stupid organization. So, now, I celebrate with her and reward her with a treat instead. She might be confused, and my apartment might smell like puppy urine and feces, but at least I don't have to live with myself after making horrible decisions like you just did.

I just want you to know that I hate you all. I hate everyone there that helped to make this ignorant decision. I am going to kill you all. Just kidding! Geez. Lighten up! I'm not that mad. Besides, if I did something like that, I would never ever get to win any of the three Heisman Trophies that are coming my way... so I'm going to hire someone to kill you all. Kidding again! It's called joking, people - check into it.

For now, I can only resort to anger, frustration, and childish name-calling. And that's what I'll do.
1) Anger: I was so angry this past weekend that I started throwing footballs a quarter mile each. No, make that a half mile each. Into the wind. With my left hand, because I hurt my right hand. I accidentally hit and killed a cow with one and now I have to buy it. I'm sending you donkey-butt smelling people the bill - count on it!
2) Frustration: I am so frustrated with the NCAA right now that I feel like I might start an affair with a trashy 15 year old country singer and start doing HGH and steroids and then deny it all in about 15 years after my tenth straight NFL MVP award.
3) Name-calling: Well, you already know that your decision stinks. It stinks like a bloodied, dead skunk carcass sitting on the side of the road. You have already seen my name-calling wrath earlier in this letter and I know you don't want anymore, you rotten-meat-sitting-in-my-trash-can-for-too-long pigs.

Whenever I break numerous NCAA records, I will not allow you to put my name in your record books. I don't want it. I just hope you all can live with yourselves after such an injustice.
Communists! Bin Laden lovers! Britney Spears fans!

I hope you all step on a crack and break your mother's back.
Warmest Regards - not!

Future three-time Heisman trophy winner
"The Mallett"

Friday, May 2, 2008

The "I'm Lazy" Post

Really, there's not much going on right now in Razorback land. Basketball is heading into summer recruting and camps, and football just finished up spring practice. The baseball team has won three in a row and they host Bama beginning tonight at 6:35 for an important three game series. So, get out to Baum Stadium this weekend and watch the Diamond Hogs kick the crap out of the Tide.

Also, if you are heading to the Arkansas Twilight track and field event today (May 2nd), you can get information and a schedule of events here

I haven't felt compelled to make anything up recently, so here are some recent links that I've enjoyed...

Chris Bahn has a nice spring football recap for the Hogs aover at Arkansas Sports 360...

The guys over at Razorbackexpats have some post NFL draft links to check out...

D-Mac hasn't been in the yard since the night before the draft, but he's posting some cool stuff over ay Yardbarker...

Around the SEC...

The unbelievable story of Chris Lofton is all over, and also well summed up over at Third Saturday in Blogtober...

It's definitely not doomsday in Cajun country now that LSU Tiger stud QB Ryan Perrilloux has been dismisssed from the team... The guys at LSU Tigerbait welcome the news...

Laziness concluded for now.