Don't Touch My Scooter!

By now, most everyone around here is familiar with seeing the moped gang, errr, Arkansas Razorback football players on their scooters in and around campus.

I don't know when or where the whole scooter thing actually originated, but it was mentioned several times last season especially in feature articles about D-Mac.

Anyway, the gang is apparently getting out of control this summer as junior linebacker Wendel Davis was involved in an altercation yesterday afternoon when some dude named Onyebychi Chukwunonso Odunukwe (I think he's a born and raised Arkansan) bumped into the back of Wendel's scooter with his '05 Nissan Altima at a traffic light.

Davis, who is already recovering from winter knee surgery, proceeded to pound his fists on Odunukwe's car causing dents and even cracking the dude's windshield. Davis had to be taken to the hospital for an evaluation on his possibly injured hand or hands.

First of all, what's up with the Razorback linebackers? Freddie Fairchild was released from the team about a month ago and sophomore linebacker Freddy Burton was charged with driving while intoxicated. Davis, who had 39 tackles last season, is sixth in tackles among returning defensive players from a year ago.

The Tennessee fans are all over this minor story already that comes during the sloooowwwest part of the sports calendar.

There has been no official statement from Davis yet, but this is what my inside sources tell me really happened when he got off of his scooter:

Odunukwe: Ahh, so sorry man, I wasn't paying attention and I will pay for any damages to your awesome scooter.

Davis: No problem, man. Give me your name and phone number and all of that stuff. You didn't even hardly cause a scratch on here.

Odunkwe: Hey, aren't you future All-American Wendel Davis of the soon to be 12-0 Arkansas Razorbacks? (I'm pretty sure this guy is an English major)

Davis: Yeah, that's me.

Odunkwe: My car here is piece of junk, so show me what you all are going to do to Alabama next season. Just do it on my car.

(Davis pounds car with one fist)
Davis: That's what we're gonna do!

Odunkwe: That's weak, man! We'll get killed! Now, show me, man! Really show me!

(Davis starts pounding the car with both fists and screaming "This is what I'm going to do to your head, Nick Saban!"

Odunkwe: That's it! That's it! Yeah! What about Ole Miss and Houston Nutt!?

(Davis starts going nuts and begins pounding on the windshield as well)

Odunkwe (going into a Howard Dean psycho-tirade): How about Texas! And Florida! And LSU!!!

ahhhh!!!!


(Davis cracks the windshield at this time, and with both fists bleeding, lays a head-butt into the driver side door deploying the airbags inside the car due to the extreme force of his punching and head-butting)

Odunkwe: Hell yeah! Woo! Pig! Sooie!

Odunkwe and Davis take a couple of photos together. Davis signs a few autographs. Police show up and escort Davis to the hospital for an evaluation on his hands and head.

It's pretty cut and clean from this point of view - Wendel Davis is fired up and ready to jack opposing offenses this season. I say this incident is a good sign for Razorback football. Let's hope we see more passionate destruction of personal property in the coming weeks!

He's Like the Wind (Only Faster)

In 1987, Patrick Swayze sang his way into America's eardrums with a little ditty called "She's Like the Wind" from the motion picture "Dirty Dancing" (nobody puts Baby in a corner).

Yesterday, in Eugene, Oregon, former U of A stud Tyson Gay updated the Swayze hit with his new soon to be titled single called "He's Like the Wind (Only Faster)."

Gay blew away the competition at the U.S. Olympic trials turning in a wind aided world record of 9.68 seconds in the 100 meter dash. The world record apparently won't count because there was too much wind.

I would like to argue that Gay was running faster than the wind, and that the wind actually slowed Gay down and the record should stand.

In fact, reports surfaced after the race that the wind was pissed that Gay was running faster than it, and vows revenge in Beijing.

"People run like the wind. They run against the wind. Cool breezes blow through peoples' hair, but, people don't run faster than the wind! It's usually that simple!" exclaimed a spokesman for Mother Nature. "If I hadn't of seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it," he said, "But it was very evident today that Tyson Gay beat the wind's ass today."

"On behalf of Mother Nature and the rest of nature's elements, I'd like to apologize for the poor performance of the wind today, and the fact that was raised that the elements may be able to be tamed by humans. Our organization still classifies that statement as false despite Gay's whipping of the wind today."

The spokesman concluded by saying, "The wind has gotten a little too big for its own good over the years, and was humbled today by the fastest thing on the planet - Tyson Gay. Congratulations to Mr. Gay, but the wind will have its revenge in Beijing."


Walter Dix and Darvis Patton were the other two qualifiers for the U.S. in the 100 meters. Here's hoping for a Gay-Patton-Dix medal sweep in China later this summer.


The fastest man on the planet is:

A)


B)


or
C)

Nugs & Northern Iowa

Well, the Denver Nuggets pulled off the heist of the draft stealing Sonny Weems away from the Chicago Bulls on draft night. Weems was part of a three team trade after the Bulls had selected him.
Chicago acquired the draft rights to some piece of trash from Turkey known as Omer Asik (6'11" center) who was originally selected 36th by Portland.
The Nugs traded its 2009 second round pick to Portland, which also received a pair of future picks from Chicago.
Most likely Sonny Weems will now be Denver's #1 option on offense as Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson will likely become role players or be traded.




A new era in Arkansas track and field is officially underway now as the U of A hired Northern Iowa's Chris Bucknam to succeed the retired legend, John McDonnell.

I'm giving Bucknam about 72 hours to produce some sort of championship before I begin a campaign to have him removed. I think that's only fair since McDonnell seemed to average one national championship every 36-48 hours or so.

Bucknam spent 25 seasons at Northern Iowa compiling 35 conference championships and six top 20 finishes in NCAA indoor and outdoor championships.

Good luck, Coach Bucknam.

D-Mac Petitions NFL To Wear Infinity Symbol

"I want to be the first player in NFL history to wear a symbol instead of a number. It's pretty obvious - I plan to run for infinity on NFL defenses."

- Darren McFadden

"I ain't gonna play. That's what's going to happen," stated McFadden when asked what he would do if his petition to wear the infinity sign on the back of his jersey was turned down. "I'm serious, I ain't playing football in America if I'm gonna get treated like a second class citizen! I'll go play in the damn Europe NFL or the Arena Football League, or do they still have the XFL anymore?"

Former Razorback All-American, first round draft pick, rookie sensation, future Hall of Famer, future all-time rushing leader, future all-time touchdowns record holder, future Hollywood action star, future ruler of all creation, Oakland Raider Darren McFadden is a little perturbed.

The greatest thing to come along since sliced wheat bread, McFadden was upset when he found out that the NFL restricted running backs to wear a number between 20 and 49, so he has petitioned the NFL to let him wear the infinity symbol on the back of his jersey instead.

"I wasn't too upset by not getting to wear my number five," said McFadden, "But I'm not going to lie. I'll be pissed if they don't let me wear the symbol instead. These dumb ass linebackers in the NFL are going to think it's an eight anyway as they're lying on the ground looking at my backside after I run past them."

When it was mentioned that for a brief time, the musician Prince went by the following symbol, McFadden had this to say:

"That was cool when Prince was just a symbol. I might change my name to an infinity symbol if the NFL don't let me wear it as my number. If I change it to my name legally, they will have to put it on the back of my jersey then, right?"

McFaddy then proceeded to sing his own version of "Purple Rain"...
"D-Dawg pain. D-Dawg pain.
I only want to see you linemen suffer D-Dawg pain"


For the time being, the future musical superstar known currently as Humanity Advanced is going with the number 20 as you can read on his blog, but don't count out the symbol just yet. Here's hoping NFL commissioner Roger Goodell makes a wise choice and grants McFadden's request. It's not like he's requesting this...








(Someday this freak of nature may simply be known as the NFL Hall of Famer formerly known as Darren McFadden)

Upcoming NBA Draft

Is there anything more exciting this time of year than all the mock NBA drafts that come out and are updated daily? I say no (sarcastically of course). My only real interest is where former Arkansas stud Sonny Weems ends up. It appears from most sources that the 6'6" college slam dunk champion is going in the NBA draft on Thursday evening somewhere in the second round. Here's a few links if you love this sort of thing:

NBAdraft.net has Sonny to the Indiana Pacers at #41

CollegeHoops.net likes Sonny at #43 to the Sacremento Kings

Chad Ford at ESPN.com is sending Sonny to the Miami Heat (via Orlando) at #52

The NBA draft guru has Sonny headed to Utah to join former Hog Ronnie Brewer at #46

The Sportsbank likes Weems to go at #57 to San Antonio

And, finally, right here on the Hog Tale, is my mock draft:

With the number one pick in the 2008 NBA draft, the Chicago Bulls select... Sonny Weems, University of Arkansas

#2 Miami Heat - Derrick Rose, Memphis University

#3 Minnesota Timberwolves - Michael Beasley, Kansas State University

#4 Seattle Supersonics - Darrien Townes, University of Arkansas

#5 Memphis Grizzlies - Stephen Hill, University of Arkansas

Totally Non-Razorback Related Post

Since I began this site last summer, it has been for the general amusement and information on Razorback sports and Razorback athletes. But, I have to buck tradition today to say congratulations to the Boston Celtics. Having grown up a Celtics fan, it was with much enjoyment last night that I got to witness the crushing of the hated Kobe Bryant led L.A. Lakers for the Celtics' 17th NBA championship. The championship was of course the first since 1986, so I savored every last second on tv and on the internet today.



And you know that somewhere, Red was puffin' on a big ol' championship stogie.

I thought it was cool seeing KG and Bill Russell embracing after the game and watching Paul Pierce accept the MVP trophy and just enjoying the moment as KG, Pierce, and Ray Allen can now all lay claim to a NBA championship. I thought KG's head might explode from all the screaming/crying/screaming/yelling that he did during the post game celebration. Ray Ray was unbelievable in the finals. I'm glad Pierce won the MVP, but I would have had no argument had they given it to Allen instead. The man can flat out shoot the rock.

Here's hoping I don't have to wait another 22 years for a Celtics championship. In fact, I'd love to see a repeat with the Celtics beating the Lakers again next year...

Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.!

You Have Two Days

In case you weren't aware, Coach Pelphrey established a charity called "Pel's Pals" which was established in 2007 in memory of an infant son the Pelphreys lost when he was an assistant coach at Florida. As a fund raiser for "Pel's Pals", which helps out other children's charities financially, you can bid on ebay to play golf in a foursome with Coach Pelphrey and Coach Petrino at the July 2nd pro-am for the LPGA P&G Beauty NW Arkansas Championship July 3-6.



So, you still have time. You can play some golf with Coach Pelphrey and Coach Petrino, and all you have to do is be the highest bidder on ebay. At posting time, the current bid was $5,000 (tax deductible of course), but there is still two days to go before bidding closes.

So, pony out some jack for a worthy cause, and good luck!