A Gunslinger's Shootout Tomorrow: The Arkansas - Auburn Preview

Arkansas 2-3 (0-2 SEC) at #20 Auburn 4-2 (2-2 SEC)
Kickoff: 4pm CST
TV: ESPN Gameplan, ESPN360.com , and on Pay-per-view on RazorVision for $34.95.


(Two ferocious offenses will be having a shootout at Jordan-Hare Stadium Saturday)














Who needs the OU - Texas Red River Rivalry this weekend with their gazillion points per game and their two Heisman Trophy candidates when you've got Arkansas at Auburn tomorrow? That's right, baby! Arkansas and Auburn are coming in guns a blazing with their high octane offenses (see the offensive breakdown below). Forget about Bradford-McCoy. Arkansas-Auburn will feature the Todd-Burns-Dick trio (that's a photo op waiting to happen).

The Tiggers have been so potent with their new spread offense that Tubsey fired offensive coordinator Tony Franklin six games into the season and replaced him temporarily with assistant coach Steve Ensminger. All that to the major enjoyment of Bama fans, who could be saddled with the country's #1 team after this weekend.

Arkansas has been so dynamic that the Hogs have scored 31 points the last three games. But that's all about to change on Saturday as the mighty Razorbacks are tired of being the butt of jokes around the SEC so far this season and I have lost no faith in the ability of the Arkansas offense despite the following numbers:

How the offenses break down in the SEC:

Arkansas:
#11 in Points Per Game (17.4)
#7 in Yards Per Game
#12 in Rushing Yards Per Game
#2 in Passing Yards Per Game

Auburn:
#9 in Points Per Game (18.7)
#11 in Yards Per Game
#7 in Rushing Yards Per Game
#10 in Passing Yards Per Game

The Final Analysis:

I'm sticking with my original pre-season prediction. I've only missed three games so far this season, so it's not panic time for Double K.
Where's Will Muschamp when you really need him Auburn fans will be asking? Will Muschamp will be getting his ass kicked in Dallas by the Sooners and you're getting it too, Tuberville! Kodi Burns fumbles six times and the Razorbacks romp 63 to 10 over the Tiggers.
Woo to the Pig Sooie!



(Try and hit us, Auburn. (What?) I said we're coming down there and see what happens if you try and hit us.)

Break Time

After Saturday's narrow loss at the hands of the Gators, the Hog Tale needs a few days to regroup and get properly motivated for destroying Auburn on Saturday. So, The Hog Tale will be on break for the next few days returning later in the week. You'll live.

Let's Get Tebow bow bow bow bow bow: The Arkansas - FloRida Preview

Arkansas (2-2, 0-2 SEC) vs. Florida (3-1, 1-1 SEC)



Applebottom jean shorts and the boots with the fur,
the Hog d-line was looking at her,
she dropped back and started to throw, next thing you know
Razorbacks crushed Tebow bow bow bow bow


Gators, Gators, Gators. Welcome to Fayetteville and if you're reading this from somewhere outside of Fayetteville then stay there for you own safety. Because the Gators and Gator fans that are here this weekend are walking into a place they can't possibly win at, and they don't realize it.

Of course, Florida coach Urban Meyer is fairly confident and still bitter about last week's loss to Ole Miss in this just released sound bite from his weekly press conference...

Express Yourself with Gizmoz Video Clips

It's a Hog team hungry for a big win. A Hog team with death and destruction on its' mind. A Hog team that wants to crush Tebow to make up for last year's slight in giving Tebow the Heisman over the baddest man on the planet, Darren McFadden. Anyone that watches college football will tell you that the best collegiate football player last year was Darren McFadden. Not even close. Felix Jones was probably second. I am still pissed about the stupid, racist Heisman voters.



(a group of last year's Heisman voters)




The final analysis:

The Hogs will make Tim Tebow cry at some point on Saturday. It's going to be all Hogs Saturday, because the odds dictate that they will come up with some big plays. It will be a friendly crowd and a Florida team coming off of a loss to Houston Nutt and Ole Miss in Gainesville last Saturday. They suck if they lost at home to Ole Miss, so by that rationale, they will suck against Arkansas tomorrow as the Razorbacks jump out to a 52-0 lead and hold on to win 52-51.

Worst Heisman Trophy Winner Ever To Invade Fayetteville Saturday

(Scientific charts never ever lie.)


Lord Tim Tebow and his disciples are coming to Razorback country this weekend bringing with them thier finest meats and cheeses along with a lofty ranking and an unblemished record. All hail mighty Tebow. Bow before your king, peasants.



(If he were really Superman, he wouldn't fly this close to the ground... take off that cape and put your cut-off jean shorts back on)





Tomorrow: The Arkansas - Florida Preview

Petrino To Sue Nutt

Calls current Arkansas players "worst coached players in America"

In a suit filed today in Washington County, Razorback head football coach Bobby Petrino is suing ex-Razorback and current Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt. When asked about the suit, a University spokesman had this to say:

"Coach Petrino took this job with the understanding that the current group of Razorbacks may be a little thin on talent compared to the rest of the SEC conference, but had at least been coached well. Upon his arrival and his observations over the first month of the season Coach Petrino has decided that Houston Nutt and his ex-staff members did no coaching whatsoever and the current group of Razorbacks is not only poorly coached, but the worst coached players in America. With every game, we are witnessing Houston's negligence of this great program."

Anonymous players not wishing to be identified supported this theory and plan on testifying once the case goes to trial.

"Coach Nutt spent a good 45 minutes to one hour every practice showing us how to celebrate, call the Hogs, and just act crazy. I didn't even know what a three point stance was when I got here. Now I do. Just barely," said one player.

"I didn't know I was supposed to fight off blocks," said one defensive player, "Coach Nutt just taught us to stay with the offensive player and hold our ground. Tackling was head down, lead with the helmet, and close your eyes. I'm lucky I'm still alive."

"I didn't know you were supposed to turn and find the ball in flight," said one defensive back, "We were taught to just try and keep up with the receiver. And if we couldn't, we were supposed to blame the safeties and/or linebackers."

"I was taught to catch the ball up against my body and round off my cuts on all my patterns," said one receiver, "Coach Nutt said that it was the QBs job to get the ball to me regardless of where I ended up."

"We were told that DMac and Felix would win games for us because they couldn't be stopped. He told the rest of us that they could run forever even without any blocking or help from the offensive line."

Coach Petrino is siting the recent games against Texas and Alabama as overwhelming evidence of the poorly coached players he inherited from Nutt. Testimony from players and game film from this year's games will be submitted as evidence against Nutt. Jury selection could begin as early as next week.



(If they kick your butt, you must, must sue Nutt!"

Horns Get Lucky in 52-10 Romp of Hogs

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Tyler Wilson era...)



Wow. What to say after that game? Not much. It's officially regroup week as the Tim Tebows come to town. Texas got really, really lucky this past Saturday. 52 points of luck. If not for those 52 points, we could have pulled that game out. But until our luck turns, the passing game, the running game, the defense, and special teams all need to improve slightly.

Congratulations to "Bevo" in the shoutbox for the closest pick of the week with his (her?) 44-14 prediction.

Odds Makers On Crack: The Arkansas - Texas Preview

Arkansas (2-1) vs. Texas (3-0)

Kickoff: 2:30 CST in Austin
TV: Of course
Line: Texas -27.5


The Longhorns enter the contest a 27.5 point favorite against the SEC's top passing team (when was the last time you could say that Arkansas was the SEC's top passing team?). Mistake #1 is underestimating these Razorbacks. The first two games, maybe Arkansas was overestimating its' opponent. Against Alabama? Probably looking past the Tide to this matchup.

QB Comparison:
Casey Dick enters the contest as the top passing QB in the SEC in yardage per game with 831 yards passing in three games including five touchdowns. Texass' Colt McCoy has 833 yards and 11 touchdowns already this season. Colt McCoy sucks.

Huge Advantage: Arkansas

The only Colts I like are these...



(Me and Billy Dee like to poor out a little liquor for our fallen homies...)


(and if I find out that you took out one of my homies, I will cap your ass with one of these and then your homies will be pouring out liquor to honor you... that's just how I roll in Fayetteville...)



I got skillz position players:
With only two games under his belt this season, Michael Smith (who was suspended for the first game of the year) has the most rushing yardage of any back on either team with the 248 yards he's picked up in two weeks in a win over the most underrated all gay team in the nation - UL Monroe, and against Alabama. Texas' leading rusher? QB Colt McCoy with 194 yds. Whaaat?

Arkansas Tight End D.J. Williams and super frosh Joe Adams have 345 yards and three TDs between them. Texas' receiving duo of Quan Crosby and Jordan Shipley have six TDs and just over 500 yards receiving.



(SuperFrosh, SuperFrosh, he's SuperFroshey, yeaooowww!)



Huge Advantage: Arkansas

The rest of the positions and stuff like defense and special teams and coaches and cheerleaders:

Advantage: Arkansas



(Longhorn cheerleaders will be disgusted by the end of the game on Saturday)






The Final Analysis:

The Razorbacks appeared to be struggling winning both games by a combined five points and losing by a small margin against Alabama last week. But, I say that looks can be deceiving! Without the threat of a real running game, the Hogs will only have to focus on containing poor Colt McCoy and the Horns' passing game. I say they do it and Casey Dick rebounds to have his best game of the year throwing for about 800 yards. The Razorbacks are playing oppossum and the Longhorns will get the shock of this young season when Arkansas steam rolls the Horns 44-24.





(How the Horns keep winning with fans like these is still a mystery to me.)