Long John

Fat, drunk, and shoeless is no way to go through life... unless your name is John Daly! Check out the man, J.D., with no shirt, no shoes, and seemingly no cares in this video...

The Hog Days of Spring

Well, I braved the crowds at Razorfest on Saturday afternoon. It was a great day for the event as temps were somewhere in the 60's. Many former Razorback greats including Matt Jones were there, television stations were plenty, football recruits were on hand, and I too was among somewhere close to 52,000 who showed up for Razorfest and the game itself.

A reported 40,000 stayed for the game (7th nationally among spring games), but I didn't stay. I knew what was going to happen: The Red dominated - just as I predicted - easily covering the three touchdown spread that I put forth in a previous post 45-14. Casey Dick threw for 404 yards and Michael Smith ran for a 157 yards against the White (second string) team. The Petrino era is in full force. Yes, it was against the second team, but still, that's what you want from your first team offense. I would hate to get on here and say that Dick threw for 127 yards and was intercepted three times and Smith ran for 52 yards and fumbled twice against the second team. So, you take it for what it is.


Just a brief recap for Hogs and ex-Hogs over the last three or four days...


The Hog baseball team is playing better and with their series win over Ole Miss. The Hogs have won seven of their last nine and are now only a game and a half out of the lead in the SEC West. Junior Logan Forsythe was named SEC Hitter of the Week after going 7-11 on the weekend against Ole Miss including three homers, five runs scored, and eight RBI's. The Hogs host Missouri State on Wednesday, and then the Crimson Tide from Bama (you're going down, Gerry) comes to town this weekend for a crucial three game series.





Of course Darren McFadden and Felix Jones both were first round draft picks to the Raiders and Cowgirls. Here are the rest of the drafted Razorbacks from Saturday and Sunday's NFL Draft:

DRAFTED PLAYERS POS ROUND TEAM
Marcus Harrison DT 3 Chicago
Nate Garner OT 7 NY Jets
Peyton Hillis FB 7 Denver
Marcus Monk WR 7 Chicago

Looks like Monk and Harrison will be training camp roomies







Former Razorback Joe Johnson single-handedly destroyed the Celtics last night in the fourth quarter to even that NBA playoff series at 2-2. Pretty astonishing considering the Celts have the best record in the league and pretty much toyed with the Hawks in Games 1 and 2



Former Razorback Ronnie Brewer had a few Sportscenter moments and his best game of the series so far (12 pts. 3 boards) as the Utah Jazz beat the Houston Rockets in Game 4 in Utah to take a 3-1 lead (Game 5 is Tuesday night in Houston).



And finally, in the NBA, I can't forget about Jannero Pargo, who went for 30 points in a loss to Dallas on Friday night, but added 11 off the bench on Sunday night for the Hornets who now lead my Mavs 3-1 heading back to New Orleans for Game 5 Wednesday night.


















Last, but not least, former Razorback pitcher and Benton native, Cliff Lee is making like Sandy Koufax for the Tribe so far this season. He is 4-0 with a 0.28 ERA. That is one earned run in 31 innings pitched, and he has 29 strikeouts to go along with that as well.

With The Number 4 Pick in the NFL Draft...

... The Oakland Raiders select - Darren McFadden, University of Arkansas.

Well, it's official, D-Mac is taking his 3.49 speed to Oaktown to begin the beatdown on the rest of the NFL. Can't say I'm overly thrilled about this. I mean, it's great for D-Mac and his family and his family's family and the next twelve generations of McFaddens, but I hate the Raiders. Always have. Now, I don't care if the Raiders go 1-15 next year as long as McFadden goes for at least 1,200 yards.




(Two outstanding running backs in the same backfield for three years. Doubt the U of A will ever see anything like it again)






With the 22nd pick in the NFL Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select...

... Felix Jones - University of Arkansas.

I could almost type word for word what I typed about D-Mac above, because I hate the Cowboys. Have since I was about eight years old. Once again, hope Felix the cat has a great year, but could care less if the Cowboys go 0-16.







(These guys are D-Mac's new fans)

The New Spring Game is Here! The New Spring Game is Here!

(We have who starting at running back? And what's this guy's name is starting at linebacker? Who are these guys?)



Yes, the new Spring game is here. The inaugural Bobby Petrino red-white spring game is kicking off Saturday at 6 p.m., and the Hog Tale is going to break it down for you:

Here's how it's going to go...
There will be lots of balls thrown. There will be lots of completions and lots of incompletions (refrain from making Casey Dick jokes). There will be some running and some hitting. There will be some kicking and some screaming, and there will be lots of cursing. There will even be some boo-boos, scrapes, and bruises.




(Perhaps, there will even be dancing...)




Nah, that'd be gay, and there's nothing gay about spring football, baby! But, I do predict that after the first three and out, that fans will start bitching because we're throwing the ball too much. It'll happen. No doubt about it.

And, finally, screw Wesley Snipes. I say, always bet on red.

I think Vegas has this game as Red as a 16 point favorite. I say the Red covers and beats the White Razorbacks by three TDs.

See my post below about the Razorfest activities that will beginning at noon Saturday.

You can go here for parking and shuttle information.

And, here is a breakdown of the rosters for the spring game.

OK, I Guess You Can Live in Arkansas

(I don't see John cutting down too many nets in the Sun Belt Conference)

I don't care about the non-Razorback part of the state known as Arkansas State territory up in the northeast corner, but I was still slightly put-off that they hired John Brady as their new basketball coach. It was probably an easy move and decision for ASU, but I never liked him or his teams at LSU. Now, he's in Arkansas. I'm not sure what I think about that. I guess I really don't care, because I don't care about ASU sports and ASU and the U of A are not really rivals. Brady brings his big name and will bring some instant cred to a program in need.

It's just one of those things that feels uncomfortable... like an ex-girlfriend that you secretly hate living next door, or like a boss who fired you that lives just down the street from you... Whatever the case, I will probably be checking in on ASU a little bit more now come roundball season this winter just to see.

Here's an interesting story from ESPN.com about the Indians/Red Wolves new head coach. (Don't even get me started on the whole - we can't have any more mascots that are Indians or Seminoles or Redmen or whatever... whole different rant for a different time)

Dear Dolphins: You're a Bunch of Idiots

Upon news that the Miami Dolphins are selecting OT Jake Long of Michigan as the number one pick in this year's draft, Darren McFadden issued several statements to several teams that are likely to pass on D-Mac. (Current projections by some experts, including Mel Kiper's hair, have D-Mac going to the Raiders at #4 or the Jets at #6.)






Dear Miami Dolphins,

You all are stupid. Stupid like Ricky Williams-stupid. Stupid like that stupid tattoo on that big ol' dumb lineman's stupid left arm. Bunch of idiots man... I am going to destroy you for the next 10 years every chance I get, and you can sure as hell bet Jake Long won't be on the field to stop me.
I can't wait for my annual 30 carries and 200 yards a game against you everytime we meet. I'm D-Dawg, baby! And you just passed up a chance to not only have the best player in the draft, but to boost ya'lls sorry-ass ticket sales by 200%. Good luck with "The Jake Long Era." How many touchdowns did Jake Long score? How many touchdowns did he throw for? How many touchdown passes did he catch? Dolphin, please. Big fat white dudes are a dime a dozen. Hell, you got one running your organization right now! I'm once in a lifetime, baby. I'll take my 4.27 speed somewhere that wants to win a Super Bowl.

Best wishes with next year's #1 pick also,

- D-Dawg




Dear St. Louis Rams,

I hear ya'll are probably going to pick that defensive end from Virginia, Chris Long. Good luck with that. He is about as hard as the picture of the teddy bear to the left. If you were smart, you would package that pick and Stephen Jackson and trade them to Miami for the #1 pick and then take me, because Miami obviously don't know what the hell they be doing. They are a bunch of idiots. You won't need Jackson no more cause you got me. Hell, Miami's so stupid, they'd probably give you Jason Taylor in that trade deal, and we gonna need some good defensive players in St. Louis with me around. We don't need great, cuz I'm gonna score me three, four, five touchdowns a game on that arificial turf.

Have fun losing a lot of games next year,

- Humanity Advanced





Dear Atlanta Falcons,

You all should take Matt Ryan of Boston College cause that boy can throw the pill and he ain't into dog-fighting from what I hear. Anyway, Coach Petrino says I don't want to go play for your jacked-up organization. So you all just go on about your business and take that pretty boy QB who's going to get slobberknocked (you like that word, don't you?) all next season because he has no offensive line to protect him or no running game that a defense would have to respect on play-action. He'll get jacked every game and sit by his locker afterwards telling all those reporters to leave him alone. He reminds me a lot of Ryan Leaf in that way. Ya'll will be set at QB for at least the next 12-24 months. Petrino had ya'll back on the right track, but now Mr. Blank has ya'll back to being the pathetic Falcons everyone knows.

Good luck with the next Todd Marinovich. You gonna need it,

- D-Mac #5

Johnny Mac Calls It a Career

OK, I'm coming clean - I've never been to an Arkansas track and field meet. It's not that I don't like watching track and field. In fact, when the nationals come on tv, or olympic qualifying, or the olympics or world championships, I like watching. I'm not so much a 100 yard dash guy. I like the relays and the 400 meters and the 800 meters and some of the long distance events. I really have no good excuse for living here and never attending an Arkansas track event though.

So, when I heard that legendary coach John McDonnell is retiring at the end of this outdoor season, I decided right here and right now (hey, there's no tomorrow!) that I'm going to attend a meet before he steps into that green pasture for grazing and studding (sorry about the mental image).



(Right now, Double K regrets not attending a Razorback track and field event while the legend was still coaching)



But, my only chance is the NCAA Mideast Regionals that will be held here at the end of May. They just held the John McDonnell Invitational on Friday and Saturday, and if the old man would have made his announcement last week, I could have planned to attend it instead.

But, oh my green clovers, pink hearts, and purple horseshoes, look at these statistics about Razorback Track and Field since John McDonnell took over as head cross country coach in 1972 and head track and field coach in 1977:

42 National titles (more than any coach in any sport in the history of collegiate athletics)
5 National triple crowns (outdoor, indoor, and cross country)
20 Conference triple crowns
34 consecutive cross country conference championships (17 in the SEC) and counting
McDonnell was named national, regional, or conference Coach of the Year 140 times (yes, 140!)

Do you think Coach McDonnell has ever had some prima-donna track stud who thinks he knows more than everyone and has questioned how he's being used by Coach McDonnell. And then do think Coach McDonnell would take said athlete to some secret room somewhere, and shown him his 140 coach of the year plaques/trophies? If it were me, I would. But, watching and listening to him over the years, it probably never happened.

Since 1984:
19 National Championships in indoor track (12 in a row from 1984-95)
12 National Championships in outdoor track
11 National Championships in cross country
Since 1984, a total of 69 (that's what she said!) national titles have been awarded in those three sports and the Razorbacks have won 42 of them.

McDonnell's teams have won 45 of a possible 50 SEC Championships (90% for you mathematically challenged)





(A toast to ye old, unbelievable career, laddy. May Irish eyes smile always upon ye, Johnny Mac, while the sun shines on your face and the wind blows gently at your back.)

Red-White Game Activities

Razorfest 2008 is coming up this Saturday and finishes up with the Red-White spring game or as I like to call it, the battle of the two best teams in the SEC.

This event is coordinated by Champions for Kids and is a wonderful event for children and benefits several local charities such as The Elizabeth Richardson foundation, The Brandon Burlsworth Foundation, LifeSource International, Camp Barnabas, St Francis Community Clinic, Yvonne Richardson Center, and the Arkansas Support Network.

Old Spice is putting up an actual Pirate ship and will be giving out pirate eye patches and temporary tattoos (arrrr!). Count me in on multiple tats - I'm going with "Hog Tale Boy" on my 12 pack stomach. There will be a Totino’s Sports Zone which is like ESPN game day where the kids can actually act as a sports announcer and will get a tape of themselves with the microphone, headset, etc to take with them.

Hopefully one of the kids there will be the next Chris Berman. I mean, Jesus... it's like no one has ever worked in television before... I mean, Jesus...




Tyson will have an Olympic Village and will be handing out miniature Olympic medals to the kids and lots of other things. Radio Disney will be there too which I understand is where some teenage chick with an average voice at best named Miley Cyrus got her start. Personally, I watch it just to see if Billy Ray will sing Achy Breaky Heart... oh, how I miss those mullet, high-top tennis shoe days.

And of course, once everyone is through participating in all the booths, eating, etc, you can take in the Red/White game, which I will have a breakdown on later on this week.

The Vault

One of the cool things I found out while perusing Razorback Expats the other day was the fact (keep up the good work, guys) that Sports Illustrated has opened the vault. You can now read articles, view photos, covers, etc. of anything in the Sports Illustrated collection. For some good reading anytime, head on over there.

One of the better Razorback articles written in the past 10 years by S.I. was almost nine years ago. Unfortunately, it was written about former Razorback All-American Brandon Burlsworth two months after his tragic death. The article is outstanding, but the reason that the article was written is what still makes you shake your head in disbelief to this day. This article is fairly timely as well because Razorfest 2008 is coming up next weekend and some of the proceeds do benefit The Brandon Burlsworth Foundation. More on Razorfest next week. It was a life gone in the blink of an eye, and it doesn't seem like it's been nearly nine years either.


Have a good weekend.

Just Jacking Around With Gizmoz

Pel's offseason gig. Not sure if he got his wife's approval or not.

It Ain't Easy Being #1

Some of us know that it's not easy being #1. I mean, I get tired of being #1 sometimes... not! (Borat accent). Hell, it never gets boring being #1, and I'm sure the same can be said for D-Mac, coverboy for ESPN The Magazine.
Here's the link for the article.







Oh, and in case you missed it on his blog, here is a run down of all the tats that D-Mac, or "D-Dawg" sports. Ain't no big thang, though. I have a lot of the same ones.

Razorback Kickball: Where Domination Happens

(Razorback All-American candidate, pitcher Yars Sveltman, preparing to break off some nasty junk for the next kicker.)

I know you're probably reading this saying to yourself, wow, DoubleK you're talking about Razorback kickball? And you're thinking one thing. Well, I'm thinking the same thing too... kickball is awesome! Not quite on the whole Dodgeball level, but still, you get to kick the crap out of big bouncy red balls.

Decked out in his green practice garb, Arkansas kickball pitching sensation Yars Sveltman says, "It's all about U of A pride," when asked why he and his Razorback teammates started Arkansas Razorback kickball. "There are some outstanding kickball teams around the country and especially in my native Norway. Even though this is our first season as a University team, we think we can go all the way. I think if we can get Coach Petrino to agree to let Alex Tejada come out for the team, that this group of Hog Kickballers could be pretty special come NCAA tournament time."

For now, the Hog kickballers are practicing in a local pasture with cows because there is no room for them on campus after being banned by the administration, which claims that they no nothing about any Arkansas Razorback kickball team.

"Sure we step in the occasional cow pattie - in more ways than one," said Yars while letting out a Norwegian laugh, "but that's just the price you have to pay sometimes to be good. And, we're good. The University may not recognize it, but we do, and we're determined to have our one shining moment soon."





(Yars' Norwegian cousin, Sven, is famous for his wicked bouncie curveball, and is also considered one of the top pitchers in the U.S.)





Arkansas Razorback Kickball 2008: We Kick Balls!



Oh, and a happy tax day to you!

Some Baseball, Some Football

Well, as you can tell by my lack of posting, there hasn't been much crap going on this week in Razorback land. The Diamond Hogs continue to struggle even though they won a 2-1 pitcher's duel at Florida yesterday. The win puts the Razorbacks at 18-14 on the year and 4-8 in the SEC West, which is good for fifth place.

This area did have the inaugural home opener of the Kansas City AA affiliate - the Northwest Arkansas Naturals. The Naturals are 3-5 on the season (as you would expect for a KC affiliate), but that is good enough for a tie for first in the North Division of the Texas League (which you wouldn't expect from a KC affiliate).

Honestly, I'm looking forward to attending some games this summer as minor league baseball is all about entertainment and affordability, and who knows maybe some misguided drunken Arkansan hillbilly will take a shot at our creepy mascot.


(Here is the NWA Naturals mascot, "Strike," posing with a child just before he ate him. Seriously, this so-called mascot is going to set some sort of unbreakable record for making babies cry while creeping everyone out. I think he has those Jack Nicholson "Here's Johnny" eyes from "The Shining.")





Heeerrre's Strike!





Here's your brief recap of Friday's scrimmage:

Lots of balls thrown - 78 total (C. Dick 36, R. Mallett 12, A. Mortensen 15, N. Dick 15).
Not as many completions - 39 total (C. Dick 21, Mallett 5, Mortensen 7, N. Dick 6)
4 TDs (2 by C. Dick, 1 each by Mortensen and N. Dick)

Brandon Barnett rushed 22 times for 84 yards, but fumbled five times. Coach Petrino proceeded to superglue the ball to Barnett's hands to be worn at all times until the season begins.




(Barnett has yet to reach this level of superglue status, but he is on his way after five fumbles)




Injury report:
The scrimmage was a long one (164 snaps all totaled), but some of the missing Hogs included:
RB Michael Smith (injured after one carry and five yards into the scrimmage)
CB Jarrell Norton
RB Chip Gregory
WR Crosby Tuck
LB Elston Forte
QB Ryan Mallett injured his throwing hand after hitting it on a helmet after a throw.

Rock, Chalk, Mental Block

(The KU starting five of l-r Chalmers, Robinson, Rush, Jackson, and Arthur proved to be too much in OT last night for Memphis)

Congrats to (Ar)Kansas last night for not giving up down the stretch and putting the screws to Memphis who couldn't make a free throw to win the championship when it was in the palm of their nervous, shaky hands. I kind of feel bad for Memphis who had that game won. It's pretty tough to lose a game when you're up nine with 2:12 remaining, but Chris Douglas-Roberts missed the front end of a one-and-one, missed two in a row, and Derrick Rose missed one of two in that fateful final minute and fifteen seconds. Missed free throws by good shooters = mental block in my opinion. But give credit to KU's Sherron Collins and Mario Chalmers for hitting the big threes to get the Jayhawks to overtime. Was there any doubt that KU was going to win it in OT after Memphis essentially blew it? I didn't think so.

I'm happy for Bill Self, but now we are going to have to start enduring the will he go or won't he questions about his alma mater, Okie State. Rumor has it that the money tree, aka O-State booster T. Boone Pickens, is prepared to offer Self in upwards of five million per year and a piece of his company for Bill to return home and coach the Cowboys.





When asked about this last night after the game, Bill just responded with:

"I could give a s&#t about Oklahoma State right now. I'm just really pumped up right now about the New Kids on the Block reunion. That's my main focus now that basketball is over. I hope Tiffany is the opening act too, because I plan on being front and center for every show possible. It's in my contract to let me fly in the University's private jet to any concert I want if NKOTB ever re-united. Donnie Wahlberg is the man!"

By the way, what do you think the UNC fans thought about this?





If I ever see Pelphrey wearing a UK sticker on a sweater at a national championship game, I'm starting the petition to have him - not fired, but demoted to assistant coach instead.

The 2008 Championship - Arkansas vs. Memphis

In the second part of my "It should have been Arkansas and not North Carolina" series, we'll examine how the Arkansas-Memphis title game would have shaped up. (The Arkansas destruction of KU is a few entries down.)


Pre-game

The Memphis Tigers with only one loss on the season are heavy 15 point favorites over the Razorbacks. Many Italian mob bosses have placed much money on their favorite Italian son, John Vincent Calipari.



(I love kittens, and pumas, and leopards, and especially Calipari Tigers)


Billy Packer rambles on and on about how big Memphis' guards are and how strong Derrick Rose's upper body is. When pressed further on the matter by Jim Nantz, Packer says that he knows how big the Memphis guards are because he's seen them in the shower on numerous occasions this season. CBS immmediately makes plans for a "Billy Packer Retirement Party."

1st half:

Arkansas point guard Gary Ervin is caught on a CBS microphone asking Derrick Rose just before the tipoff - "Didn't anyone ever tell you that every rose has it's thorn? I'm your thorn, punk." Rose then proceeds to use his upper body strength to score the first 17 points of the game on Gary Ervin. 17-0 Memphis. At which time, Billy Packer announces this game is over and by the way that he is gay and wants to be Rose's lover. Coach Pelphrey calls timeout after punching his fist through the gatorade jug.
Vincent Hunter gets the scoring started for the Razorbacks with a variety of the low-post moves he is known for. Comparisons are made by Packer between Hunter and former NBA great Kevin McHale.
Stefan Welsh hits a couple threes and Charles Thomas draws 12 charges the first half. Steven Hill hits a sky-hook from the free-throw line over Memphis' Joey Dorsey at the buzzer.
In a great game, at the half, the score is all tied up at 50 apiece.
Vincent Hunter and Darrien Townes each have 15 points to lead the Hogs while Derrick Rose leads Memphis with 43 points.


Calipari is disappointed and says the Tigers are playing "too tight" and need to loosen up the second half. He proceeds to pass out beer for the players to drink at halftime ordering them to pound as many as they can before the second half gets underway.

2nd half:

Memphis' Chris Douglas-Roberts went 0-12 from the field in the first half, so he added a few more pages of scripture to the tatoo on his arm as inspiration at halftime. When examined closer by the CBS cameras, it appears that the tattoo artist got his books confused and actually imprinted the teachings of Kaballah instead. CDR finishes the game with 3 points - all on free throws.
Sonny Weems, fresh off of winning the collegiate slam dunk title, opens up the half with six straight dunks. Three over Joey Dorsey, and three over Chris Douglas-Roberts, but Weems picks up a techinal on the last dunk for spray painting the words "Sonny was here" on the backboard just before he dunked it. Calipari calls a time-out as the 12 straight Razorback points have them up 62-50.
Memphis cuts the lead to two 90-88 with four minutes to go when Rose dunks over Marcus Britt, but Patrick Beverley hits two crucial threes down the stretch to expand Arkansas' lead and the Hogs never look back.

As expected by Arkansas fans, the Razorbacks beat Memphis. The Hogs beat Tennessee this season who beat Memphis, so it was only natural that the Razorbacks end up as the 2008 champions winning 108-94. Sonny Weems is named Most Valuable Player after scoring 44 points in the finals on 16 for 16 shooting from the floor.



(Champions again)



In the press conference afterwards, Coach Calipari is asked if they might have underestimated the underdog Razorbacks. At which time, Calipari responds with:
"They are who we thought they were!" Calipari slams his fist on the table and walks out. Somewhere in America, John Chaney was smiling.
Calipari is last spotted with a few notorious Italian mafia members being "escorted" from the Alamodome. Coach Calipari is placed in the trunk of a car with no tags and is driven off.

You Can't Dunk Better Than Sonny

Your 2008 college slam dunk champion, from the University of Arkansas.... Sonny Weems!

Here's one of the dunks that propelled Sonny to the title...



And the winning dunk in the finals...

You Can't Fool McFadden, Fool

D-Mac dropping by The Best Damn Sports Show and spoiling the joke...


McFadden drops by BDSSP

An Arkansas - KU Final Four Matchup

My memory is a little purple hazy, a little foggy you might say, but I’m thinking back a couple of weeks ago to the Arkansas – North Carolina game. Remember it? I do. Man, it was a barn-burner. Back and forth. Lead changes at every turn. Gary Ervin and Ty Lawson practically battling to a draw. Darrien Townes was too much inside for Tyler Handsoffbrough. Wayne Ellington and Sonny Weems traded threes like a West coast-East coast rap battle. It was a game for the ages. Of course, UNC pulled away late for the extremely close victory, but I still can’t help but to think how the Final Four would have shaped up if the Hogs had come calling this Saturday in San Antonio instead of the Heels. So, I present to you The Hog Tale's revised National Semi-final game:

Arkansas vs. Kansas
The battle of Rock, chalk, dirty jock.

Pregame:
You know, I think it’s ridiculous that this territory which became a state in 1861 (25 years after Arkansas) couldn’t come up with a better name than Kansas. They essentially said we like the word Arkansas, so let’s cut off the Ar and that will be our state’s name. Maybe nobody will notice. Screw it. Here’s how this game would have unfolded:


KU Coach Bill Self making his first Final Four appearance can’t take the pressure and goes AWOL the night before eventually being found shortly before tip-off in a crack house in the hood of San Antonio flashing Latino gang signs as he’s escorted from the house into a police cruiser. He's not high nor has he used any drugs at all, but he just prefers the cozy, dark, quiet confines of a crack house sometimes. It reminds him of his days growing up on the rough streets of Edmond, Oklahoma. Unfortunately, Coach Self will spend his first final four in a jail cell. Ironically, former KU baller J.R. Giddens is there as well.

1st half:

Gary Ervin picks up three straight charging fouls in the first two minutes driving into the lane and running over KU’s big men while trying to shoot over them. Stefan Welsh dribbles the ball off his knee one too many times, and the hyper-intense Patrick Beverley suffers a mild concussion diving into the stands to save a three year old’s popcorn from completely spilling out. So, this leads Coach Pelphrey into making one of his boldest moves of the season – going with freshman Nate Rakestraw the majority of the first half. Rakestraw answers the call with five first half threes and ends up with 19 points total at the half as Arkansas leads 43-35. Rakestraw is on his way to national fame with the Razorbacks as long as he doesn’t do something stupid like transfer after the season is over.

2nd half:


KU guard Super Mario Chalmers gets hot dropping three threes in a row to give KU a lead of 58-57 with ten minutes remaining. Pelphrey inserts “The Georgia Peach” – Levan Patsatsia to put the clamps on Chalmers. Chalmers insults the “Baller from Tbilisia” (Bill-ee-see-uh) by suggesting that his country check into democracy if they intend to survive. Patsatsia hugs him and jabs a knife into his shooting shoulder while saying “From Tbilisia with love.” Patsatsia is arrested, but Pelphrey applauds his intensity and desire to win. Fans call the hogs as Levan is led away.

With Chalmers wounded and Darrien Townes dunking everything in sight, the Hogs go on a 12-0 run to essentially put the game away. The final minute has the Razorbacks up by 15 and Steven Hill jacking up threes. Hill hits one at the buzzer, grabs his crotch, stares down KU’s Sasha Kaun and says “Rock this Sasha Kaun” as the Hogs celebrate at halfcourt with a 88-72 win.




+





=

Shaksha Kauhn






Monday: The Finals vs. either Memphis or UCLA

I Wanna Be in the Yard

Everybody's doing it. Even Darren McFadden. Yes, D-Mac is "in the yard" and has his own blog over at Yardbarker.com. If you read it, you will officially be a "Yardbarker."

You can head on over there if you like, but I've saved you some time by bringing you the highlights of his first entry entitled:
"How I Ran a 4.27 40 With a Torn Hamstring at the NFL Combine"

Loosly paraphrasing:
... the night before the draft, me and my boys Slick Rick, Fat Tony, Cousin Joe, Felix, and I were all headed to the best restaurant ever invented - Waffle House. It was about 3 a.m. We had been getting our drink on, and had just got through breakin' it down on the dance floor at a local club for everyone. Anyway, my cousin Joe (who I've never met before, but he says we're cousins) had just pounded another 40 of Old English and he was talkin' some serious noise about how fast he was.
So, after we ate, me and him lined up in parking lot for a race. Felix wanted in too, but I told him that if he can't break 4.4 then he should sit his ass down on the curb next to Fat Tony. Anyway, I heard my hammy snap about 10 yards into the race and the fellaz had to carry me back to the hotel because I couldn't walk. I thought it would heal overnight, but the next morning I still couldn't walk, but I slapped some ice on it, took a few aspirin, and headed on down to the combine for my official timing. I just sucked it up and ran because I'm a freak of nature, you know? What else was I going to do? After all, I am Humanity-Advanced. I blazed a 4.27 40 and then called it a day because I knew my hammy needed another four or five hours to become fully healed. I ran a 4.27 40 with a snapped hamstring! You know who was really pissed? A 100% healthy Felix Jones. He's my boy! But, man was he embarassed that I still outran him...

Next up for the now blogging Darren McFadden will include entries like the following: "The NFL Draft Part 1 - Do Not Draft Me, Jets." and "The NFL Draft Part 2 - Show Me The Money! Seriously, Show Me An Obscene Amount of Money."

Aww, Man, I Think The Clock Is Slow

Sorry my posting has been slow this week, and may be slow over these next few months. I mean Razorback basketball is over, the baseball team is in a funk, and I don't really get fired up about spring football, so this blog will probably slow down some over the next few months as we gear up for the Bobby Petrino era to begin in August. I'll still throw you some bones occasionally, and I may even try to throw in some national stories every once in a while. But, as always I will do my best to keep you up to date on any relevant fact or fictional Razorback happenings.

In one actual basketball happening, Freshman Nate Rakestraw has decided to transfer.

Coach Pelphrey had this to say about Rakestraw:

“I am a fan of Nate Rakestraw and will support him in whatever he wants to do,” Pelphrey says. “I am very, very appreciative of everything he’s done over the past year. Nate is an awesome, awesome human being who we will certainly miss.”

I am good at reading between the lines, and what he really meant was:

I am very, very appreciative of getting another scholarship to hand out to a better player. Nate is an awesome, awesome human being who wasn't going to play much for me and we will certainly miss him, but we are glad to have another scholarship that may be used on a better player.